It’s been a year since we’re dating – it started in the same city A, then I moved out to city B, and 9 months later she followed to city B as well. There was always this spark and excitement – even when it was long distance, and I’d visit city A for a week or so.

We’ve had our differences and fights like any other couple but we’ve dealt with it and honestly have much happier memories to look forward to. Now ever since she moved out and started the new job – she’s become a very different person. Like most jobs, hers takes up a lot of time, and requires a long travel. Oh and she earns decent-ish : not too handsome, but okay.

It has gotten to the point where our weekends have become extremely boring – I put on a movie, she goes to sleep midway. I plan a dinner date, and she finds 10 reasons not to go. I plan some sport activity, she doesn’t put in any effort and there’s no point repeating it. Even when I suggest going out for a walk – she finds 10 reasons not to. All we do together is cook and eat. Sometimes it comes down to money which she says she doesn’t have and is too polite to let me pay for stuff.

Oh and sex – we used to have mind blowing heart pounding sex. Over the last 2 months, her drive has decreased dramatically, to the point where she fell asleep during sex yesterday.

Is this normal? Do I have high expectations? If not then how do I tackle this? I’m honestly losing interest in this relationship- and I’d dearly like to save it. But if this continues, then I’m going to implode.


9 comments

  1. Is there something stressing her out or exhausting her? Is she depressed? What conversation have you had with her about this?

  2. Have you talked to her about it? What’re her thoughts? She sounds like she’s in a funk

  3. It sounds like her job is taking too much out of her to have the energy to do much else? I think this is something you should talk to her about. Does she see herself continuing in this job long term? Is she happy with the workload she has? To me, it sounds like something that could definitely be fixed if she switched to a job that wasn’t as draining, but I think you’ll need to talk to her to find out for sure.

  5. Relationships dont just happen. You get out of them from what you put into them. If she can no longer do that, then you need a good heart to heart with her. If your goals and paths no longer align, then it might be time to move forward alone. It takes two of you for a relationship to work. She needs to pull her weight.

  6. I think you need to speak with your girl dude. Ask her the obvious and LISTEN. It could be it wasn’t a choice she really wanted and is now regretting. She gave up her friends, family?, job etc and maybe it’s not what she expected. Are you still acting the way you did when you were first dating: doing nice things, dates, telling her she’s beautiful, putting in the effort? Or are you just coming home from work and acting like you’ve been married for 20 years? If the sex all of a sudden disappears, that’s NEVER good and could mean a lot of things. We don’t know, we aren’t there. But there’s ONE person who could tell you-or has and you didn’t listen-as to the why.

    So id find a time and ask her. Similiar to how you did here:”I’m concerned, it seems you’re very unhappy and things have shifted in a direction that I don’t like. What’s going on?” While also doing some self reflection on yourself, is there anything that you have changed from then until now? I’m sure you’ll figure it out, it’s usually not that deep. Look, women need affection, attention, love, romance and intimacy. This never stops and where most dudes get it wrong is once they “get” the bag, they stop trying. Again, we aren’t there…

  8. She sounds exhausted and that could be emotional or biological. So totally off the wall question when was her last medical check up? She sounds depressed or like she is fighting fatigue like from Mononucleosis or Lyme disease. So if it isn’t job related, see if it’s biological.

  9. Well, a year in is when you also start falling into more comfortable patterns.
    We can’t tell you what’s wrong: you need to speak with HER about it. Is this who she really is? Or is it the job? Almost a decade into my marriage let me tell you- a good relationship doesn’t just HAPPEN. You have to put effort into it every single day or it will derail. People ARE going to change. Both of you will. Drastically. That’s usually a good thing when you communicate. No one is a mind reader. Be precise. Learn to listen actively. And for god’s sakes don’t assume you know everything about the other person. Confused? Don’t like something? Ask. You’d be shocked how something you were sure was real in her head might be the complete opposite.

Leave a Reply