Hello Reddit, I’m making this post because I need advice and opinions regarding this situation with my boyfriend. The post is a bit long, so I apologize in advance.
My boyfriend and I met because we attend the same university course. We’ve been together for two years.
In September, we’ll both be continuing at university, but for different reasons. I decided to stay one more semester to improve some grades and do an extracurricular internship (which is optional, so I hadn’t done it yet), with the goal of strengthening my CV before applying to master’s programs for the 2026/2027 academic year. He’s continuing because he has several failed classes, from both semesters, and will have to repeat the whole year.
Since I’m already 20 years old, I decided it’s time to organize my life and start planning my future. I’ve been actively looking for a part-time job so I can have some money for myself, save up to get my driver’s license, and become more independent from my parents.
I’ll have 3 classes a week, and the internship would probably take up two mornings (since it’s extracurricular, the schedule is flexible). A part-time job is 20 hours per week.
My boyfriend has been very unhappy with all of this. Every time I talk about work or the internship, he sulks, seems to throw a tantrum, and avoids continuing the conversation.
He’s currently on vacation with his mom, and yesterday I decided to hand out some CVs at mall stores. One of them called me in for a pre-interview right away and explained the shifts would be either 12–4pm or 5–9pm, five days a week. When I told him, he started reacting badly and said we won’t have time together, that I’m going to put the relationship aside, etc. The rest of the day he just gave me short replies. Note that I’ve made it clear the entire time that I never have and never will put the relationship aside.
He continued sulking and it turned into a kind of argument, where I was just trying to explain my perspective that I want to become more independent, grow, and build my CV while he said that there won’t be time for him and he doesn’t know what will become of us.
It got to the point where I again explained that I’m not pushing the relationship aside, I just want to develop professionally and take more control of my life. That’s when he said we should break up, and that if it were him focusing on himself, I wouldn’t be part of the equation. He also got upset and said he doesn’t understand why I want to manage my life separately from him and be independent of him, and that I’m planning everything just for myself.
I told him that he should also take responsibility for his life, that we’re not one single person, and I’d never ask him to stop doing something for my sake and I’d always support him. I told him several times throughout the argument that seeing each other is a matter of effort and willingness, and that we’re actually very lucky because, unlike many couples, we study at the same university, we’re in the same class, and live 15 minutes apart. I even suggested several ways we could manage our time, but he rejected all of them. It seems like he doesn’t want to understand. And honestly, I’m stunned by his reaction.
I’ve noticed he barely studies, is often late, and frequently oversleeps (to the point where I have to spam call him just to wake him up even for tests). He’s even missed exams. He’s failed many classes because of these habits.
He genuinely believes that if each of us works on our own CV and academic path, we’re “turning our backs” on each other and there’s no space for a relationship like that. He says he won’t be happy with me in the future if things stay like this. I explained to him that I will never give up my ambitions, growth, or my professional path. I told him that a relationship that requires us to stay stagnant for each other isn’t a relationship, it’s a burden.
Few days pass and I tried to stay mature and kind to him while he’s been on his trip because I didn’t want to spoil it, but meanwhile today when he was coming back, I actually landed a job and, surprise, more arguments. He even canceled plans to see me tomorrow because he “needs time alone” (he hasn’t seen me in over a week), and basically threw a tantrum saying I won’t have time for him, that he’s afraid of what’s coming, and that everything would’ve been better if I hadn’t gotten a job. I told him he’s the one who needs to make an effort and that he’s just making excuses to complicate everything — and that he hasn’t shown me a shred of support. Every time I shared good news about the job, he responded monotonously or defensively.
I warned him that if he keeps acting like this, he’s going to push me away because no one can put up with this and he said, “Then get away.”
I need advice on what to do and your opinions.
TL;DR: Boyfriend is against me getting a basic part-time job and makes me feel guilty about it.