We've been dating for 11 years now and over that time I've taken countless photos for my fiancé in lingerie, full makeup/sexy outfits and nudes. He's taken photos of me too if I dress up for him or after fun time in the bedroom, I'll pose and get into it. It's happened quite a few times now, atleast 6 I can remember that I've come across a photo of myself in his phone that is clearly not me. Sometimes it almost trips me up because the edits are so good but it will be like my boobs are bigger/more perky or my waist is smaller. One I came across it was like there were balloons on my chest.
Now mind you I'm like 5'11" pretty curvy and atleast a 34DD (bras don't fit anymore). Most of my life I was around 125 and within the last 4 years I've gotten up to 165 where I am now. I actually have an ass after being pretty flat there my whole life lol. My boobs are so big sometimes they just hurt and I can't even wear a bra. I went through a period of working out and running most everyday during covid for my sanity, I didn't realize how thin I was until recently seeing old photos on my workout app. I've always done sports or some physical activity but we've been working so much lately (own businesses together) that I know I'm not in the best shape and not exactly where I want to be but it doesn't bother me most days. The only thing I want to work on is my core and booty.
We've had chats about the photos before when I was honest and confronted him about it. Some of the talks were led by denial and some were honest but had me convinced that there was no real harm in it and eventually I'll put them out of my mind and forget about it. I've done things within our relationship that have given us some major trust issues so I'm aware I'm at fault for causing pain in the past. Sometimes I'll just come across the app that he's used in the past after it's been deleted and he will give some other reason as to why he's used it. He's agreed to stop doing it after admitting to it.
Here we go again, now I came across the Playstore where it had the body editor app up and the button said open like it had just been downloaded and when I went to open it the app had been deleted of course. Here I go again doubting myself and my self worth, wondering if he even likes my body the way it really is. There goes my libido and confidence.
I don't really know where to go from here…
What is the reasoning behind this happening? How can I bring this up again and get through to him?