I’m 27, and my boyfriend is also 27. We’ve been in a relationship for 1.5 years, and lately, I’ve started feeling that he is very laid-back when it comes to making special gestures for me.
For example, on my birthday (our first birthday together), we weren’t in the same city. I was really looking forward to something thoughtful — flowers, cake, maybe a song (he plays guitar and sings really well), or at least some gesture. But the whole day went by, and he didn’t do anything. Later, I told him how it made me feel. He admitted it was bad on his part and said he’d make it up to me… but he never actually did.
There have been other times too. Sometimes I’ve gone to his place hoping he might cook for me or set up something romantic like a candlelight dinner, but I’ve been disappointed again. Now we’re in a long-distance relationship, and before he left, he also didn’t do anything special. He told me he was “saving his innovative stuff” for when we’re apart, but it’s been a month and still nothing.
It’s not that he’s never done anything — he’s gotten me flowers once or twice, but even that felt low-effort (like buying them while waiting for me near a shop). Meanwhile, I see other couples going out of their way for each other, and my friends often do more for me than he does.
We’ve fought about this before, and he says he wants to do more but ends up doing nothing because he wants things to be “perfect” (we both have ADHD, so I get the paralysis part). But I’m not asking for perfection — just simple, thoughtful gestures.
Other than this, he’s great. I feel emotionally secure, I love him, and I see a future with him. But this lack of effort in making me feel special is making me frustrated, and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?
TL;DR: Been with my boyfriend (both 27) for 1.5 years. He rarely makes thoughtful gestures (like on my birthday or when I visit). He wants to do things perfectly but ends up doing nothing. I love him and feel secure but this frustrates me. Looking for advice.
Note:used chatgpt to organize my thoughts and flow