My bf (22m) and I (23f) have been together for almost three years and it feels like we’re going nowhere. Our first year together, we used to hang out nearly every day going to the movies, doing activities, or just chilling & talking. The second year was a little more spaced out, but we were still doing fun dates together. I’ll admit that he was responsible for planning most of those dates, but I also made plans or suggestions. Ever since I started working my corporate job, we haven’t had as many dates and have only really seen each other if he slept at my place. There have been times that he’s gone out with his friends, doing fun activities or even taking trips, but he won’t tell me until it’s too late suggesting that he can come sleep over afterwards with little to no conversation while he’s here.
This bothers me because I’ve been asking him to resume going on dates more, but he either doesn’t want to do what I suggest or says he’s busy (working, running errands, etc). I’ve expressed to him countless times that I want him to be more romantic which he says is hard for him to do and takes too much guesswork and planning, but he’ll quickly drop everything for his friends, mom, or dogs. I’ve told him I feel like he puts me on the back burner, but he disagrees and says I do nothing to create the romance I want.
I really like him but I hate feeling like I’m not an important person in his life. Every time I express my feelings, he ends up arguing that I’m pulling this out of thin air and challenges me to give specific examples (that he agrees with) otherwise my point is invalid.
How can I get him to understand me? How can I better communicate my needs in this relationship without being shut down?
TLDR: my boyfriend doesn’t take me on dates, puts others before me, and will only come around to sleep over. I want him to show that he really wants to be with me and emotionally cares, not that he just wants me for lustful reasons.