The last guy I truly deeply loved was my ex from 10 years ago. I've quite honestly felt numb romantically since then. l've briefly dated quite a few good men who adored me and wanted a future and I just couldn't reciprocate the feelings. People would say
"but he's such a good guy! He really loves you!" As if I wasn't completely frustrated to not feel the same affection.
I recently met a guy and fell very very hard in a very very short amount of time. I had not felt anything resembling these emotions since that ex of 10 years ago. It shook me up inside. And likely carried a lot of weight due to the long timespan of feeling nothing.
Ultimately, he did not reciprocate those emotions and I'm gutted. I feel like in the matter of weeks I experienced a high I haven't felt in 10 years and quite frankly questioned if I was capable of feeling at this point, Quickly followed by the unfortunate truth that he was not on the same page. I'm so embarrassed to have fallen hard for someone in weeks but l'm torn up. Was it love? No. But to feel the light turn back on inside really did something to me.
Can anyone relate? Can anyone provide advice? I'm hurting.
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I’ve never experienced what it’s like to not have feelings for someone who has feelings for me because I know immediately if I’m into someone or not…but I have experienced 4 times now a beautiful connection the same as what you described, where a light finally turned back on inside of me and they didn’t reciprocate my emotions and it’s making me go crazy because I’m starting to feel like I’m being deceived or used..I don’t understand how it’s possible someone could appear to be so into me and we seem to have such a good connection and then they just decide they aren’t into it anymore on a random day with no explanation for what I did to cause it…makes me wonder how love ever happens at all if it requires two people to feel the same way for each other. seems like an impossible impossible chance.
What if… this experience was here to crack your heart open and remind you that you CAN feel again, and show you that there are so many more people out there who you have yet to meet and love. And will love you back ❤️
Not quite the same but yes I can relate. My husband died in 2020 and for the last year or so before he died we weren’t exactly loved up and so I didn’t really have many emotions when he died. About 2 years later I fell for someone at work but it was more of a covet/crush on my part and then he left where I work. I didn’t see him for almost a year until he then came back for about 8 months in which time I fell even harder for him. He knew but neither of us did anything about it, but I felt like you in that after years of feeling nothing I suddenly felt awake again. This guy had woken me up inside. Then he left work again last year and I didn’t see him for over a year but we stayed in touch. Then a month ago, he got extremely flirty, he ended up coming over one night and we had what was probably the best sex of my life. For a few weeks I was floating on air that this guy I’d crushed on for 3 years wanted me back… And then nothing, he’s pretty much ghosted me and I’m devastated about it. It’s not that I suddenly expected us to be in a relationship just because we slept together but why do that and then just ghost. We were friends before, why can’t we just stay friends and now I feel embarrassed too that one night could do that to me and I’m hurting too.
So not quite the same experience as you but I can definitely relate to your feeling of being woken up and hurting over that same person.
To be honest you maybe need to reevaluate what your perception of Iove is. Speaking from experience here. I felt like it had to be somewhat of a chase, a little chaotic, someone who needed saving. Real love? It felt safe, peaceful, content. And it absolutely threw me for a fucking loop. I was like, this can’t be love?? Where’s the massive highs and super low lows? Sometimes we need to take a look at what we want in relationships, what we value, and how we look at love. Then I promise you, you’ll find love again.
Because being so broken over someone you briefly knew? Means you fell for potential, idealisation, a story. Not the real person. Also it was potentially just limerence. I’d genuinely suggest therapy to discuss your views around love & so on. Wishing you well (I’m still on my journey!)
Yea, there are many people who have caught feelings for people they barely know. A general trend is they romanticize the person and fill in gaps. The reality is not likely to match the fantasy, but since they don’t get to know each other better, only a romanticized image of them exists.
Sometimes these situations take longer to get over because we’re all capable of being a little silly.
Basically what happened to you, is what you did to guys before? Ironic.
I think that he did not feel the same affection. It’s life. We move on and hope to find someone that does reciprocate.
Very similar feeling right now. You’re not alone
What feelings were they exactly? How would you describe what it is that you felt?
The way I’d look at it is maybe this was your body’s way of telling you that you’ve healed internally. You are no longer numb. And you have more to look forward to in the future.
Girl I had the same thing! Countless dates where I felt nothing compared to how I felt for my ex, and then it came back. After a couple weeks he ended things with me and I felt so embarrassed to be crying over a guy I hung out with a handful of times. Ultimately I realized I wasn’t crying over him, I barely knew him. I was crying over my ex AGAIN because I was trying to mimic that connection again, and lost it again.
I took a break from dating. I feel so much better. I don’t think about my ex daily anymore. I don’t compare every guy to him. I’ve been boy sober for a few months now and honestly don’t have a desire to go back lol.
Ha! Im currently going through the same thing now. I would question whether I could love again. Even with my last ex, it was hard for me to feel much. I wanted that spark and romance back but I thought maybe I had experienced the last of it. End of June came around and I met a guy. I gave him a chance and fell for him hard lol. It didn’t work out because there were a couple of yellow/red flags that I saw and it just didn’t sit well with me. I had to let go but it hurt, still does, so badly.
However, I’m allowing myself to feel my emotions this time around. That’s literally all you can do.