Hi guys. I am writing here because I don't have any readily available close friends to call and ask their opinion… not that I would choose to do so, even if I did have those options available.
Today is my wife and my 8th anniversary. We married quickly, as she is from outside of the USA, and when we met, she was in the country on a 6 month vacation visa, and she didn't want to be illegal even for one day. When I met her, she was a bus person for a high end downtown restaurant in a very seedy city, known for its violence and general lack of everything good, besides food and Mardi Gras. In this period, I lived and worked there too, but in a different industry. We have since moved to a much more safe and desirable city, and I think we're both happy with that choice,
At the time, I knew this was a marriage based on practical decisions, not one of undying love. Before the proposal, I told myself, break it off now, or it's only going to get harder and more complicated. I didn't do it. I'm glad I didn't. She is the model of almost everything I want in a wife.
I told myself that I absolutely enjoy my time with her, and she is the type of woman I always wanted to marry, and even if she divorces me on the day after her citizenship is finalized, she deserves to be here working, supporting her family back home, being the hardworking good person that she is. I see her as an asset to the USA, regardless of her relation to me.
Nothing has changed for me, in regards to that perspective, in the past 8 years. Don't get the wrong idea, she isn't a helpless ESL wife depending on me for support. Rather the opposite. In her 8 years here, she has moved from an employee at Popeyes to an HR manager, who now earns roughly the same as I do, nearly 100k, after I have been working here for the past 25 years to reach my current position. While I often joke that "well at least one of us is living the American dream", I am super proud of her and proud to be her husband. I have found myself in the position I wanted to be in, one where my wife doesn't need me financially, so I assume that means she chooses to be with me.
I started this morning, our 8th anniversary, thinking about how I could surprise her with balloons and banners and dinner when she returned home from work, since I work from home. As I thought more, I realized that in the past week she showed me the ring (my late grandmother's ring) that she had been wearing for 5 years or more, since grandma's passing and Mom's donation of it to her. (We didn't buy rings at wedding time.) It was missing a stone, so she said she would wear another band instead as a replacement, until we can repair the original. Mind you, this original is 80 years old and quite boring looking, if I may say so myself, as an absolute NON expert ring person.
She has never made a negative comment about the ring in 5 years, or about how she should have her own ring, or anything like that. Never once. While my wife wearing my grandma's ring had some sentimental value about it to me, the truth is my wife and grandma never met, which as a sidenote, was a real pain point for me. However she wore it, the simple gold band with 3 tiny diamonds, and never made issue about it, whatsoever. Never mentioned it, but wore it daily.
This morning, I decided she deserves her own ring, uniquely for her, not a hand me down. But one given to her as a complete surprise, as most proposals are, since we never had that special moment. I went to a local jeweler and bought what I thought was a classy, decent diamond ring. Natural diamonds, white gold. 0.5 carats.
When she got home, I had balloons hanging on the fence, the dog was dressed in his party shirt, and I showed her the food I was going to cook for us for dinner, then I couldn't resist any longer, and I gave her the ring. I was so excited, I looked at this thing about 20 times in the 4 hours that I had it in my possession before gifting it, and I had never been more excited or happy to give a gift to anyone, in my life. I thought she might even cry, despite my knowing she has a heart that's cold as fuck as needed.
She seemed confused at first, then commented on how it's a little snug, then how it's a bit fancy for her, and then how the white gold didn't match my grandpa's yellow gold that I wear, plus questions on the cost, and despite my reassurance, how I should have used the money elsewhere.
The let down hit me harder than I imagined, probably because it was such an unexpected response. I am reaching out to you guys for your thoughts on this painful and new situation I am encountering right now. I know many variables are unknown to the outsider, but with no one to consult, i have wasted half an hour reaching out to the interwebs for advice. Seems lame, I don't know what to think. Thanks in advance.