I’m 23F and have been single for 10 months now.
Before that, I was in a long term relationship we didn’t meet online and the relationship was pretty toxic. After we broke up, I needed time to heal but also to figure out what I actually want and need in a partner.
Since December I’ve been using dating apps. I wouldn’t say I struggle to get matches or messages I get approached fairly often and have been on quite a few dates. But most of the conversations on the app are super shallow and when it comes to the actual dates, there’s usually no spark or the connection just fades right after.
Some guys only want sex, others ghost, and a few I’ve turned down but always for a good reason.
Now I’m starting to wonder if it’s something about me. I don’t think I’m unattractive, I’m educated, currently studying, and genuinely trying. I’m still new to all of this and naturally a pretty introverted person. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not, but I do try to show interest, reach out first sometimes, keep my life interesting, spend time with friends and just be open.
Still it feels like dating is a never-ending cycle of disappointments.
I’m turning 24 soon, and this entire year has felt like a mix of:
• going on dates that led nowhere
• healing from my past relationship
• getting played by guys who pretend they want something serious when they don’t
By now, I feel like I’ve learned a lot and can spot red flags more quickly but I still feel disheartened. It’s hard not to wonder if I’m just boring or not “enough” in some way.
Has anyone else felt like this? Any comforting words or similar experiences?
I’ve been on 20 dates since December. How is this even real 😭
It’s starting to feel like I’ll never meet someone
14 comments
Sounds to me like you’re going through dating exhaustion or something.
Focus on yourself instead and put dating aside for a few months. Be happy, study, and focus on your career and hobbies.
Who knows, maybe *’*that’ guy will pop up along the way, and by then you’ll be ready and more open.
You’re just 23yrs and 10months of freedom is nothing.
Trust me I understand this 100%! I’m 38F and well educated, conventionally attractive, have a great personality, and I have struggled for so long to find someone. I have been ghosted more times than I can count and it slowly chips away at your self worth over time. I just want you to know ITS NOT YOU. These guys are probably talking to like 12 other chicks at the same time as you and they ghost because of something with them, not you. You either keep going with OLD and hope that it pays off or try to find someone a different way which never worked for me. It ended up paying off for me (after a lot of heartbreak & disappointment) and I know it can do the same for you! Just keep going! You got this 💪🏼
10 months isn’t long to be single
i feel the exact same! 24f, last relationship was a year and found out that he never actually liked me. last year i met a really good guy off a dating app and i thought everything was going good between us until he ghosted me, i asked for clarity couple months after that for him to tell me he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, super bummed me out especially bc i’m still stuck on him and kinda compare him to every guy i meet.
tried dating, going out to the clubs, keeping my options open but still nothing really hits bc i find most guys aren’t looking for a relationship or are looking for fwb. i find myself constantly fighting between working on myself and do more inner reflecting or being open when it comes to love and stepping out more. it’s a hard rn, i think a lot of people feel this way, but hopefully it will get easier!
I’ve been single for a year. 30F I refuse to be on dating apps. I often get approached by men in person. Finally give this guy a chance for the first time, still got played. If you think meet people organically would be better. IT IS NOT HAHAHA. I don’t even know what men want these days. Just focus on yourself
26M. Dating in our generation is difficult because of all the screwed up influence from social media. So many people have been burned by bad partners, and the ones who haven’t have unrealistic/shallow expectations.
Your best bet is to focus on being single. Don’t go on any dates for a minute and just focus on your hobbies. If what you want is depth, then you need to go on a journey to find out how deep you are yourself. Once you find something to devote yourself to, give it your all and you will find all sorts of people beside you.
For me I really enjoy music, cars, computers, and running. I try to immerse myself in those communities whenever possible. Even though I’m still single I’m sure I’ll find someone, plus I’ll be in a place where I’m fulfilled thanks to hobbies that fill me with joy. It’s a win/win
I think probably 90% of daters (average people who aren’t a 10/10) feel this way, dating takes a lot of time and it’s hard to warm up to people that you aren’t around for very long
You’ve been on 20 dates in 10 months which is probably more than most guys can say. I think the average guy probably goes on maybe 2-5 dates a year unless they are in a fraternity or something
TLDR- just keep doing what you’re doing and maybe stop paying as much attention to it and just wait until you find a guy you like. The less you’re looking for something, the more likely you are to stumble on it imo.
I’ve been single for like five years bro lol I agree with you nowadays very hard
Gotta learn to love who you are first, before you try to love somebody else. You’ll never be happy
your only young ..working to hard to find someone usually dont work .Dating apps are sometimes ok but like you said are hard work
Just go day to day and your probably bump into someone or they bump in to you .
Take it from a older 🇬🇧 bloke as you get older it gets really hard to find the right partner .
Dating isn’t hard, it’s the most natural thing in the world. The thing that’s hard is that everyone is putting themselves down, having far too high of expectations for others, and/or being scared of being played or ghosted.
Life is entirely feedback loops. If I think I’m going to have great experiences, I’m more likely to search out experiences, and then they are more likely to be positive because I am more energized to make them that way. The same works in reverse.
The problems you are having are extremely common with dating apps. If I got a dime for every time I read these type of experiences, I would be a rich guy, Maybe awhile back, online dating might have been better. It’s mostly a disaster now. I see this at as a big money grab-many others do as well. I mean one company can own like 20-30 of these sites and they all vary in types of countries and the woman there and men on these sites-you name it. Sure, people DO find their lifelong companions, it happens. If you have the patience to weed the through ALL fake profiles along with ghosting and never ending additional charges to increase their money grab. Read below for a better way to spend your hard earned money…
Solution? Here’s one, the old fashioned way *before* the internet took over our lives. Pick a place you really like/have in interest in, maybe in Asia or Europe-who knows?. U.S. maybe, but I would pass on that. Plan a trip, book your flight and away you go by yourself! It will make you want to connect more! Walk around cafes or coffee places with the big umbrellas and sit down while someone is by themselves does the same and muster up a conversation ” Hi, interesting place, first time visiting here? From around here? *My point??* *See people for real!!* This is a start and You actually know who *you* are seeing AND chatting with! Sound cheesy?? Will, what about them dating apps? ok-
Happens all the time with people when you are in a different surrounding and in a zesty very good mood with a little bit of self confidence 🙂 Some say why, *I say why not? ;)*
People date backwards.
Meet online, chase money, job, physical attractiveness, don’t get to know someone before they sleep together. Some people even put up a facade and hide who they are for a bit for various reasons.
Relationships end up being shit over and over again where no one is interested in committing even though they never actually committed to begin with. The problem spreads like a contagion.
Start off with the friend mentality. State this is you have too. Get to know someone for a few weeks/ months. If they can’t handle it, let them go. Too many people chase shallow immediate satisfaction.
It’s because people try to date up. Stay within your league and you’ll have better success