Had sex with girl who wanted to wait till marriage
July 31, 2025
It’s the next morning and she’s feeling guilty. It just happened in the heat of the moment and I don’t really know what to say. She says it’s fine for me but that it was her choice and is going through it right now. :/
23 comments
Sounds like you guys both weren’t taking that seriously
Honestly, that really sucks for her because it sounds like it was part of value system she’s had since she was a little girl
I’m not sure where your relationship stands now but I hope you don’t just ghost her or something
I’m not saying you need to have a relationship or marry her, but you show her consideration, kindness, and concern
The guilt with religion is so toxic. Just stay away from religious women from now on, it’s not worth it.
It sounds like you’re both navigating a complex situation where values and emotions are clashing, which can be really challenging to handle without causing more pain, have you considered how this might affect your future decisions together?
Be patient with her and allow her to feel her feelings and work through this. Don’t be surprised if she gets a little distant right now, (it doesn’t mean that she holds it against you, it just means that she is having to process how she feels and needs space to do so). That is a hard thing to grapple with and the best thing you can do is be patient with her and if it was for religious reasons maybe offer to pray with her about it
As long as you don’t pressure her, you didn’t do anything wrong. It would have been nice if you helped her maintain that boundary, but that is moot. Maybe, whenever, she’s ready to talk you can help her figure out what recommitting to her abstinence could look like. I don’t know if you all are together, but if you are together, just know it we’ll be your abstinence to. If you’re not willing to wait until marriage or you don’t see her as a future wife, you should probably call it
If you are interested in seeing her again then I would recommend just reassuring her that you don’t think that she’s easy. Assure her that you want to see her again and that you have honest intentions. What more can you really do?
If you knew it why did you do it ? How old are you? It is very complex situation. She will be processing that now.
Was she a virgin?
The obvious question here is did you push for it when you should’ve stepped back and respected her wishes?
Was there any blood?
Figure out your second date. Don’t assume anything.
Rather than tell her to call you, say”, I’ll touch base in a week” …..or 4 days or whatever seems reasonable. Show you have not lost interest
shes gonna me to you
You should be kind to her, and make her feel appreciated. Not used.
You don’t have to be in a relationship or promising a relationship to acknowledge enjoying the intimacy and connection that comes with sex.
If that was her first time. I would tell her you feel honoured that she felt safe to be that open with you. And tell her you would never think any less of her.
Just be there for her. She doesn’t want it to be a one night stand. She wants it to mean something. Even if you don’t plan on marrying her, don’t ghost her. Communicate. Keep texting.
Don’t let her think she “wasted” the memory.
Can you change it afterwards ? No ? Don’t worry then
I hope you used protection
No idea how old you are and her, but me 20M and my partner 25F are the same, we still haven’t done it yet, religious reasons, we’re waiting until marriage
Don’t feel shame though fella
Lots of peopl bare tackling her side of things, so I just want to give you a different perspective.
Don’t feel guilty and don’t let her guilt you into staying in a relationship you aren’t interested in. Stay because you want to. Not because you owe her something.
It’s impossible to know, but some people use “waiting for marriage” as a line.
That said the fact that someone gave you a boundary and you crossed it really sucks dude. Maybe get therapy.
I would move on and talk to someone else. It hurts but I ran into a similar problem. I was talking to this girl that I had strong feelings for and I know she at least felt the same but she pushed me back and told me she’s moving a state over and didn’t want to meet or hookup. Fast forward to a couple weeks, she invited me over and we’ve talked and she begged me to spend the night and take off from work because she was going on vacation for weeks and will be moving when she gets back. Even brought up doing long distance. She then “convinced” me by ripping my clothes off and going the distance. She took off hers and immediately jumped on top of me. Suffice to say, I wanted to respect what she said before but I wasn’t going to say no to someone I’m attracted to and with her initiating things, it felt good to be wanted like that. The next morning she felt different about it and asked for space. After a few days of her going on vacation, I viewed her snap and then noticed later she removed me off there. Odd.
2 weeks later, I knew she was back so I reached out to check in and she said “she’s moving, it’s not going to work, she’s not pregnant (not sure why she said that?) and wished me the best”… I couldn’t tell you how much hurt that caused me, it’s been almost a few months and I still think about her time from time but if she wanted to, she would’ve already reached out by now to fix things. It’s 50-50 she’ll reach out or not for you, I would just prepare to walk out the door and don’t stick out for holding out hope like I did 🙁
Kind of a dick move on your part going through with it knowing that she was waiting until marriage. Nonetheless don’t ghost her or she’ll probably go into depression etc.
Post history checks out
Seeing as you’re the man and supposed to he stronger than her, you should have stopped it. I am a man waiting until marriage and have been in “heat of the moment” situations and have stopped myself from continuing. I don’t think you really respect her or her values.
This happened to me when I was like 16— I ended up losing my virginity to a guy I loved that was cheating on me and I stupidly gave it up in the heat of the moment because I thought it would give me a leg up on the girl he was emotionally cheating on me with, spoiler alert: it didn’t. It was a pretty big deal for me because of religion at the time, with the extra layer that I had been sa’d my entire life and it felt like my virginity was the one and only thing I was able to save from people who wanted to harm me.
I don’t know how much you know her or care about her, but judging from the comments I’ve seen you make you seem to care a lot. Give her some space to grieve— it’s nothing about you and everything about her needing to go through the motions of something that holds a lot of importance to a lot of women. Unless you pressured her into it/coerced her, it’s not your fault so don’t feel guilty. Offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to her if she needs it, and reassure her that your feelings for her haven’t changed and that you aren’t going to abandon her. It’s okay to not know what to say, sometimes not saying anything and allowing her a place to be comfortable and decompress with a safe person is all that is needed. Good luck, I hope y’all are able to navigate through this.
23 comments
Sounds like you guys both weren’t taking that seriously
Honestly, that really sucks for her because it sounds like it was part of value system she’s had since she was a little girl
I’m not sure where your relationship stands now but I hope you don’t just ghost her or something
I’m not saying you need to have a relationship or marry her, but you show her consideration, kindness, and concern
The guilt with religion is so toxic. Just stay away from religious women from now on, it’s not worth it.
It sounds like you’re both navigating a complex situation where values and emotions are clashing, which can be really challenging to handle without causing more pain, have you considered how this might affect your future decisions together?
Be patient with her and allow her to feel her feelings and work through this. Don’t be surprised if she gets a little distant right now, (it doesn’t mean that she holds it against you, it just means that she is having to process how she feels and needs space to do so). That is a hard thing to grapple with and the best thing you can do is be patient with her and if it was for religious reasons maybe offer to pray with her about it
As long as you don’t pressure her, you didn’t do anything wrong. It would have been nice if you helped her maintain that boundary, but that is moot. Maybe, whenever, she’s ready to talk you can help her figure out what recommitting to her abstinence could look like. I don’t know if you all are together, but if you are together, just know it we’ll be your abstinence to. If you’re not willing to wait until marriage or you don’t see her as a future wife, you should probably call it
If you are interested in seeing her again then I would recommend just reassuring her that you don’t think that she’s easy. Assure her that you want to see her again and that you have honest intentions. What more can you really do?
If you knew it why did you do it ? How old are you? It is very complex situation. She will be processing that now.
Was she a virgin?
The obvious question here is did you push for it when you should’ve stepped back and respected her wishes?
Was there any blood?
Figure out your second date. Don’t assume anything.
Rather than tell her to call you, say”, I’ll touch base in a week” …..or 4 days or whatever seems reasonable. Show you have not lost interest
shes gonna me to you
You should be kind to her, and make her feel appreciated. Not used.
You don’t have to be in a relationship or promising a relationship to acknowledge enjoying the intimacy and connection that comes with sex.
If that was her first time. I would tell her you feel honoured that she felt safe to be that open with you. And tell her you would never think any less of her.
Just be there for her. She doesn’t want it to be a one night stand. She wants it to mean something. Even if you don’t plan on marrying her, don’t ghost her. Communicate. Keep texting.
Don’t let her think she “wasted” the memory.
Can you change it afterwards ? No ? Don’t worry then
I hope you used protection
No idea how old you are and her, but me 20M and my partner 25F are the same, we still haven’t done it yet, religious reasons, we’re waiting until marriage
Don’t feel shame though fella
Lots of peopl bare tackling her side of things, so I just want to give you a different perspective.
Don’t feel guilty and don’t let her guilt you into staying in a relationship you aren’t interested in. Stay because you want to. Not because you owe her something.
It’s impossible to know, but some people use “waiting for marriage” as a line.
That said the fact that someone gave you a boundary and you crossed it really sucks dude. Maybe get therapy.
I would move on and talk to someone else. It hurts but I ran into a similar problem. I was talking to this girl that I had strong feelings for and I know she at least felt the same but she pushed me back and told me she’s moving a state over and didn’t want to meet or hookup. Fast forward to a couple weeks, she invited me over and we’ve talked and she begged me to spend the night and take off from work because she was going on vacation for weeks and will be moving when she gets back. Even brought up doing long distance. She then “convinced” me by ripping my clothes off and going the distance. She took off hers and immediately jumped on top of me. Suffice to say, I wanted to respect what she said before but I wasn’t going to say no to someone I’m attracted to and with her initiating things, it felt good to be wanted like that. The next morning she felt different about it and asked for space. After a few days of her going on vacation, I viewed her snap and then noticed later she removed me off there. Odd.
2 weeks later, I knew she was back so I reached out to check in and she said “she’s moving, it’s not going to work, she’s not pregnant (not sure why she said that?) and wished me the best”… I couldn’t tell you how much hurt that caused me, it’s been almost a few months and I still think about her time from time but if she wanted to, she would’ve already reached out by now to fix things. It’s 50-50 she’ll reach out or not for you, I would just prepare to walk out the door and don’t stick out for holding out hope like I did 🙁
Kind of a dick move on your part going through with it knowing that she was waiting until marriage. Nonetheless don’t ghost her or she’ll probably go into depression etc.
Post history checks out
Seeing as you’re the man and supposed to he stronger than her, you should have stopped it. I am a man waiting until marriage and have been in “heat of the moment” situations and have stopped myself from continuing. I don’t think you really respect her or her values.
This happened to me when I was like 16— I ended up losing my virginity to a guy I loved that was cheating on me and I stupidly gave it up in the heat of the moment because I thought it would give me a leg up on the girl he was emotionally cheating on me with, spoiler alert: it didn’t. It was a pretty big deal for me because of religion at the time, with the extra layer that I had been sa’d my entire life and it felt like my virginity was the one and only thing I was able to save from people who wanted to harm me.
I don’t know how much you know her or care about her, but judging from the comments I’ve seen you make you seem to care a lot. Give her some space to grieve— it’s nothing about you and everything about her needing to go through the motions of something that holds a lot of importance to a lot of women. Unless you pressured her into it/coerced her, it’s not your fault so don’t feel guilty. Offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to her if she needs it, and reassure her that your feelings for her haven’t changed and that you aren’t going to abandon her. It’s okay to not know what to say, sometimes not saying anything and allowing her a place to be comfortable and decompress with a safe person is all that is needed. Good luck, I hope y’all are able to navigate through this.