Women of Reddit, how important is sex to you in a relationship? How do you handle things when your needs or your partner’s need’s aren’t being met?
43 comments
I think a healthy sex life is important. It ebs and flows but if someones needs aren’t being met we talk about it in a respectful way and try our best to improve the situation together.
Asking your partner for sex really should be normalized. Just remember when you ask the question you have to be equally receptive and respectful of either a yes, no or a later.
Massively important. It builds connection & intimacy. A closeness you share only with that other person, builds emotional connection & keeps it. If they’re not being met then it has to be discussed, otherwise you just build resentment. Just has to be done in the right way
i think it’s important to a certain extent. if someone’s needs aren’t being met , i feel as though either party should feel comfortable talking to their partner and communicate that.
for me not, me and my partner barely have sex and we are together for 7 years… we had it more when we met but nowadays its common to have once per month and sometimes not even that
I used to think it wouldn’t be that important but nope. If it’s missing, I feel there’s something wrong in a bad way heheh
It’s really important. And I’ve learned that a dead bedroom is highly indicative of deeper problems and needs to be addressed quickly. To convince yourself your libido is just down or you’re just tired is basically giving up on your relationship.
Of course, there are plenty of healthy romantic relationships that don’t have a lot of sex. Couples who have small kids is also a different situation. I’m more so talking about my own experiences
Asexual here. Not important to me. My partner is okay to manage his needs himself.
But as with any need in a relationship. You approach it with communication, self reflection and mutual respect. And if it’s hard, you bring in the experts (eg sex therapist, couples therapist, personal therapist, etc.)
Very important. For me, it’s one of the building blocks of a relationship, alongside communication, affection, teamwork, having fun and trust.
There are periods when my needs aren’t met. I would give it a bit of time to see if things work themselves out, cause sometimes it’s a matter of stress and you don’t want to pile on.
When it doesn’t resolve itself, I talk to my husband and see what’s going on.
Important but not in my top 3 relationship priorities, maybe around the 6-7 mark
It’s pretty important, but I can live without it.
For me. Very important, my bf and I came out of our last relationships unhappy and our needs ignored and unmet from sex so we were both very open about what we wanted when we met. A year and half later and we’re enjoying having a relationship where we both actually have really good sex, as often as we want and take of each others sexual needs . It’s great for our intimacy and our bond
It’s really important to me. I think that the only time that I’ve ever really turned my fiancé down for sex was when I was pregnant and I had morning sickness or I was worried about him accidentally squishing our baby lol.
In a healthy functioning relationship, very important. I never thought it was and thought people were just behaving like animals. I also learned there are lots of intimacies that are implement—mental intimacy, emotional, intellectual, creative, etc. But it almost seems like physical touch in general strengthens everything. I’m someone that doesn’t get physical touch in life in general. I live alone, and I kept wondering why I always feel almost sick, empty, numb. I’m fine. I had a very full and busy life with hobbies and people to connect with. But without that closeness you feel dead inside somehow. At times just receiving a hug or someone to hold your hand or anything makes you feel alive in a way. Sucks cuz sometimes you convince yourself you don’t need it but you do.
I also used to get shocked as a younger woman listening to old ladies talk about how couples use deprivation of sex as punishment or to send a message. I couldn’t understand it. I never had a serious relationship but as I got older I realized and felt it to a certain extent how when someone you love deprives you of any form of physical connection when they’ve given it to you hurts A LOT. It hits harder then any harsh words to would. You feel extremely unwanted and unloved and not valued.
I guess now I get it when couples joke and say, “you sleep in the living room today” 😕
It’s the glue that holds a relationship together.
It’s important. I need to feel physically desired by my partner, and I need to feel desire for my partner in return.
It’s important. It either solves a lot of issues or bring up whole new ones, depending on the guy you’re with. For me personally this has been my experience.
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Important but knowing that it shouldn’t make or break it is also important.
I’m very authentic with myself and very generous with my husband. It doesn’t look the way it used to, but it is important to both of us to maintain physical intimacy (emotional intimacy is still an emerging skill for him)
As a kinky and sex positive woman, I am beyond proud that I know what I like and feel confident enough to advocate for my needs. When I met my partner, I was still very much in my ethical sluthood and didn’t expect to find a long term relationship. But the benefit to meeting him when I did was that I was unashamed to own my sexuality, desires and needs. He was surprised but so very open to exploring. Our intimacy has grown enormously despite the challenges that come with choosing a vanilla man as a kinky woman. Our sexual journey is a testament to our ability to communicate, trust, be vulnerable, and overcome obstacles. We wouldn’t be where we are without that connection and I’ve accepted that a healthy sex life is one of my top priorities
I’m asexual so having sexual “needs” is a foreign concept for me. My partner could have sex every day but he understands that’s not possible with me and says it’s ok.
It’s really important for me; it’s a key part of intimacy and connection.
Very. Still. We prioritize sex in the relationship and it keeps us bonded. We still feel like newlyweds 8 years in. No kids at home helps a LOT.
Not important at all. Love is more important, without it its not a relationship for me no matter how good the sex is. I don’t work with simple triggers.
I think being on the same page as, and being sexually compatible with, your partner about sex is definitely important. Also respecting and understanding that people are relationships go through phases of being more and less sexually active.
But of EVERYTHING sex itself is very low down on my priorities when it comes to choosing a partner. I would prefer to have a happy content sexless relationship with someone that respects and values me tha to have a great sex life with someone who lacks in other areas of their personality and life.
Sex has always been a really important part of our relationship. We’ve been together for 21 years, have 3 kids I’m 36, my husband is 38. There were times when our sex life wasn’t as active, and honestly, we could feel the tension it created. But in recent years, we’ve started exploring more, being open with each other, and it’s brought us even closer.
For us, sex is way more than just a physical act. It’s bonding. It’s our little secret space where we reconnect, laugh, and feel close in ways that go beyond words. Sure, it might sound cliché, but it gives us those subtle glances and inside jokes during the day it’s something that’s just ours.
Even when things aren’t great between us, intimacy can be healing. It helps us find our way back to each other. It’s actually improved our communication and brought a lot of emotional growth. There’s no shame in it just love, passion, and mutual desire. I feel so grateful to still genuinely adore my husband, and yes, sex makes me feel desired, confident, and deeply connected.
For me it’s extremely important, but I also have a super high libido but I only have sex with people I’m deeply committed. My sex drive in addition to be physical is about emotional and mental connection too and intimacy in a relationship has always been important to me. Fortunately my husband is the same way so it works out well for us.
I think that sec is important in relationships but what’s important is that the sex drives are matching somewhat more than anything else. Some people have high ones and some people have low, and what’s important is that the people in the relationship are on the same page and communicating and respectful about it
I think the important part is that both your needs are being met.
My partner and I are pretty lucky that we naturally align on how much sex we need, therefore never had much to discuss on the topic.
We only have sex about once a week, though we both agree it’s really important to build and maintain intimacy.
Everyone is different. Personally I’ll leave someone almost immediately now if the sexual intimacy isn’t there. I was in a sexless relationship for a while though and that was painful, so I realized it’s of much higher importance to me.
My partner knows when I need it before I’ve realised that that is the issue, because I get grumpy. I’ve even switched to a menstrual disc so that we can continue having sex for that week without stress.
We have a healthy sex life ( mainly daily) but if we’ve not had some for a couple of days, I’m craving.
There’s nothing he would love more than for me to proposition him. It’s nice to not just be desired, but to feel desired too. Touch is how I show affection so if we are sat watching tv I’ll be stroking his arm or rubbing his feet. All of it fosters intimacy.
I do also have a ‘rule’ – you dont waste a hrd on because you never know when it’ll be your last.
Seems to work for us.
In theory yes it’s important, but we’re in this phase of life now where it’s massively been put on the back burner. I’ve been pregnant three times since August 2022. First pregnancy ended in a MC, I fell pregnant again in January 2023 and gave birth in October 2023 and then fell pregnant again in August 2024 and gave birth in April 2025.
Three months on since giving birth for the second time I’m truly starting to feel the aftermath of what those pregnancies have done to me physically, mentally and emotionally. Besides this, I am just so tired. I have 2 under 2, I am constantly touched, used as a human tissue, screamed at, holding onto someone, have spit up on me, running around and the list goes on. All of this is perfect and fine and I’m their mum and I love my job. But there is absolutely zero space in my mind for sex. I’m also breastfeeding and find it incredibly hard to switch from my boobs being used for feeding and then to something sexual and for pleasure.
Both kids are fully asleep by 9pm at most nights. I have to go to sleep myself by 10.30pm at the absolute latest if I’m going to be human like the next day. I have around 90 minutes each evening to look after myself, decompress, shower, respond to text messages and actually talk to my boyfriend without interruption. There just isn’t any space for sex in that.
We’ve spoke about it a couple of times and think once our youngest is in his own room then it might get better but for now it’s not even something that I can dwell on. I would like to have sex, not from a “horny” perspective as I can’t even remember the last time I had any urge but more from a “I want to feel like a normal woman, not just a mum, who is desired by her boyfriend” way.
We did have a weekend away last month and were intimate a few times which was great but day to day it just isn’t happening.
It’s a very important part of our relationship. We are in our 60’s. We are in an ethical non monogamous relationship. The connection and conversations are incredible. Our relationship is everything I could ever want. This is a second marriage for both of us. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. It works for us.
It’s up there. The best relationships I’ve had were the ones where there was much more spontaneous sex. Not even necessarily good. I just like the act of being intimate and feeling closer to them. It’s very important to me in a relationship. People go through slumps tho and that’s quite understandable. As long as they still are emotionally there then idm.
Very important, I am a very sexual person
Just like any other thing in relationship like finances trust loyalty
Very important, I’m a very sexual person, I have mentally sexual desires for multiple men sometimes but I stay loyal to my bf 😅 I love morning or early morning sex, as someone that had vaginismus for years due to trauma, my bf is the one that taught me to be comfortable with sex and was patient with me to the point sex is no longer painful for me, and I can have regular sex now. My bf always tries to meet my needs and makes sure he’s keeps going til I reach orgasm.
Not at all. I’m asexual.
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It depends for me. It’s REALLY important for my boyfriend and I to the point that we talk about it pretty often. For my girlfriend and I? Not really. We talk about it every so often, but we don’t really have sex together and neither of us are bothered by it.
Very and not at all.
It’s a wonderful and intimate activity that we enjoy together, but if one or both of us is sick, stressed, not in the mood, or whatever, then there is no desire to participate in that activity. It’s important to us because we enjoy it together, but it is not the basis or foundation of our relationship. Having attraction and desire for each other is important to us, but if there comes a time when the sexual portion of our relationship is no longer available to us, that would not change our commitment to or love for each other.
> How do you handle things when your needs or your partner’s need’s aren’t being met?
Discuss it. No one is ever owed sexual activity and both of us consider it extremely inappropriate to hold expectations about sexual frequency. We can discuss how we’re feeling, but we have a strong boundary in our relationship against any sort of duty or maintenance sex. If we aren’t both 100% into it, we don’t do it.
I thought it was really important, but I’m finding it now that it doesn’t have to be.
Been with my partner for 5 years, and throughout the years we’ve found that we are not really sexually compatible. The relationship has grown to where sex is less of a priority. We are also not monogamous and both have other sex partners so that helps a lot, but we’ve agreed that we are also really happy together when sex is not frequent for us two.
We still have a lot of non-sexual intimacy. We kiss and hug a lot. We share a lot of love and emotional intimacy. Our relationship isn’t suffering from it in any way.
Not at all. I am not interested remotely. My partner is fine with that.
Sex is important for me and a successful relationship. Foreplay is there also. Passion with someone you love and care about is the best feeling ever.
43 comments
I think a healthy sex life is important. It ebs and flows but if someones needs aren’t being met we talk about it in a respectful way and try our best to improve the situation together.
Asking your partner for sex really should be normalized. Just remember when you ask the question you have to be equally receptive and respectful of either a yes, no or a later.
Massively important. It builds connection & intimacy. A closeness you share only with that other person, builds emotional connection & keeps it. If they’re not being met then it has to be discussed, otherwise you just build resentment. Just has to be done in the right way
i think it’s important to a certain extent. if someone’s needs aren’t being met , i feel as though either party should feel comfortable talking to their partner and communicate that.
for me not, me and my partner barely have sex and we are together for 7 years… we had it more when we met but nowadays its common to have once per month and sometimes not even that
I used to think it wouldn’t be that important but nope. If it’s missing, I feel there’s something wrong in a bad way heheh
It’s really important. And I’ve learned that a dead bedroom is highly indicative of deeper problems and needs to be addressed quickly. To convince yourself your libido is just down or you’re just tired is basically giving up on your relationship.
Of course, there are plenty of healthy romantic relationships that don’t have a lot of sex. Couples who have small kids is also a different situation. I’m more so talking about my own experiences
Asexual here. Not important to me. My partner is okay to manage his needs himself.
But as with any need in a relationship. You approach it with communication, self reflection and mutual respect. And if it’s hard, you bring in the experts (eg sex therapist, couples therapist, personal therapist, etc.)
Very important. For me, it’s one of the building blocks of a relationship, alongside communication, affection, teamwork, having fun and trust.
There are periods when my needs aren’t met. I would give it a bit of time to see if things work themselves out, cause sometimes it’s a matter of stress and you don’t want to pile on.
When it doesn’t resolve itself, I talk to my husband and see what’s going on.
Important but not in my top 3 relationship priorities, maybe around the 6-7 mark
It’s pretty important, but I can live without it.
For me. Very important, my bf and I came out of our last relationships unhappy and our needs ignored and unmet from sex so we were both very open about what we wanted when we met. A year and half later and we’re enjoying having a relationship where we both actually have really good sex, as often as we want and take of each others sexual needs . It’s great for our intimacy and our bond
It’s really important to me. I think that the only time that I’ve ever really turned my fiancé down for sex was when I was pregnant and I had morning sickness or I was worried about him accidentally squishing our baby lol.
In a healthy functioning relationship, very important. I never thought it was and thought people were just behaving like animals. I also learned there are lots of intimacies that are implement—mental intimacy, emotional, intellectual, creative, etc. But it almost seems like physical touch in general strengthens everything. I’m someone that doesn’t get physical touch in life in general. I live alone, and I kept wondering why I always feel almost sick, empty, numb. I’m fine. I had a very full and busy life with hobbies and people to connect with. But without that closeness you feel dead inside somehow. At times just receiving a hug or someone to hold your hand or anything makes you feel alive in a way. Sucks cuz sometimes you convince yourself you don’t need it but you do.
I also used to get shocked as a younger woman listening to old ladies talk about how couples use deprivation of sex as punishment or to send a message. I couldn’t understand it. I never had a serious relationship but as I got older I realized and felt it to a certain extent how when someone you love deprives you of any form of physical connection when they’ve given it to you hurts A LOT. It hits harder then any harsh words to would. You feel extremely unwanted and unloved and not valued.
I guess now I get it when couples joke and say, “you sleep in the living room today” 😕
It’s the glue that holds a relationship together.
It’s important. I need to feel physically desired by my partner, and I need to feel desire for my partner in return.
It’s important. It either solves a lot of issues or bring up whole new ones, depending on the guy you’re with. For me personally this has been my experience.
[removed]
Important but knowing that it shouldn’t make or break it is also important.
I’m very authentic with myself and very generous with my husband. It doesn’t look the way it used to, but it is important to both of us to maintain physical intimacy (emotional intimacy is still an emerging skill for him)
As a kinky and sex positive woman, I am beyond proud that I know what I like and feel confident enough to advocate for my needs. When I met my partner, I was still very much in my ethical sluthood and didn’t expect to find a long term relationship. But the benefit to meeting him when I did was that I was unashamed to own my sexuality, desires and needs. He was surprised but so very open to exploring. Our intimacy has grown enormously despite the challenges that come with choosing a vanilla man as a kinky woman. Our sexual journey is a testament to our ability to communicate, trust, be vulnerable, and overcome obstacles. We wouldn’t be where we are without that connection and I’ve accepted that a healthy sex life is one of my top priorities
I’m asexual so having sexual “needs” is a foreign concept for me. My partner could have sex every day but he understands that’s not possible with me and says it’s ok.
It’s really important for me; it’s a key part of intimacy and connection.
Very. Still. We prioritize sex in the relationship and it keeps us bonded. We still feel like newlyweds 8 years in. No kids at home helps a LOT.
Not important at all. Love is more important, without it its not a relationship for me no matter how good the sex is. I don’t work with simple triggers.
I think being on the same page as, and being sexually compatible with, your partner about sex is definitely important. Also respecting and understanding that people are relationships go through phases of being more and less sexually active.
But of EVERYTHING sex itself is very low down on my priorities when it comes to choosing a partner. I would prefer to have a happy content sexless relationship with someone that respects and values me tha to have a great sex life with someone who lacks in other areas of their personality and life.
Sex has always been a really important part of our relationship. We’ve been together for 21 years, have 3 kids I’m 36, my husband is 38. There were times when our sex life wasn’t as active, and honestly, we could feel the tension it created. But in recent years, we’ve started exploring more, being open with each other, and it’s brought us even closer.
For us, sex is way more than just a physical act. It’s bonding. It’s our little secret space where we reconnect, laugh, and feel close in ways that go beyond words. Sure, it might sound cliché, but it gives us those subtle glances and inside jokes during the day it’s something that’s just ours.
Even when things aren’t great between us, intimacy can be healing. It helps us find our way back to each other. It’s actually improved our communication and brought a lot of emotional growth. There’s no shame in it just love, passion, and mutual desire. I feel so grateful to still genuinely adore my husband, and yes, sex makes me feel desired, confident, and deeply connected.
For me it’s extremely important, but I also have a super high libido but I only have sex with people I’m deeply committed. My sex drive in addition to be physical is about emotional and mental connection too and intimacy in a relationship has always been important to me. Fortunately my husband is the same way so it works out well for us.
I think that sec is important in relationships but what’s important is that the sex drives are matching somewhat more than anything else. Some people have high ones and some people have low, and what’s important is that the people in the relationship are on the same page and communicating and respectful about it
I think the important part is that both your needs are being met.
My partner and I are pretty lucky that we naturally align on how much sex we need, therefore never had much to discuss on the topic.
We only have sex about once a week, though we both agree it’s really important to build and maintain intimacy.
Everyone is different. Personally I’ll leave someone almost immediately now if the sexual intimacy isn’t there. I was in a sexless relationship for a while though and that was painful, so I realized it’s of much higher importance to me.
My partner knows when I need it before I’ve realised that that is the issue, because I get grumpy. I’ve even switched to a menstrual disc so that we can continue having sex for that week without stress.
We have a healthy sex life ( mainly daily) but if we’ve not had some for a couple of days, I’m craving.
There’s nothing he would love more than for me to proposition him. It’s nice to not just be desired, but to feel desired too. Touch is how I show affection so if we are sat watching tv I’ll be stroking his arm or rubbing his feet. All of it fosters intimacy.
I do also have a ‘rule’ – you dont waste a hrd on because you never know when it’ll be your last.
Seems to work for us.
In theory yes it’s important, but we’re in this phase of life now where it’s massively been put on the back burner. I’ve been pregnant three times since August 2022. First pregnancy ended in a MC, I fell pregnant again in January 2023 and gave birth in October 2023 and then fell pregnant again in August 2024 and gave birth in April 2025.
Three months on since giving birth for the second time I’m truly starting to feel the aftermath of what those pregnancies have done to me physically, mentally and emotionally. Besides this, I am just so tired. I have 2 under 2, I am constantly touched, used as a human tissue, screamed at, holding onto someone, have spit up on me, running around and the list goes on. All of this is perfect and fine and I’m their mum and I love my job. But there is absolutely zero space in my mind for sex. I’m also breastfeeding and find it incredibly hard to switch from my boobs being used for feeding and then to something sexual and for pleasure.
Both kids are fully asleep by 9pm at most nights. I have to go to sleep myself by 10.30pm at the absolute latest if I’m going to be human like the next day. I have around 90 minutes each evening to look after myself, decompress, shower, respond to text messages and actually talk to my boyfriend without interruption. There just isn’t any space for sex in that.
We’ve spoke about it a couple of times and think once our youngest is in his own room then it might get better but for now it’s not even something that I can dwell on. I would like to have sex, not from a “horny” perspective as I can’t even remember the last time I had any urge but more from a “I want to feel like a normal woman, not just a mum, who is desired by her boyfriend” way.
We did have a weekend away last month and were intimate a few times which was great but day to day it just isn’t happening.
It’s a very important part of our relationship. We are in our 60’s. We are in an ethical non monogamous relationship. The connection and conversations are incredible. Our relationship is everything I could ever want. This is a second marriage for both of us. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. It works for us.
It’s up there. The best relationships I’ve had were the ones where there was much more spontaneous sex. Not even necessarily good. I just like the act of being intimate and feeling closer to them. It’s very important to me in a relationship. People go through slumps tho and that’s quite understandable. As long as they still are emotionally there then idm.
Very important, I am a very sexual person
Just like any other thing in relationship like finances trust loyalty
Very important, I’m a very sexual person, I have mentally sexual desires for multiple men sometimes but I stay loyal to my bf 😅 I love morning or early morning sex, as someone that had vaginismus for years due to trauma, my bf is the one that taught me to be comfortable with sex and was patient with me to the point sex is no longer painful for me, and I can have regular sex now. My bf always tries to meet my needs and makes sure he’s keeps going til I reach orgasm.
Not at all. I’m asexual.
[removed]
It depends for me. It’s REALLY important for my boyfriend and I to the point that we talk about it pretty often. For my girlfriend and I? Not really. We talk about it every so often, but we don’t really have sex together and neither of us are bothered by it.
Very and not at all.
It’s a wonderful and intimate activity that we enjoy together, but if one or both of us is sick, stressed, not in the mood, or whatever, then there is no desire to participate in that activity. It’s important to us because we enjoy it together, but it is not the basis or foundation of our relationship. Having attraction and desire for each other is important to us, but if there comes a time when the sexual portion of our relationship is no longer available to us, that would not change our commitment to or love for each other.
> How do you handle things when your needs or your partner’s need’s aren’t being met?
Discuss it. No one is ever owed sexual activity and both of us consider it extremely inappropriate to hold expectations about sexual frequency. We can discuss how we’re feeling, but we have a strong boundary in our relationship against any sort of duty or maintenance sex. If we aren’t both 100% into it, we don’t do it.
I thought it was really important, but I’m finding it now that it doesn’t have to be.
Been with my partner for 5 years, and throughout the years we’ve found that we are not really sexually compatible. The relationship has grown to where sex is less of a priority. We are also not monogamous and both have other sex partners so that helps a lot, but we’ve agreed that we are also really happy together when sex is not frequent for us two.
We still have a lot of non-sexual intimacy. We kiss and hug a lot. We share a lot of love and emotional intimacy. Our relationship isn’t suffering from it in any way.
Not at all. I am not interested remotely. My partner is fine with that.
Sex is important for me and a successful relationship. Foreplay is there also. Passion with someone you love and care about is the best feeling ever.