My boyfriend and I are an international couple who work on cruise ships as dancers together. I am American and he is Ukrainian. We have had a roller coaster of a 9 months together. He’s had issues with my male friendships and how modestly I dress. I’ve ended those relationships and changed the way I dress to keep the peace. He’s very smart and uses religion to justify his standards, saying that those who don’t meet them are not on his same “level”, making me feel less than and immoral. It’s always the same cycle of him getting upset, giving me the silent treatment, me begging him to please talk to me, me apologizing and changing the behavior, and him going back to treatment me like an actual princess for a week or 2 until he finds something else to be mad at.
Here is my current situation: he was messing around with me and pretended to see a bug on my leg. I say “what the F-“ (and didn’t not say the actual F word, just the F sound) and he immediately turned his body away from me, walked with my backpack to my apartment door, dropped it on the ground, and waved his hand at me as I called his name. I gave him time to cool off and then We then went to dinner where he acted fine, but I can read him very well and could tell something was off. We went home and watched a movie/had sex. (I wish I hadn’t but I just wanted to feel like he wanted me still, really unhealthy I know). I asked him why he got upset earlier and he said that he finds women who cuss “disgusting” and that it’s a very masculine behavior. And he has a weird feeling about me (he says that a lot, that he doesn’t trust me etc). I asked him why he would have sex with me if he found me disgusting and he wouldn’t answer that, just turned the question around on me. Now, we are in rehearsals for our next ship and he is not speaking to me. At all. It’s been 3 days. I asked him to talk a couple days ago and he said “about what?” I said “about us” he said “what?” And I said “clearly there’s an issue here.” And he said “so?” And then went on his phone and ignored me until I left.
I don’t know what to do. I’m just trying to talk to the rest of our cast and be friendly with them to try to show I’m unbothered, but I’m incredibly hurt and broken inside. How can he treat his gf of 9 months like this? Are we even together anymore? I don’t know how or if i should approach him again or just let this relationship slip away into the silence. We have to live and dance on the same ship for 6 more months, so we are stuck working together.
I realize the unhealthy pattern and I feel done, but there are times when I feel like it’s all my fault and maybe if I just changed a little more it’d be okay…. Maybe I really am immoral and he right. I don’t even know who I am after this time where I’ve tried to fit his expectations. I find myself talking to others feeling like I’m doing something bad because he probably wouldn’t like me doing so.
TL;DR pattern of silent treatment leaves me not knowing if my bf and I are still even together. I don’t know how to handle this situation.