So I got out of a 7 year relationship November 2024 after my ex unexpectedly broke up with me. It threw me into a really dark place, but after months of therapy, I came out stronger and more secure in myself than I’ve ever been. I didn’t date for 5 months while I focused on grieving, healing, and growth.
I met a guy 5 months post-breakup (first initial N) who I really fell for, but he ended up telling me he is only looking for friendship with some intimacy if it’s welcome. We made plans to hang out late August, after he gets back from spending the summer in Canada.
Meanwhile, I got on the apps in search of fun and casual, but some emotional connection as well. I ended up meeting this really sweet guy (first initial C). We’ve been dating for almost two months now and it has been the easiest dating experience of my life. He’s secure, calm, kind, thoughtful, giving, and I could go on. He treats me better than I’ve ever been treated. It’s been a slow progression, while I’m so used to intense fireworks, infatuation and chasing. At first I thought I wasn’t that into C, but he’s slowly grown on me. C and I established, on our second date, which was a good two months ago now, that we were both looking for fun. However, he treats me as a partner would and is even talking about plans for next summer. He has met some of my family and most of my friends.
The dilemma: I’m not even a year out from my 7 year relationship and I still feel the need to be independent and single and focus on me. I wanted to use this time to date around and explore. I don’t feel ready for a serious commitment again yet. But at the same time, I’m developing feelings for C and things feel like they’re naturally getting serious. I may be able to see myself with him long term. We share the same values, it’s been so healthy (which is so new to me), and I don’t want to lose him.
I haven’t seen anyone else these last two months, but I had been planning on hanging out with N for four days late August. My feelings for him were what I’m used to with dating- intense infatuation and chasing. I feel so drawn to still hang out with him in late August, but at this point, is it even right to do so? What would I even gain from it, other than a fun time, brief connection, and probably a little hurt and confusion to follow? But I do feel like this is my time to explore…. And, C and I haven’t had the exclusivity talk and last established we are only looking for fun, so what is right and wrong at this point? I worry that if I tell him I still want to date others, I would lose him, but for all I know, he could be dating others still… though it doesn’t seem like it. Is it wrong to not say anything until we have the talk? Or maybe I should just focus on C and our developing relationship…
I suppose I’m posting this just to get some perspective. I haven’t dated in so long. And, historically, I had a terrible time dating, with guys just ending up wanting a hookup and nothing more.