I've been dating someone really nice lately while practicing the art of not getting too attached, which is difficult for me. Here's how our dates went…

1) coffee and good conversation, a little hand holding over the table and a kiss when I walked her to her street

2) pizza and a pub quiz, then at hers all night (we didn't sleep at all, if you catch my drift)

2.5) she was in the area so came over for a cuppa and a chat – all nice, some kissing and a goodbye

3) out for a couple drinks followed by dinner and some deeper chat

There was some texting between all of this, and she we both said we like each other and feel good about where it's going. But 24 hours later I got a thoughtful text about how she worries about me being a dad and she doesn't think she can fit the role of stepmum and never will. She also said that she thinks her independence threatens me (she travels solo a fair bit) and that I'm just pretending to be okay with it so I can date her. I did reply saying I disagree with the latter and would like to see her again but understand if her decision is final. It doesn't look like I'll get a reply.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if it's normal to feel as beat up about it as I do? I really like this woman and we had planned to do dates 4 and 5 this week. Suddenly the world just feels quiet and less exciting. Does that make sense?

Obviously I respect her decision and honesty. I just feel quite gutted.


4 comments

  1. It’s tough when you’re left alone wondering “where exactly did it go wrong?”

    It sounds like she had reservations, either based on what you said or what you did. Maybe she just wasn’t ready for something serious (you’re a dad you mentioned).

    Take some time to be sad, reflect on some stuff that can be improved, but don’t question your self work. Good luck dude

  2. I totally understand, and I think feeling sad about it is normal. It sounds like you two had some lovely dates and it was something that felt like it had potential, you were feeling hopeful and she matched what you were saying and then blindsided you by saying she couldn’t move forward with things. Dating can be challenging, and finding a connection is even more challenging, so when we do, we want to cling to that.

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