My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) have been officially together for 3 months. While things are mostly good, a few things lately have made me feel increasingly anxious and unsure about where we stand.
One thing that has been especially weighing on me is the fact that he’s still connected with his ex-girlfriend. They broke up a year ago because his ex cheated on him. But they still follow each other on social media, like each other’s posts regularly, and he told me they still talk from time to time. I don’t know what they talk about or how often, but hearing that really unsettled me especially because I’m someone who believes in cutting contact with exes after a breakup. Since I heard that, I’ve noticed my anxiety around him has gotten worse.
Here are some of the things that have happened recently that added to that feeling:
A few nights ago, I noticed that he was continuously online on mobile Discord from 1:50 a.m. to 4:40 a.m. That same evening, I had plans to go see a movie, and before I left, he asked me three separate times what time the movie was starting. At the time I didn’t think much of it—but in hindsight, it felt like he wanted to make sure I’d be unavailable for a while. The next morning, when we were talking on the phone, I asked, “Did you sleep well? What time did you go to bed?” He hesitated and said, “late.” When I asked, “how late?”, he said “around 2 or 3.” But I had clearly seen that he was online until 4:40. Since this was mobile Discord, which usually shows you as offline after a few minutes of inactivity, I can’t help but wonder. was he actively chatting or on a call that whole time? And if so, why hide?
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt uneasy. He’s said he “fell asleep” before when I’m pretty sure he hadn’t (about 2–3 times). I’ve also seen him delete a message on WhatsApp (I didn’t see what it said, just the action), and he always brings his phone into the bathroom or shower.
He’s currently visiting his home country, the U.S. (we both usually live in Asia), and I think the long distance, especially knowing that his ex and her community are nearby, is making me more sensitive than usual. He’ll be back in a few days, and I hope that once things return to normal, my anxiety might settle a bit. But I’m still unsure.
I want to handle this in a healthy way, but I’m not sure how. I’m torn between giving myself some space to clear my head or talking to him openly about how I’ve been feeling.
I also don’t know if my concerns are valid or if I’m just overthinking.
Any advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) have been together for 3 months. He’s still connected with his ex — they follow each other, like each other’s posts, and he says they still talk sometimes. Recently, he lied about when he went to sleep after being online on mobile Discord from 1:50 to 4:40 a.m. He also asked me multiple times what time my movie was that night. He’s told small lies before (like “I fell asleep”), deleted a WhatsApp message, and always takes his phone to the bathroom.
He has introduced me to his friends and family, but these little things have been building up.
Now he’s visiting his home country (where his ex is), and I’ve been feeling even more anxious. I’m not sure if I should talk to him, take some space, or if I’m just overthinking.