Hi,
So me 23M and this girl 25F have been talking talking for about 2 months id say. we’ve been friends from work a while back (i changed jobs) and decided to make a move and it was going good. we had one talk that we were going to take it slow yada yada bc we both aren’t necessarily ready to date.
Background: i was in an abusive relationship and got out of it a couple of months ago, she got out of a relationship about a year ago as well.
I told her i just didn’t want it dragging on for her to randomly be like oh idw to do this anymore. It was a good conversation she is a great communicator, it’s honestly so attractive i’ll get to it in a second. Fast forward, we talked last night and she was saying that she doesn’t want to continue because she feels bad that she can’t give me 100% right now and that’s what i deserve because she thinks im so great of a person.
I wanted to think it was just another girl saying she doesn’t want a relationship rn but goes to talk to someone else. But she really seemed upset about it, i tried to keep my thoughts to a minimal about how i was feeling, telling her it’s okay, i understand, i want you to be happy etc. But she kept pushing and pushing to tell me what’s on my mind and what im feeling. It’s hard to express my emotions considering my last relationship i was literally cursed out and degraded for saying i love you or asking for a hug. I can tell she really cares about me.
I kept saying like we aren’t going to talk again and i’m okay with that, she kept replying “stop saying that, i never said that, i have strong feelings for you it’s just not fair to you if i can’t give you 100% and you know that” she was also tearing up and holding back tears at 2 or 3 points. She would just say like “ughhh idk what to do” and i would say yes you do, and she would go “no i dont i have feelings for you this isn’t easy for me”. before she left my car she wanted a hug and a kiss and she would just stand outside my car door just kept saying idw to go, idw to close the door.
All in all, that whole conversation made me have such stronger feelings for her… Her ability to communicate, make me feel heard, seen, care about what i have to say, is nothing i haven’t felt before since my first ex from hs but she might be even better. we could disagree on a point and it would be the most healthy disagreement. or she would cut me off and say like something simple, like “im sorry i didn’t mean to cut you off” I genuinely felt myself gain feelings in real time listening to how she communicates with me.
so i’m just confused, my toxic past i was in makes me want to think her excuses or bs. But obviously with all these signs it doesn’t seem like it is, has anyone ever liked someone/ had feelings for someone but wasn’t ready to date them?
tl:dr My girl/friend that i’ve been hanging out with said she has strong feelings for me but doesn’t want to continue talking right now, since she can’t give me 100%. I’m just hurt and confused.