I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this, but I would appreciate all and any advice or maybe directing me to a subreddit more suited for how I feel, idk. I'm sorry if this post comes across as a bit incoherent, I might not know which train of thought to follow and just talk about different bits and pieces of the relationship where it might be relevant.
The day before yesterday, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me, which to me felt like it was completely out of nowhere (For context, I am 22M, she is 21F). While she is much more so than me, we are both planners. So over the course of our relationship we would constantly talk about our plans for family life and how when we were older we would want 2-3 kids and to get a nice house in the countryside so we could do all of these activities like camping and fishing, a few months back she was even telling me how she might be even be willing to have 4.
The relevance of this is that 3 days ago we were calling as we usually do late in the evening and she tells me that she told her mum (who never knew of my btw because they are pretty traditional) that she might not want to have children which led to her mother crying. Obviously this comes as a massive shock to me, and while I stay calm it's almost like I just started hearing white noise and I focused on that. She led on by talking about how things she saw recently made her reconsider.
To give context she is extremely driven and career oriented, with her dream being to make partner at a law firm. One of these things was that at the firm she is going into, the gender split of the associates is 50%, while only 25% of the partners are women. Another being that my best friend has an extremely career oriented mother, and his relationship with her is not being the best, in the sense that he doesn't feel close to her/their relationship is quite distant.
She began talking about alternatives she was looking at, but to be honest I don't really remember what she was talking about because I was hyperfixating on the no kids part. At this point, she was talking as though she was on the fence about it and was longer as sure as she used to be. To be completely transparent, I said some things which she either didn't like, or which were downright stupid to say.
These being "So you want to sacrifice our children for money/status?" (She did not like the use of the word sacrifice), and "How long do you want me to wait for you to decide? 25, 30, 35? By the time you are 35 your ovaries are going to be shrivled". Yes I do now understand that I was a moron for saying that, although what I was trying to get across was that her fertility decreases every year past 30.
We stopped calling soon after, but it continued on messages, where she told me that the things I was saying perpetuated gender steryotypes and gender roles, and that I was being misogynistic. This was very strange to me, one thing that made us get along well was that we both enjoyed "edgier" humour, and we even agreed on some gender steryotypes, for example that men would find it harder to be nurturers just from a biological standpoint where it would be hard to replicate the mother-child bond, or that women aren't as strong as men (Can't think of a better way to phrase this). Call me what you want, but I was very explicit that I would me more than happy to take on the majority of childcare/be a househusband (lol) or with her earning more than me. Anyway, I was sort of perplexed, so I wasn't really engaging in the messages very much.
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On the day of the break up, we call again as usually, and the conversation starts with what we were up to that day, the usual. As we continue talking, she brings up the topic of yesterday, and basically says that she conclusively does not want kids, I bring up the alternatives for example becoming cousel or going in-house and she said that she does not want that and she definitively wants to be a partner at the firm. I can't remember specifics, but I think I said something along the lines of "So do you want to break up then" and she said yes (I am a moron). I begin to try and salavage things, mentioning how she is only 21, how could she know what she wants almost a decade into the future but she remains steadfast. I also say we should at least wait until she's done a year at the firm to make sure that this is what she wants to do (She has two years of study before she goes to work at the firm), but she mentions her biological clock and that there would be no point in staying together since we are so fundamentally misaligned. Then I start saying why now? Why not wait at least until the summer is over, and she just reiterates her last point, saying that there will be other lawyers who also do not want to have kids.
At this point I ask if there is anything I could even say to stop this, with her saying "I dont know", and I follow with, "So are is this it? Do we just never talk again after this?" and her replying with "I guess so". I can't remember much more but the conversation basically ends with an abrupt goodbye, and that was the end.
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I feel so lost right now, I helped her so much with all of her applications, her internships, everything to basically get her, her dream job, this is not to say that she did not help me with things though, she did. Although I understand that this is my fault, I didn't manage to secure anything (I don't want to go into law btw), and it feels like I helped her achieve her dream, and just when I needed her to help me the most I just get discarded. It's not like there was any build up to this either, we weren't arguing loads or having fights all the time, sure there would be something like once a month or so, but to end 2 1/2 years over something we spoke about for a day just feels insane to me. I understand that some of the things I said were stupid as fuck, but still.
I don't know what to do, we've both just graduated, and I thought that she would be there with me through this confusing time, but now it's all gone.
I tried thugging it out for a day, I immediately went to my best friends house to talk to him and drink the sadness away, cigarettes have never tasted so good. I left his recently and got back to mine. I went to sleep for a bit, and woke up like 2 hours ago to doomscroll the ache away. The first sad song that pops up immediately unleashes the fucking waterworks, and I start sobbing with snot running down my face. I then decided to write this out to get my feelings out, and I guess some advice from those with more wisdom than me.
I don't know if I should even try messaging an apology or to see if things can be worked out (IMPORTANT POINT!)
I know that this is reddit, and I'll probably get blasted for some of the things I've said but I just want to be transparent.
I know I'm going to be told that I'm young and there is so much time, but we planned a whole future together, this is fucking horrible. I have genuinely have no idea how people are together for decades or have children and get divorced, I hope I never experience anything like that.
If you have read this far, I appreciate your time, thank you.
Despite my attempts, I am inevitably going to be biased, so please ask any clarifying questions if you want and I will do my best to answer.