my boyfriend (35M) and i (25F) have been together for almost a year now. we live together. have fantastic communication. we have both come a long way individually in the past few years to get us both to a place where we both deserve a healthy and happy relationship (both dealing with our own mental health issues and relationship trauma).
to make his last relationship story SUPER short- his ex wife cheated on him continuously with someone he thought was both of their friend. they have 2 boys together (7 and 14). she got a new man, house, and had a third son all within a year of the divorce…
i have no jealousy towards her as a person- the things she has done and said are unimaginable to me and i want to be nothing like her. i also am not jealous of the fact that she’s the mother of his children. i absolutely love those and they love me- i never wanted to have kids of my own (adoption or being a stepmother was what i always saw myself doing- so many kids already exist that need so much love and pregnancy is terrifying).
what i have a hard time with is dealing with the fact that she has his last name and got to be his wife. as a child of divorce i never saw the point in marriage but then i fell in love and i finally understood that marriage can mean what WE want it to- and that’s a beautiful thing. my last name also holds no good meaning for me. it’s a name holding no heritage as the ‘family’ it ties me to has never really been my family. it angers me that she held such an important title and threw his love in the garbage. my aries rage can’t let go of the fact that she was his first love and she broke him for so long.
i’m not even sure if jealousy is the right emotion. i just know i have feelings and it’s hard to understand what the hell to do with them. anyone ever in a similar situation or have any advice to let this shit go?
(i also want to make it clear that he never talks about her in a loving way nor in a bad way either- this isn’t him making me jealous bc i’ve heard all these wonderful things- this is fully a me feeling- and i don’t even know what the feeling is which is why im not ready to talk about it with him)