Tl;dr: No physical intimacy due to health + feeling alone.
Me (22f) and my bf (23m) moved in together about 5 months ago. I’m currently unemployed and he’s employed and I’m trying to find a job. That’s all fine. I thought it was a great idea. Hang on btw I will get to the point but for context I’m finding myself doing all the cleaning and I get it. But he’s under the mindset if he cooks dinner I clean so I just end up cleaning 24/7. Which is not great but okay. We then began not having sex like ever to the point I’m just in my head every night just hoping that tonight it’s gonna happen (I’ve tried to initiate doesn’t work) and the problem is due to low libido because of health problems. And that’s been the case for months.
It got to the point we were on a holiday I payed for, dor my birthday and I heard him say I just don’t want sex and I don’t rly enjoy it. And then he says there’s also no time in his schedule to do it because of his sleep and work schedule (it’s a 9-5 he just wants to brain rot). He spoke about it rly like relaxed when if I speak to him about the lack of sex it’s like getting blood out of a stone. (Also wasn’t even physically intimate on my entire birthday holiday) And it just kind of offended me that he was talking so openly about it literally a metre away from me. And I find it for some reason hurtful maybe I’m crazy. So I pulled him up on it and he started suggesting I was selfish for bringing up the fact that the lack of physical intimacy is something I’m struggling with. And said it’s hard for him as well due to his health problems. He said the lack of sex is 3% of the problem he has healthwise and isn’t a priority. He was saying things like what can I do and sorry but he just seemed more bewildered that I was saying it’s a problem for me. Which I get but I’ve gone months without saying anything because I wanted to be considerate so I simply said I have to voice my needs as well I can’t keep staying mute when I’m bothered about something.
Then yesterday I said to him i feel alone I don’t even get hugged in bed unless I initiate it and I just feel like I’m not being fulfilled emotionally or physically and he said he felt the same about me. I asked why is he only just saying this when I say something he said because a family member was dying etc. Which I can understand, however I feel like I’ve become less caring due to feeling so alone. He said he was sorry and I said the comment about your work and our sex offended me. And he said sorry. But I just felt like there was no solution and that he doesn’t really see how I’m being affected. Don’t get me wrong he’s had a really difficult couple of months and I’ve probably not been as attentive as I should be. But I can’t help everytime we go to bed I purposely have stopped hugging him to see if he will even touch me. Naturally even on a Sunday he just spends all his time on his phone and we only ever watch the tv shows he wants to watch. All of this hand in hand with me also doing the cleaning etc I just keep feeling like it’s his world and I’m just living in it. I don’t want to breakup with him at all he’s so kind and. I want to at least try to make it work as we’ve gotten through sm together already that I know we can. And before anyone tries to argue he doesn’t love me, that isn’t the problem I know he loves me and cares it’s just I feel like I can’t articulate or get through to him the severity of the situation if that makes any sense. I just don’t know what to do or if I’m being silly?