I want to preface this by saying obviously not all men are like this.
For background, I’ve only had one sexual partner and it was my first love. He, along with the last man that I dated, have been the only two people in about 10 years of dating that have been willing to take it slow with me sexually. Everyone else, regardless of what they say, has been interested in having sex with me as soon as possible.
I want to wait to have sex within the confines of a committed relationship (originally I was trying to wait till marriage). Sexual compatibility is very important to me but at the rate men want to go, it feels like I wouldn’t ever have time to become comfortable and feel safe with them, physically and emotionally and health-wise too.
Whenever I share my boundaries and tell them I want to take things slow, I know they likely won’t be around much longer. This is fine and I’m glad I stick to my boundaries, but at times I feel like I’m never going to find someone with similar values. And I really feel like this has largely contributed to the reason I am still single.
I’m not here to shame anyone for being sexual (I have a high libido myself – and yes it can be hard to manage this) or having preferences, but I just want to better understand my experiences and how I can go about finding a guy who is on the same page as me.
And please don’t tell me to go find a religious guy. I am spiritual and do have my own religion, but religious guys like to have sex quickly too. It doesn’t matter how or where I meet men, it’s always been an issue for me.
I’m an affectionate person and I love showing it, but I just don’t want to have sex early on. If I were having sex with everyone that tried within a number of weeks, I’d have slept with hundreds of men by now.
I think I just needed to vent, but if you have any advice or insight I would appreciate it. Thank you.