what’s ideal spouse like for raising kids vs. what’s reality?
July 27, 2025
how much does spouse get involved in taking care of baby?
what's ideal vs. what's reality?
7 comments
Just as committed and as involved as I am was my expectation. The reality was just that. My wife and I have a 4 year old and 1 year old and want one more.
You know, without getting too in the weeds with this question, my kids are 3.5, and at this point, we both have our separate roles, and it’s not 50/50.
I do most of the major childcare tasks, home tasks, school runs, and work part-time (ie: the daily grind).
My partner deals with the stress of finances, bill paying, insurance, taxes, and generally all the drier aspects of life.
Both have pros and cons. Both can be exhausting in different ways, but they are both necessary roles for our life to function as it does.
For me, it’s more about his acknowledgment and respect for my contribution and mine his.
But if we’re talking about an idealistic scenario? I would be a lesbian and raise my children with another woman who “gets it” 😆
And by that, I mean… isn’t praised heavily by society by doing the most basic of basic parenting tasks like dads often are.
My husband is as committed to raising our two young children as I expected him to. He has always changed them, given them baths, made them dinner, sings to them, read stories and played with them. He doesn’t leave the scolding to only me and he holds space for their big emotions. He’s the one that taught them to ‘smell the flowers, blow out the candle’.
In reality, he far exceeded my expectations. He is an excellent father and partner and has never once made me feel as if I am raising them alone as I have read some people sadly go through.
I apparently went into parenthood with an unrealistic expectation for fathers, I’ve realized. My own dad was a superstar. Did everything as 50/50 as possible. When my mom had to work out of state for a stretch of time in my teens, there was really no change in how things functioned.
I had those same expectations for my own husband, and he’s met them. As I see other families, I realize what a gem he is. On a daily basis, I do more of the things like making kid lunches and doing their baths, but that’s because he does all of our cleaning. I travel for work semi-regularly, and he holds it down just fine on his own. Playing, disciplining, diapers, daycare pick up and drop off, sick days/doctors visits, those are all 50/50 because we both work full time.
It’s made motherhood easier for me for sure. He sometimes comments on how fatherhood seems easier for other men in his life, but it’s because they do so much less, and that couldn’t be him.
WFH job making good money to but actual work 10-20 hours a week so he can do the majority of the cleaning, laundry, house tasks/admin, while cooking and child rearing, bedtime, pickup, etc are split more equally, and everyone gets appropriate time to themselves and also time for date night etc. all while living a good quality of life overall outside the family aspects
That’s how it works in our household, and I definitely feel bad for the moms out there that have the other parent doing not much because they’re either lazy or working too much to actually help out at home.
Reality is my ideal. I will have a good man or no man at all.
If I am honest it is now 60/40 with him carrying the larger load. I am struggling a bit with resuming my career while parenting and helping with the household chores. We were pretty much 50/50 before when I was a SAHM because he would totally take over once he got off work to give me a break.
7 comments
Just as committed and as involved as I am was my expectation. The reality was just that. My wife and I have a 4 year old and 1 year old and want one more.
You know, without getting too in the weeds with this question, my kids are 3.5, and at this point, we both have our separate roles, and it’s not 50/50.
I do most of the major childcare tasks, home tasks, school runs, and work part-time (ie: the daily grind).
My partner deals with the stress of finances, bill paying, insurance, taxes, and generally all the drier aspects of life.
Both have pros and cons. Both can be exhausting in different ways, but they are both necessary roles for our life to function as it does.
For me, it’s more about his acknowledgment and respect for my contribution and mine his.
But if we’re talking about an idealistic scenario? I would be a lesbian and raise my children with another woman who “gets it” 😆
And by that, I mean… isn’t praised heavily by society by doing the most basic of basic parenting tasks like dads often are.
My husband is as committed to raising our two young children as I expected him to. He has always changed them, given them baths, made them dinner, sings to them, read stories and played with them. He doesn’t leave the scolding to only me and he holds space for their big emotions. He’s the one that taught them to ‘smell the flowers, blow out the candle’.
In reality, he far exceeded my expectations. He is an excellent father and partner and has never once made me feel as if I am raising them alone as I have read some people sadly go through.
I apparently went into parenthood with an unrealistic expectation for fathers, I’ve realized. My own dad was a superstar. Did everything as 50/50 as possible. When my mom had to work out of state for a stretch of time in my teens, there was really no change in how things functioned.
I had those same expectations for my own husband, and he’s met them. As I see other families, I realize what a gem he is. On a daily basis, I do more of the things like making kid lunches and doing their baths, but that’s because he does all of our cleaning. I travel for work semi-regularly, and he holds it down just fine on his own. Playing, disciplining, diapers, daycare pick up and drop off, sick days/doctors visits, those are all 50/50 because we both work full time.
It’s made motherhood easier for me for sure. He sometimes comments on how fatherhood seems easier for other men in his life, but it’s because they do so much less, and that couldn’t be him.
WFH job making good money to but actual work 10-20 hours a week so he can do the majority of the cleaning, laundry, house tasks/admin, while cooking and child rearing, bedtime, pickup, etc are split more equally, and everyone gets appropriate time to themselves and also time for date night etc. all while living a good quality of life overall outside the family aspects
That’s how it works in our household, and I definitely feel bad for the moms out there that have the other parent doing not much because they’re either lazy or working too much to actually help out at home.
Reality is my ideal. I will have a good man or no man at all.
If I am honest it is now 60/40 with him carrying the larger load. I am struggling a bit with resuming my career while parenting and helping with the household chores. We were pretty much 50/50 before when I was a SAHM because he would totally take over once he got off work to give me a break.