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My friend (M33) and I (F31) dated over a year ago. We have been only friends since, but sometimes still sleep together. He started dating someone else a few months ago, but still sleeps with me. When we dated he was clear that he does not see himself as someone who can be faithful, which contributed to us ending things and moving to friendship. We still talk daily and have become just friends who sleep together once in a while. I had a family emergency yesterday and called, and he then freaked out on me because the girl he’s “dating” saw I called and walked out on him.
Am I wrong for finding this confusing? I’ve been very accepting of their relationship and have never done anything disrespectful to it. He is not a one person kinda person, which I would assume she’s aware of. My relationship with him ended because of this so I don’t understand why if she’s with him she doesn’t get that he’s like this. She just knows we used to date and hates me for it.
Been getting matches but after texting on hinge for 2-3 days short convo I tend to ask for date or maybe talk off the app and complete silence. I just don’t get it? Am I asking too soon for a date? I usually ask around 2-3 days of banter on hinge. I’m not really looking for a pen-pal or spending days to a whole week talking on the app but the women I match with just ghost after I ask for a date or exchange numbers. The whole point of hinge is to meet up. I really don’t have the energy to continue talking on the app for a week then ask out. Should I be asking talking on the phone first? Even that sounds like annoying to me.
Also, I’ve been off hinge for like 6 months and I see the same profiles. Has hinge just stopped deleting inactive account or stop showing them or is dating so bad these days.
In a bit of a pickle/uncharted territory for me. Dated a girl back in Nov for a couple of dates. It didn’t work out (potentially for me holding back as she has a child, I’ve never dated anyone with kids before). She thought I was being avoidant because of this and saved her skin and called it off. We stayed in touch as mates and did a few hikes together but I could always sense a tension between us of something more. And recently I invited her to a gig. We were flirting loads and she ended up staying out after and coming back to mine. We’ve seen each other every week since. And I really do like this girl. She dresses well, in to good music. Likes hiking and gigs. Very spontaneous which I love. But the child is leaving me with reservations.
I’ve spoken to her about it and even she said she wouldn’t date someone with kids. The dad isn’t on the scene. In a different country. She’s not looking for a new dad and has a great support system already. Her mum and dad lives locally so childcare is never an issue.
I’m not settling for her, as she really does tick all the boxes. But I know how awful the dating scene is atm and how dreadful the apps are. The universe finally puts someone in my path and like some cruel joke puts a massive spanner in the works.
More of a post to get it off my chest than anything as I know ultimately I’ll have to make a decision soon but has someone been in a similar position? I’m stuck as I’d love to still keep seeing her and seeing how things develop but also aware that I don’t want to hurt her feelings if we get too involved and I get cold feet because of the child. I have already explained about my reservations previously for holding back so I am trying to be open with her.
Hey folks, quick mini update for me. Someone hacked my account, and I’d been fighting to reclaim it for the past couple of days.
I don’t know anything about Reddit, so I don’t know if the mods here had any role or if the site auto-deleted the account or something, but I can no longer access it and it appears all my comments have been deleted. Does anyone know who I could reach out to?
Whoever hacked the account went in and upvoted a whole bunch of NSFW images, including some that seem to be underage, and I’m frankly shocked. I had no idea Reddit’s account security was so poor, and I feel like I’ve been deliberately targeted by someone reading here who does not like my commentary; I had been noticing an individual downvote every single comment I make in the last few days, and I ponder if the two things are related.
If my old account made any offensive comments or DMs, I sincerely apologize – I was certainly not in control of the account. I have not sent any DMs aside from two responses I made like 2 weeks ago.
it’s been a full day and the guy hasn’t responded to my suggestion for 1-1 coffee. i’m not freaking out over it, but i am tired. i don’t want to be left on read for days when i send a vulnerable text. though to some degree i feel like “of course this would happen – it would be too much to hope that i finally found someone who is actually into me.” he may well just be busy or whatever but i just want to finally meet a person who’s enthusiastic to spend time with me and get to know me instead of getting crumbs constantly. for all i know at the moment he’s completely not interested and i’ve been making it all up in my head. (i also feel like my first read was right and his vague message wasn’t him holding out some hope for a date like everyone was insisting it was..)
i think another part of me also knows that i’ve picked up on other signs of inconsistency/immaturity in this guy in previous conversations, and i’ve just really not wanted to admit it to myself because i just want *something to work out* for once. when i first started talking to him, i felt like maybe it could just be a fun summer fling situation and i wouldn’t have to worry about these deeper issues. now the summer is almost over and nothing has happened, and i’m not sure what’s going on anymore.
Not sure what the universe is trying to do to me… I decided to take the rest of summer off dating bc I have so many active/outdoorsy plans and goals and don’t really have time to date. Then I twisted my ankle pretty badly mid hike yesterday (and had to hike out 5+ miles on a rocky trail on it) and now am couchbound 😭 I hope it heals fast bc I am no good at resting.
If your ex cheated on you, would you go no contact? If you shared a friend group but the friends didn’t know about the breakup in general, would you tell them (without drama or details) or would you just leave the group?
I did the thing. The girl I went on a few dates with lives somewhere else but visits my area and wants to move where I live. I told her today that I need to date someone longer than 4-5 dates to commit to a LDR or traveling between states for someone but would be happy to go one dates or go out as friends when she is in the area and/or moves to the area.
I have to continue to stick to going slow. I must go slow and get to know someone over months, not days not, not weeks. Anything else is dating the idea of someone.
I am fairly sure there is a mutual crush between me guy I played tennis with a few times and neither of us will do anything about it. The first time I assumed he was married or something until he offered to take me to his climbing gym as a guest. After the session, I thanked him for playing and said I’d go climbing, but he never brought it up again. We’ve played twice since then and he lightly nudged my thigh last time while chatting. We are in a cold war.
Unrelatedly, I hate climbing.
This mercury retrograde smh .. making me want to reach out to a guy I dated for bit and ended things in March with-
I’ve been having a big feeling of wanting to text him. He’s been on my mind a lot. Maybe it’s because his birthday is coming up soon. We haven’t spoke since we broke things off, it wasn’t bad either- amicably. I’m curious what he is up too. Supposedly he was to move out state which is why we ended things. I think I might do it 🙃
Since developing healthy boundaries and prioritising my goals there is no love life and it sucks. Did a bit of app dating after six months but guy 1 wrote me a creepy love bombing love letter after first weekend of meeting guy 2 we were so busy and rescheduling he eventually met someone else, fair play. Just want to meet someone irl who is like my best friend that I wanna have sex with and build a life together, make our own family whatever that looks like but the universe is leading me into a work cycle…
This month has been so brutal financially that I haven’t gone out much, but every time I do I’m magnetic. I’m so frustrated. People are giving me the direct feedback that they enjoy my company but I’m not sure when I’m going to meet someone with mutual chemistry ever again. I wish I had more money to go to more events.
On the plus side, I got a bike. It’s the first time I’ve really owned one and I’m not a strong cyclist but I’ve taken it out for an hour or two nearly every day trying to get better. I also have a client who wants more work from me, which is promising (and yet again… I am able to meet and get along with people with no issues, I don’t know how to find the romantic translation). I’m still in the grind for work and money and it’s tiring, I just want better consistent income so I’m not constantly feeling financial stress.
first date waited til the end of a 90 minute date to tell me he is moving to Arizona in 2 weeks. sir. SIR.
Okay, I’ve mustered the courage to send a “break up” text to the sweet guy I was on 5 dates with, and who has been nothing but kind and consistent, but where I just didn’t feel the romantic spark for me. It was already devastating for me to write it and send it, it was even more devastating to receive a text back that he was trying to find the words/not leaving me on read. I feel like an absolute villain 😞. I know it was the right thing to do to release him so he can find someone who will 100% be into him. But man I hate hurting people.
I feel broken. I don’t really believe in love. Most people around me do but I don’t. It seems relationships are all about convenience and what one person brings/doesn’t bring. I care about people but I don’t really want someone, nor would I ask someone to stick around for life. I’ve been seeing the word relationship anarchist more now days and I guess that’s what I am. I don’t feel like taking anyone on a “date”. I’ll hangout with someone just to enjoy their company but every other expectation just annoys me.
I don’t want to ruminate on people and I don’t want anyone to ruminate on me. I wish I did, because it seems the norm but I really don’t care. I used to, in my 20s but it feels I was living a lie to what reality is. I view everything entirely different in my 30s.
Did I make the right decision?
Matched with a guy who had figuring out his dating goals on his profile, despite the fact that I have life partner. First rule of mine that I broke. He tells me he’s recently out of a year long relationship that he broke off and he thinks he needs to be single for a while but that could always change at any point. Second rule of mine that I broke. We go out on a first date and I’m like damn I like him. I enjoy talking to him and I’m super attracted to him. He’s chivalrous and it’s refreshing. End of the first date, he asks me on a second. I’m like sure why not. Second date, he brings me flowers and we have a great time. He asks me on a third date. We go on the third date and we’re vibing. I’m starting to think about how I could see myself potentially dating him and how I can’t wait to kiss him. We have a conversation about intimacy and I tell him I want to take it slow. First energy shift from him. I ask him about it a day or two later and then he shares all the reasons why he doesn’t see himself getting into another relationship right now, but he has feelings for me and thinks I’m an amazing woman and he doesn’t want to miss the chance at seeing what this could be. I’m skeptical, but I’m like ok I’ll give it a fourth date. It’s a day or two before the fourth date, and his responses start to slow down again (similar to when I said I’m looking to take things slow intimately) and I feel like if he was excited about the fourth date, he’d be a lot more responsive. I tell him, hey I don’t think this is going anywhere but be well. He responds explaining his situation again and says he still wants to see me, but to let him know what I want to do. I kindly tell him I don’t want to be just friends with him and that he should go enjoy being single and if he’s ever ready and I’m still single, let me know. I don’t think I should wait in the wings.
Looking back at my past relationships, I have noticed that if I really like and invested in my girlfriend and see a future, they eventually decide to leave. If I’m not very into them and don’t really see a future, I have to end it. This scares me a bit since now I believe the only way to have a long-lasting relationship is to be with someone I’m not really into.
I feel like If an attractive person shows interest in me it’s either a joke or thier is some serious red flags I’m missing.
Due to me sucking at good planning, I ended up going on dates with not one but two 32 y.o. guys over the weekend. I’m still both baffled and flattered that they didn’t care about me being older and said they didn’t feel the age difference was visible.
Honestly, it’s shocking, I always see myself looking old in the mirror.
I feel like I’m just not able to find my crowd or the right place to meet someone. Been a lot of misses on events I’ve been going to lately and it’s rough. I just want to go on some dates, but finding the women I’m actually interested in are far and few between.
I can’t get over how many desperate Americans want and expect to move to Canada via dating apps. It’s so annoying to live so close to the border.
I went on my second date with the guy from the apps who I was worried was a bit boring. We had a great time! Both of us were a little awkward, and I’m not entirely sure if there’s chemistry yet, but he is really sweet and pleasant to spend time with.
That said I’m not sure we’re wholly compatible – he is very much a homebody, engages entirely in solo activities at home, and I haven’t heard of any friends at all. Meanwhile, I prefer to spend my days outside of the home, am in multiple groups, and have a wide social network. I haven’t had a lot of success dating homebody types as we eventually end up resenting eachother. He also told me he’s very meticulous about things like planning and organizing and I am about as type B as it gets with that stuff. Like I’m the kind of person who books a plane ticket the day before and my home is often in a state of chaos. I saw him bet a bit frustrated with the way I was packing up a box on our date and he took it from me to repack. Again, possible recipe for resentment so I want to be aware of that.
That said, I’m really working on trying not to find issues too early (since I have a history of panicking and running) and to just go one date at a time and see how I feel. And I’m really feeling proud of myself for not doing that and giving things a chance. So far I’m enjoying talking and spending time with him so we’ll go from there and see what happens on the next one!
I am still shocked at my boyfriend (now ex) telling me to shut the fuck up with so much spite and vitriol in his voice. I could see in his face how much he hated me in that moment. It was not only disrespectful, but it was meant to be hurtful.
I don’t know if I’m overly sensitive to anger or maybe I’m not used to it. It’s not the first time someone’s told me to STFU, but usually said as a joke and by a friend—not someone who is supposedly in love with me. Just the way he looked at me while he said it was…shocking.
I’ve witnessed his anger before but those moments were comparatively mild. I even had a dream about it the night before he cursed at me, and in my dream, he had gotten upset with a waitress over something stupid and it was embarassing because all of my friends were also at the table. I guess my subconscious was warning me?
It’s unsettling how much a person holds back in the early stages of a relationship. It took 7 months for him to show his true colors.
My Small Group is reviewing the five love languages. This week was Acts of Service. I realized that I’m perfectly content if my next wife is a Passenger Princess in life. I’m okay being responsible for everything, including my kids, household duties, planning outings, etc. I just want someone to kiss me, spend time with me, and occasionally tell me I’m doing a good job at life. Lucky for me and the kids, I still have dealbreakers like politics, smoking, etc.
Not sure if that’s an abysmal bar or unhealthy, but my therapist didn’t seem to make a big deal out of how low the bar is (she was privy to the marriage counseling).
Words without action are just echoes. Interest without effort is a spark with no flame.
Been dating the same 39M for the last 7 weeks. We already said that we would date exclusively since a week ago. Yesterday we went to a harbour festival and we spoke of things that were deeper and I told him that I suspected that he had a fear of commitment. He agreed. I asked him to expand on that and explain why he felt like he had that fear.
He said that his past relationships made him feel like he would forget about himself and was never given the understanding about the need to have some personal time alone. He felt that he would have to do so many things together. I told him that at his age, I would never dream about wanting to “fix” him or change him because we are both old enough to know what we want in life. I don’t want to be alone forever. I want to be with someone to grow and share experiences with but I don’t want to just be a girlfriend forever and live separately. I have a need for my own time and space to decompress and recharge too. We both appreciate the fact that we have our own hobbies and interests that we enjoy. I would not thrive very well if I’m expected to be everything to someone. So I get how he feels that if that’s expected of him. I’m not a clingy person when it comes to a relationship.
I don’t know what the future is going to bring us but I know that we talked about the great chemistry that we have, and we both have things to work on. The physical attraction and chemistry is obviously there too. He slept over at my place yesterday and I cooked for him dinner and made breakfast this morning as well. I spoke about this to my good friend who’s 28M and he said that I should not judge too soon. I’m quick to judge admittedly. I don’t have a fear of commitment but I have a fear of being hurt. I am looking for a long term relationship that would hopefully lead to my second marriage (I’m widowed 5 years ago). That is communicated clearly to 39M and he knew that. It didn’t scare him or put him off.
I don’t know. I’m definitely developing feelings for him and I’m hesitant to give in to it sometimes because I fear that his fear of commitment is gonna be the reason why it won’t work out. He says he has that fear but his actions towards me show me that he is giving me a lot of effort and thoughtfulness. He texts me every day, remembers details about me and listens well to the things I say. In terms of giving me attention and assurance, he is doing a good job at it. I find him to be trustworthy. We are honest towards each other. That’s something that I really enjoy about we have. I know that I don’t want to stress him out because I won’t like it too if someone’s badgering me for things that I’m working on internally.
I guess it’s just been 7 weeks. I’ll ponder about it some more after the end of summer.
Guys, would you chop down a tree for a girl you just liked ok?
Oh boy, situationship corrected his manners in bed (one of the reasons I had doubts that we were compatible). What a 180 turn 🙏😅. Also, he started to communicate what HE wants. I guess he is finally getting used to me and less overwhelmed.
I still have a ton of things to digest, he is very quirky, also hard to read. And I am still with 100 walls and trust issues that take a while to break.
Plus I need to feel how much he can handle debating stuff, because I feel like he is not used to it. I love debating a bit here and there. He was very “succinct” im his opinion.
I am intense and take liberties quickly, he is more slow paced and takes a while to get used to things. But I think we talk really well and are receptive to feedback.
Now, we need to set up proper dates and not just stay in my apartment, I can’t grow feelings and trust if we fall into a hookup routine. And my previous fling fell into that a lot, which made it very empty after a while.
A friend of mine is dating a man 7 years younger than her who lives a 5 hour drive away. She doesn’t drive which means he’ll always be the one to commute. It’s early days, they’re very into each other, but I can’t help but think this novelty will wear off and the reality of travelling 10 hours for a day or two together will become a point of contention.
Another friend of mine, a staunch vegan, is falling for a man who isn’t. My friend is adamant he will never live in a house with meat, and this is something he’s stuck to with flatmates so I know he means it. I can’t see the man he’s dating changing his mind anytime soon and he’s said as much.
Yet my friends are happy – they’re falling in love and going out and dancing and having sex all day and going on little adventures. I see this happiness in the way they act in general, too; how vibrant they seem.
At the same time they’re also both feeling guilty because they’ve slept with other people during this time, despite them not being exclusive.
And all I can think is how it’s all going to end in tears. I look at my dealbreakers – I wouldn’t date someone unless they’re looking for a long term relationship, unless they live in the same city, unless they’re monogamous, unless we’re compatible on the things I value. I couldn’t sleep with someone else if I’m dating someone, I just wouldn’t enjoy it. But I’m the one spending my nights alone, I’m the one not having sex or dancing with someone. I feel like a prude, like a stick in the mud, like I’m too rigid. I’m lonely and I don’t want to be, but I’m too scared of incompatibilities and I don’t want to risk being hurt by them.
I wonder if I compromised if I would be able to meet someone and have fun and sex and connection, and maybe it would all work out? Am I martyring myself by being so sure of what it is I want and sticking to it?
I was so excited to meet someone in person without the apps! But he broke up with me this week because he’s not ready for dating. I’ve been that person before so I get it but it sucks.
I’m very much in need of some kind of support, but I don’t know what I really need or how to get it, beyond someone to tell me precisely why I am struggling so much with dating which no one seems to be able to do.
There are people I can call up and vent to, and I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. But all anyone can really offer is empathy and “thoughts and prayers” and whenever I’ve vented to people in situations like this, I’ve pretty much always ended up feeling worse because we’re all just like “man that sucks, too bad there’s nothing to do other than keep going.” And then nothing is resolved.
There are some things where venting is all I need but dating is not one of those things. I need actual help/solutions. Not sure where to get it. (And yes, I’ve looked into dating coaches.)
How do you get people to loosen up in your chats? I feel like the convos I get start very polite and dry. Like I’m a very lively conversationalist but I do make the effort to take a step back so I can see what kind of energy they’re bringing to the table. And even when I’m at max personality is hard to pivot away from if they stay dry.
I feel like they’re talking to me like… I don’t know their coworker who their scared of getting reported to hr for hitting on, lol.
But maybe my approach is off- what would you say?
Today I spent some time with the woman I thought I had a crush on, I don’t think it’s a crush, at least not yet. In my effort to take some time off trying to date, I realized I may have forced myself into thinking I was developing romantic feelings for her. I do appreciate some qualities about her, and she’s stunning. I’ve known her for a few months now, but there’s actually no romantic feelings yet, even though the ingredients are there.
The truth I’m starting to recognize, is I don’t currently develop romantic feelings organically. Is that a problem, something I should try to fix? I don’t know, so I guess that’s the next answer I’ll look for. As a result though, this means I’ve been basically forcing myself to feel what I think I should be feeling, and it’s very much not working for me. Not gonna do that anymore.
Had a date last week that was brutal. Probably the worst first date I’ve ever been on. I found her physically attractive, but we did not vibe. She had one eye on her phone the entire time as she was seeing friends afterwards. I got the impression she couldn’t wait for our date to end, which is a horrible feeling to have. I’m the kind of person where it’s hard to have “bad” first dates with me, as I put in tons of effort to ask open-ended questions and be outgoing. Sure, I have been on plenty of okay dates, but never truly awful ones – until now. I always would send a thank you/best of luck text after the date if I didn’t want a second one, but this time the other person got radio silence from me. I am glad to not be seeing them again. At least the next date I go on is unlikely to be worse than this one was haha
Well ew and guess shouldn’t be surprised.
Like I said yesterday, I’d made a google voice number and shared it with the PS a few days ago. Checked Bumble today, he either deleted or unmatched, but guess what I’ve gotten to google voice – a pic of him nekkid from the like an right before his penis starts up (so no actual dick in the pic) and then over the goods an image of a deck that says “unsolicited deck pic”. And then messaged saying thanks for the number to send unsolicited deck pics and how much do I wanna spray him now.
Guess I should have expected that. This is actually the first time I’ve had a guy pull the get the number so can’t report on the app and then send inappropriate pics/texts card.
However, I screenshotted his entire profile and our entire conversation and had already joined a certain group in his actual location, so… This why we ladies use these things.
I also know his family’s names, and where he lives, and I’m not actually going to use that info, but if his parents were still alive I’d be tempted.
And if I ever do come across his porn account, I’m downvoting every single video. What a tool.
Hello everyone! Very curious – who would pay for daily emotionally seductive texts and voice notes? Texts would be personalized and seductive. Charming but not corny. Flirtatious without forcing it. Its author would truly understand you and deliver high-quality banter daily.