I'm male (27). I've been single for about 3 years before I met my girlfriend through a dating app. Honestly, I didn’t have any intention of getting into a relationship back then, but I really liked her. We vibed instantly and got along very well.
We became exclusive after 3 weeks of talking, so technically, we’re still in the “getting to know” phase.
I was just shocked when I found out she went through a “phase,” as she said, because she had FUBUs. So I asked her if we could get an STD test since we both dated other people in the past. It's better to be safe than sorry.
So like 1 week of exclusivity wala paring sex tho gusto ko rin naman talaga and based on our initial conversations. She has a high sex drive. She even mentioned that she wanted to have sex with her FUBU weekly. That made me afraid. What if she looks for someone else if we don’t do it as often? Also, I felt like she was starting to have cold feet with me. Like on her chats etc..
We tried having sex for the first time using protection. But she stopped me and said she felt like I wasn’t into it… like I wasn’t enjoying. Which was true I was overthinking about STDs, especially since I didn’t know much about her past and she refuses to tell me.
After that, I started inviting her to meet at least once a week. Sometime we had our intimate sessions.
But I felt like she wasn’t satisfied with my “tool” because she would do things like scratch her head during sex.
Once I’m done, that’s it. Unlike my past partners, who wanted second or third rounds. I do finish fast (about 2 minutes), but I can go again and stay hard. However, she often stops everytime I try to change rubber. so I figured she’s not satisfied.
A month in, she mentioned she didn’t want to do hotel overnights anymore because it’s pricey which is true. So I rented a place of my own so we could be together more often. Most of the time we meet just for dinner.
One time, while she was in the province for a week, we had a video call. She slipped and mentioned that she wanted to scroll through dating apps because she was bored.
That hurt me so much I didn’t talk to her for two days.
Like… What kind of girlfriend says she wants to scroll on a dating app out of boredom? She even borrowed her friend’s phone just to do it. Tho she said it is just for fun and she’s not alone.
Since then, I’ve felt like she’s not really into me. Maybe she’s just staying because I was the one who asked for exclusivity and a label (a relationship). Since we barely knew each other, I tried to forget that and move on.
After that, we saw each other on weekends and had sex sometimes but the same story. She would make me stop and didn’t want to continue.
I asked her why, and she said condoms irritate her and give a burning sensation, especially during prolonged sessions. I apologized and told her I wasn’t comfortable doing it raw because of our sexual history.
I told her, “I hope you don’t get tired of me since you're not getting enough action.” She replied, “It’s okay, I really like you… I know that I like you because I wouldn’t even allow my FUBU to go a week without sex.”
That statement shocked me. It made me feel so small.
I know she meant to prove she likes me, but as a guy, it crushed my ego. Still… I already love her.
I told her, “If with your FUBU, you make sure to have sex at least once a week, and with me your boyfriend you even refuse dinner dates because you thought I'm tired from work… that hurts.”
That really messed with my self-confidence and self-worth. I even asked her to stop calling me “baby” because she used to call her FUBUs that too. I said, “Can’t you do something different with me? Even just a unique term of endearment? Everything feels the same.”
She started calling me “Lovey” instead but would still forget sometimes and say “baby” when we’re out..
A week later, I was still feeling insecure. So I decided to do it raw with her. I was hesitant at first, but I loved it and she seemed to enjoy it too. I came outside, but I slipped back in again because I was in the moment. That was the first time in our 3-month relationship that I felt she really enjoyed being intimate with me. She took a Plan B pill afterward. I felt so bad because of the side effects she experienced.
Since then, every time we have sex, I overthink about not getting her pregnant. I’m not even enjoying it anymore just full of anxiety.
I developed performance anxiety. I kept thinking that she’s not enjoying sex with me and that she might get pregnant or have to take Plan B again.
I tried more foreplay like eating her out which was a first for me. I even watched porn again after 3 years just to learn how to please her.
I felt like she enjoyed it. She would tell me to stop and just fuck her already, which turned me on. But from time to time, she would still slip and call me “baby” like “stop, baby, please fuck me.”
That would make me overthink again in the middle of sex because of my insecurities about her FUBUs.
Most of the time, when she calls me “baby” during sex, I can’t even get hard.
I tried opening up and telling her not to call me that because it really bothers me. I feel like maybe she still hasn’t moved on from her FUBUs or still has feelings for one of them.
There’s no difference between how she treats her FUBU and how she treats me. Honestly, her FUBU even got better treatment.
Her FUBU was known by her friends and even joined their org parties. Me? I barely get posted, and if I do, it’s on her dump account.
She told me that her favorite stethoscope was a gift from one of her long-term FUBUs. Same with her glasses. When I brought it up, she said she’d throw everything away for me and said, “Wala na ni isang gift from my FUBUs.”
That made me happy.
But a month later, I went to her apartment for a morning run. I complimented her shirt, and she slipped again said it was a gift from the same FUBU. I asked her, “Didn’t you say everything was gone?”
She said she didn’t want to throw it away yet since she still uses it and has no one to give it to. I understood it’s practical. But what hurt me was the lie. She looked me straight in the eye and lied.
She threw the shirt out after that, but the issue wasn’t the item it was the dishonesty. I even offered to replace everything. I gave her a new pair of shoes for our 3rd monthsary since she mentioned she liked a certain pair for duty. But she rarely wears them because she doesn’t want them to get dirty. Meanwhile, the gifts from her FUBU got daily use. 😂
Anyway, we moved on from that issue.
Then last week, we were having an intimate moment it was our 4th month. I was going down on her, and she started teasing me again, saying she wanted me to f*ck her already.
I got super turned on.
But a few minutes in, she suddenly begged me to stop foreplay and just do it and then she called me by another name.
She said, “Stop na, Jeff-vyyyy…” followed by an awkward pause, then said, “f@ck me na, lovey.”
I tried not to react, but I couldn’t perform anymore. The passion was gone.
Afterwards, I calmly asked her, “Did you just call me by another name?” I said I heard something that started with “j” or “Jeff.”
She denied it. I asked if she ever dated someone named Jeff or someone whose name starts with J. She said no and even said, “Can’t I just have gotten Bulol (tongue-tied)?”
But “Jeffveyy” is not a thing. It’s nowhere near “Lovey.”
A few days later, I apologized to her for being clingy and insecure lately. She said, “No need to feel insecure, you're more handsome anyway.”
So I took the chance and asked, “Can I see the pic of your FUBU? The one who gave you gifts?”
She tried searching for under the like “Mark John” but said the guy’s blocked me so I cant search him. Instead, she showed me a photo from the guy’s dad’s Facebook account.
Then a few days later, while we were riding in a Grab, I was scrolling through FB and saw a familiar face in my friend suggestions. I showed it to her.
I asked, “This is him, right?”
She said yes.
His name? Jefferson.
Everything flashed back:
- The “Jeff-veey” she said during sex.
- She pretended to search for another name on FB just to avoid the truth.
- The museum date when she also slipped and called me by the wrong name.
- The Gift she kept
- All things she mentions doing with her Fubu’s but not to me.
She apologized and said she didn’t know what to say. She insisted that she loves me and she is serious about our relationship and that she dreams of our future together.
But the damage was done.
I was already struggling whenever she called me “baby.” Now, it’s worse. I can’t even get hard anymore because every time we make out, I remember all of this her lies, her past, that name.
I don’t want to lose her. I’m already so attached. I really love her.
But she keeps lying or twisting the truth. And I understand that maybe she’s a private person and doesn’t want to share everything. But still… I want to know her completely and accept her fully.
Calling me by another man’s name twice really hurt. Especially during sex. I love sex but I can’t enjoy it anymore because I remember her past every time. And now… I feel even more insecure.
I don’t know what to do.
That’s why I’m venting here.
I know I’ve become an insecure guy because of all this.
But I’m stressed and hurt.
I’m stress-eating and losing hair.
I’ve already lost my confidence and self-worth but I still love her.
F*ck!
The thing I love most about her is also the thing I hate.
I know she doesn’t love me the way I love her.
Maybe she’s just using me to show her friends she’s moved on from the FUBU that didn’t work out.
Maybe she’s with me because it’s convenient because I was the one who pushed for exclusivity and a label.
Maybe I’m just an ego booster. A past-time. A training ground for her first real relationship.
But you know what? It’s okay.
At least she gave me the chance.
I'm continuing my best to be the best boyfriend she ever had, love her all that I can. While working on myself.
Im posting it here hoping na malabas ko na sya sa sytem ko and hindi na ako magoverthink dahil alam ko kung magtutuloy tuloy ito. posible na maging totoo ung mga iniisip ko. ung mga bagay na inooverthink ko lang is pwedeng maging totoo.
pero sana wag naman.