I’ve always been a pretty social person and had close friendships through school and college, but most of those faded over time. In recent years, I’ve tried making new friends, but a few just let me down—flaky, inconsistent, or not really there when it mattered.
Now in my 30s, with a family and very limited time, I’ve started feeling more isolated than I expected. I miss being part of a circle—a group of people I can connect with, rely on, and feel a sense of belonging with.
Is that even realistic at this stage of life? Has anyone been able to build that kind of group in their 30s, especially while juggling work, family, and everything else?
9 comments
Yes but expect that most people are prioritizing their family before friendships. It’s just a part of getting older and juggling responsibilities.
Yes, but it’s harder and you have to fight for it. The easiest way is if you have a hobby that requires other people (sports, gaming, drinking buddies, etc.). If your kids are younger, you can also make friends with their parents if you’re like-minded. But expect a lot of people to shoot down your requests to hang.
I wouldn’t say I’ve been wholly successful, but I do have some groups of friends that I see in different capacities.
Not to get on my urbanist pedestal but if you don’t live in a walkable neighborhood, you’re going to have to fight uphill to get that “circle” feeling. Have you had luck making friends with other parents, on playdates etc?
You have to be intentional about friendships in adulthood. It’s not like when you were in high school or college. A lot of us never adapted to how the formation of friendships changes in adulthood.
I highly suggest checking out the book Platonic by Marisa Franco.
I e had more success finding friends as an adult through common interest groups. I’ve made a great friend group through triathlon training and racing than anything else as an adult.
You often need to choose between family or friends. You usually can’t have both consistently. Most opt for family, hence the challenge. But the desire is strong on both sides. Dudes are also just way easier to befriend.
“Meaningful” is very subjective. I think it depends on what you’re looking for. When you have a wife, and kids, and a job, you have little extra time to develop an in-depth, ride-or-die type of relationship with one other person, let alone a circle of them. You just don’t have the time. That said, you can develop friendships over time, depending on what you do with the free time you have. I had my basketball friends, who I saw two or three times a week. When I moved, and then got married and had kids, those friends were replaced with other parents whose kids were my kids’ ages. We coached together, went to school events, etc. Were we “best friends” like in grade school? No, not really. But they were people I could call for help moving a couch, or jump-starting my car. Pretty sure I could get a ride to the airport, too, if I needed it. The thing is, the kind of friendships you develop as you get older change, as you do, because of what’s going on in everyone’s lives. I think it’s a natural part of life.
Hitting your 30ties life changes priorities shift you know family and work, etc. You have to put in a bit more work cause your old friends are under similar pressure.
Definitely, Ive met some close friends in my 30s. They have kids though, so we see each other when we can. We get lunch through the week or hang out on a morning moreso than going out for a banger night. Family first, and also career (I work with a few close friends).
Adults are generally busy if they are ambitious in any way (the interesting ones to be around imo), so they’re all trying to fit it all in – gym, work, spouse, kids, social life. So if you can get your friendship in one of those categories (i.e. make a close friend you can go to the gym with, or play some basketball with) that makes the logistics of it easier. Or friends through work so you can spend time on lunch or at happy hours together.