What made you realize it was okay to walk away from your family?
July 27, 2025
What made you realize it was okay to walk away from your family?
24 comments
Peace and healing felt better than staying out of guilt🤷🏼‍♂️
If they wanted me in their lives, they would have acted like it. They had 17 years to act like it.
When I got into a healthy relationship that is the epitome of unconditional love. I was able to start loving myself and stop my own toxic behavior as well as start setting boundaries.
I always knew it was okay to leave people behind who treat you like shit or you just plain don’t like and don’t want to be around. I just had to wait until I was 18 so I could actually enforce my own boundaries.
[removed]
I stopped all contact with my dad when I realised that no matter how many times I told him his actions/words hurt me he would never change.
So the only thing I could do was to remove myself from the situation. I wish him well and I want him to be happy, but I also deserve happiness and spending time with him takes away my peace.
Some people tell me bUT hE iS yOuR FaTHeR and think I’m cruel to cut contact. Don’t get me wrong, the situation still makes me sad but at least I am at peace with it.
When I kept getting different phrases of how I needed to do this for family peace, family, happiness and how I was wrong and I needed to do what ever thing it was that time for the family well being because we were family and needed to help each other. When I decided to go to college, everyone kept trying to tell me that was the wrong way of thinking that I could not abandon the family. That I needed to be normal and just find someone to settle down.
But I was family. I’m the one that got stuck as the designated sitter often just got ambushed and had to cancel my plans. I got tired of having to bite my tongue because “I had” to respect my elders. And I realized if I was family then when would my needs matter? If I was family then wasn’t me happy a priority as well? Why were my needs less valid? Why couldn’t I have my own dreams? And once I started asking myself those questions I realized that I loved them but I loved myself more. So I did apply to college and made sure it was no where near family. And say my decision caused a melt down is an understatement. But it’s the best decision I have ever made for myself.
I hit a certain age or maybe a certain distance from past events, and just…idk had an epiphany or something? It just *occurred to me* for the first time that I could choose to walk away from a parent who hadn’t done right by me.
I had a lifelong history of having put others first so it seemed quite the alien thought to me at the time.
I’ve since gotten quite comfortable with putting myself first when I can/need to.
Getting older is awesome, idgaf.
When I started healing and saw how much they kept dragging me back. Letting go felt scary but staying was worse.
When my dad told me I left my abuser too soon.
Initially, I pretty much had to get out of there (at 18). College gave me the excuse, but my father was making me miserable almost every time I saw him. I couldn’t stay. But I had a lot of guilt about leaving.
Years of living away from him showed me that he was the dysfunctional one; getting older than he had been in my childhood years made me realize what an awful parent he had been.
Now the guilt is gone, and our contact is minimal.
When my friends started talking about how horrible they were to me and asking me why I still talked to them. I haven’t walked away completely yet but I definitely don’t have as much contact as I did this time last year. It was a nice realisation that I wasn’t the problem and that my parents shouldn’t have treated me that way
Honestly, it was the day I realized I was constantly shrinking myself just to keep the peace. Coming from an Asian family, walking away felt like committing a sin like I was turning my back on everything they gave me. But then I realized… love shouldn’t feel like guilt, obligation, or fear. It was hard, and I still wrestle with it, but choosing peace over loyalty to pain was the start of healing.
When I realised my happiness and wellbeing depended on me only and how I respond to others and situations. Life is too short to allow ANYONE put you in any situation where you don’t feel safe or ok.
When I was 12 I finally understood what a pervert my dad was. Growing up he was always violent but when I saw the way he couldn’t take rejection from women he was trying to date I carefully planned my escape. My dad is a predator and I was being groomed. When I got back to my mom I realized she didn’t love me either and was very annoyed that she had to feed me again. I’m 41 now and haven’t spoken to either of my parents in decades.
It’s been 30 years I moved away for college and I just took that my opportunity to be really intentional how I spend time with them. Apart from first Xmas and summer home, I made sure I had plans every holidays until I graduated.
I go back home but to see my lifelong friends. Mum used to come over my place which I was ok cuz it’s in my environment and controlled. Last time I intentionally went over was 2 years ago for her 80th with my own nuclear family and that’s the last time I’ll go back intentionally.
The final straw with my grandfather was when I had sent him an email (our main form of communication) saying that it hurt my feelings that he didn’t seem to remember basic things about me and my life, and he replied back with an email telling me to literally go cry about it.
No longer having the burden of appeasing a self centered man with typical patriarch superiority instantly made my life better, ngl.
I realised the cycle and the trauma was too strong for me to break, it all goes back way too far and I couldn’t beat it on my own. In 22 yess nothings changed and I just don’t think I need to be the one to change it, why am I responsible? I also just think I deserve better – we’ve got one life, this is NOT how I want to spend it.
I was very young, like 6 or 7, when I realized I felt so much calmer and happier and safer when I was at school or a friend’s house. I maintained the connection but moved to another country to get as far away as possible when I was 18. That worked until I had kids of my own and saw the way my family mistreated my kids. That was it for me. I went no contact in 2014. No regrets at all.
When I got a hint that they will fix my marriage without even asking
[removed]
Joined military. Git away from step siblings that i hated (each parent married another person with kids). I lived away, then moved back years later. Limited contact with family i liked. Then went no contact at 40 to everyone but my brother. I was done with drama, drunks, duis all family not mine.
24 comments
Peace and healing felt better than staying out of guilt🤷🏼‍♂️
If they wanted me in their lives, they would have acted like it. They had 17 years to act like it.
When I got into a healthy relationship that is the epitome of unconditional love. I was able to start loving myself and stop my own toxic behavior as well as start setting boundaries.
I always knew it was okay to leave people behind who treat you like shit or you just plain don’t like and don’t want to be around. I just had to wait until I was 18 so I could actually enforce my own boundaries.
[removed]
I stopped all contact with my dad when I realised that no matter how many times I told him his actions/words hurt me he would never change.
So the only thing I could do was to remove myself from the situation. I wish him well and I want him to be happy, but I also deserve happiness and spending time with him takes away my peace.
Some people tell me bUT hE iS yOuR FaTHeR and think I’m cruel to cut contact. Don’t get me wrong, the situation still makes me sad but at least I am at peace with it.
When I kept getting different phrases of how I needed to do this for family peace, family, happiness and how I was wrong and I needed to do what ever thing it was that time for the family well being because we were family and needed to help each other. When I decided to go to college, everyone kept trying to tell me that was the wrong way of thinking that I could not abandon the family. That I needed to be normal and just find someone to settle down.
But I was family. I’m the one that got stuck as the designated sitter often just got ambushed and had to cancel my plans. I got tired of having to bite my tongue because “I had” to respect my elders. And I realized if I was family then when would my needs matter? If I was family then wasn’t me happy a priority as well? Why were my needs less valid? Why couldn’t I have my own dreams? And once I started asking myself those questions I realized that I loved them but I loved myself more. So I did apply to college and made sure it was no where near family. And say my decision caused a melt down is an understatement. But it’s the best decision I have ever made for myself.
I hit a certain age or maybe a certain distance from past events, and just…idk had an epiphany or something? It just *occurred to me* for the first time that I could choose to walk away from a parent who hadn’t done right by me.
I had a lifelong history of having put others first so it seemed quite the alien thought to me at the time.
I’ve since gotten quite comfortable with putting myself first when I can/need to.
Getting older is awesome, idgaf.
When I started healing and saw how much they kept dragging me back. Letting go felt scary but staying was worse.
When my dad told me I left my abuser too soon.
Initially, I pretty much had to get out of there (at 18). College gave me the excuse, but my father was making me miserable almost every time I saw him. I couldn’t stay. But I had a lot of guilt about leaving.
Years of living away from him showed me that he was the dysfunctional one; getting older than he had been in my childhood years made me realize what an awful parent he had been.
Now the guilt is gone, and our contact is minimal.
When my friends started talking about how horrible they were to me and asking me why I still talked to them. I haven’t walked away completely yet but I definitely don’t have as much contact as I did this time last year. It was a nice realisation that I wasn’t the problem and that my parents shouldn’t have treated me that way
Honestly, it was the day I realized I was constantly shrinking myself just to keep the peace. Coming from an Asian family, walking away felt like committing a sin like I was turning my back on everything they gave me. But then I realized… love shouldn’t feel like guilt, obligation, or fear. It was hard, and I still wrestle with it, but choosing peace over loyalty to pain was the start of healing.
When I was happier without them
When my mom slept with my ex-fiancé, lied to her whole side of the family and got me disowned
When I realised my happiness and wellbeing depended on me only and how I respond to others and situations. Life is too short to allow ANYONE put you in any situation where you don’t feel safe or ok.
When I was 12 I finally understood what a pervert my dad was. Growing up he was always violent but when I saw the way he couldn’t take rejection from women he was trying to date I carefully planned my escape. My dad is a predator and I was being groomed. When I got back to my mom I realized she didn’t love me either and was very annoyed that she had to feed me again. I’m 41 now and haven’t spoken to either of my parents in decades.
It’s been 30 years I moved away for college and I just took that my opportunity to be really intentional how I spend time with them. Apart from first Xmas and summer home, I made sure I had plans every holidays until I graduated.
I go back home but to see my lifelong friends. Mum used to come over my place which I was ok cuz it’s in my environment and controlled. Last time I intentionally went over was 2 years ago for her 80th with my own nuclear family and that’s the last time I’ll go back intentionally.
The final straw with my grandfather was when I had sent him an email (our main form of communication) saying that it hurt my feelings that he didn’t seem to remember basic things about me and my life, and he replied back with an email telling me to literally go cry about it.
No longer having the burden of appeasing a self centered man with typical patriarch superiority instantly made my life better, ngl.
I realised the cycle and the trauma was too strong for me to break, it all goes back way too far and I couldn’t beat it on my own. In 22 yess nothings changed and I just don’t think I need to be the one to change it, why am I responsible? I also just think I deserve better – we’ve got one life, this is NOT how I want to spend it.
I was very young, like 6 or 7, when I realized I felt so much calmer and happier and safer when I was at school or a friend’s house. I maintained the connection but moved to another country to get as far away as possible when I was 18. That worked until I had kids of my own and saw the way my family mistreated my kids. That was it for me. I went no contact in 2014. No regrets at all.
When I got a hint that they will fix my marriage without even asking
[removed]
Joined military. Git away from step siblings that i hated (each parent married another person with kids). I lived away, then moved back years later. Limited contact with family i liked. Then went no contact at 40 to everyone but my brother. I was done with drama, drunks, duis all family not mine.