I (24F) am living with just my mom (mid-50sF). My dad died years ago and my sister moved out like 4 years ago. I finished uni and cannot find a job. Since it is incredibly difficult to find a job, I’ve been looking into more schooling, likely something more specific than the standard four year degree I’ve got.

I recently told my mom that I want to do another degree that is a few hours away from the city I’m living in. I’m also thinking about doing another degree that I can do while living at home but I would probably have to move somewhere else to get a job afterwards. I haven’t told her about this second option.

When I did tell her about it she said it was probably too expensive to move there. It’s likely true – the city is incredibly expensive. But also later she texted my sister basically complaining to her about me wanting to move for a degree and that I said that my sister will have to take care of her now but she knows that my sister will be too busy with her job. My mom has a few health complications but she also doesn’t take great care of her own health either and it makes me so mad.

It’s like I’m expected to stay with my mom forever and care take of her forever. Be here forever. Like I should stay rotting in this house forever. I already told her I cannot do the physical duties of being a caretaker, and she said I know but I don’t think she’s really listening to me. My parents are/were poc immigrants, so while my material needs were met, my emotional needs while fucked up terribly growing up. My mom and I also have very different personalities, I am way more quiet and she is more chatty. I want to be able to live my own life at some point and I can’t do that at my parents’ house. And I’ve told my mom that she should get married again (she’s so big on the idea of romance) or at least have close friends she can build a relationship with. She’s not doing either. I feel so completely trapped and I’ll be stuck living a life that I don’t think is worth living to me. What should I do?!

TL;DR: Feeling like I’m trapped at home with my mom forever. And I have no idea what to do.


1 comment

  1. You need to plan to move out. Either get a “smaller” job that’s just enough to support yourself, or move on-campus and take out student loans.

    Your mother will not take care of herself while it’s easier to make you do it. You need to force her hand by TAKING your independence.

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