I've been looking around and a lot of people on reddit make it out to be some cardinal sin. I don't go to clubs/bars cause I hate crowds and don't drink, I currently WFH so I have zero interaction with people, so logically the best thing to do in my situation is to cold approach. I've been doing it for the past year after having 0 success on dating apps and my success rate is about 40/60. I really don't see the downside to cold approaching unless you're a weirdo and can't handle rejection. I keep seeing you shouldn't bother women, but one minute of their time isn't going to hurt them, women aren't delicate flowers that are going to faint as soon as you strike up a conversation with them đ. Another counterpoint I've seen is that you should get to know the person first, but is that not the purpose of a date? If I like you I'd rather make my intentions clear from the get-go instead of beating around the bush. Some of the women, whom i got numbers from, told me it was bold and unexpected( in a good way) and couldn't help but to slide me their digits to see where it goes . Now obviously not everyone is going to be receptive and will decline you and that's okay, all you do it thank them for their time in go about your day, It's that simple.
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you know what, I think u are right and it reminds me when I (cold) approached women on the streets, even some who I though were out of my league and still got the number
for some reason (maybe WFH and less social interactions most likely) I havent done that past years, this and added with the bubble thats reddit (there is some merit to this as well, not dismissing it)
dating apps dont do anything for me either. and I felt more I approach IRL better I get at it
the only issue now, that Im seeing, or perceiving, is that everybody is on their phone and if I approach they seem bothered.
also, Im in UK/EU so approaching on the street is not as common as US
Generally, there is a lot of ambiguity around when it’s ok to approach a woman or not. There are all kinds of mixed messaging, from men and women alike.
However, i imagine the stigma comes from the fact that it’s mostly promoted by “alpha-male” types whos followers often **are** weirdos and **can’t** handle rejection very well. This is also the type who already struggle with interpreting signals.
If it was truly so simple as you think, so many men wouldn’t struggle with it.
I think this is a great counterpoint!
The thing is, that the âdonât approach women on the streetsâ thing has been hammered so much lately that it genuinely causes dread.
Sure, some guys take it too far and exaggerate with the consequences, âoh she will call the police and I will be arrestedâ and such, and I think thatâs just a bit of a defense mechanism as well.
**The following is a long self-reflecting rant, you can skip it, but OP is right, donât fear rejection, just be polite:**
But on my part, I also WFH, I go out and I always wear headphones, I am somewhat asocial and extremely suspicious of strangers (I live in Colombia, this is a low trust society, someone approaching you on the street is either going to scam you, drug you or kill you for your belongings, before that I lived under a literal dictatorship), so I really try and live by the mantra of âdo upon others what you would like to be done to youâ, and I would like to be left the fuck alone; so I extrapolate and assume that everyone else is as violently opposed to strangers talking to them as I am to a stranger talking to me on the street.
Now, thatâs all internal, on the outside I am polite and at least lend an ear to know what the situation is, maybe they are asking for directions and I am more than glad to assist (being of service was also hammered in my nature, canât avoid it) and those interactions I really donât mind at all because I like helping people.
But people approaching me to sell me or offer stuff to me? I hate that. Hell even asking if I need help at the store I find a bit awkward because I always go to a store knowing what I want, and if I need assistance I will ask politely at the counter.
Anyways, I find dating apps to be the best approach for me, they are not perfect by any means but I feel safe there, because I have control of the situation. I donât get a billion matches but if someone I am talking to isnât capable of maintaining a conversation through text going, then they will 100% be unable to keep an in-person conversation going, so they are not a fit for me.
Isn’t it that a lot of woman say yes because sometimes are afraid to say no?
That’s why i am a little sceptical myself about cold approach. I know a lot of woman who are flattered and feel they have to say yes, cause you took the risk or they feel sorry for you.
Also a lot of women in my circle are sometimes scared to say no face to face, because of previous (negative) situations with men.
It’s also a huge difference if you approach someone because you get a WOW! factor (that doesnt happen much), or that you find someone hot, you just approach her like it’s some game (yes this happens a lot, feels like predator behaviour to me and is very off putting).
From my perspective….yes, if it is really sincere and unique, go for it. Otherwise? Nah.
How do you approach them? And where? What do you say to them?Â
I’m asking honestly, i want to do it but i’m struggling.
I donât think Iâve ever cold approached someone and thatâs just out of sheer social anxiety. However, I think the people that swear against it have either had bad experiences / go about their approach in entirely the wrong way.
What kind of things actually lead to a conversation when you approach someone like this?
honestly youâre right, as long as youâre respectful and take no for an answer, nothing wrong with it, you ever get a bad reaction or mostly positive vibes?
Itâs the dating equivalent of telemarketing
Don’t a lot of women complain that they just want to live their lives without being hit on every day?
I’d personally would be annoyed if I had to deal with being asked out of the blue by strangers when I’m just out in the street or at the shop or something like that. Bars and clubs are different since those settings encourage social interaction.
Basically, I wouldn’t want that done to me, so I wouldn’t do it to others.
Last girl i cold approached did say later that it was bold, direct and very much welcomed.
I just so happen to get the timing right for once because she said she started being open to dating again about a month ago lol.
We’ve only had 2 dates so far but so far so good?
Because it’s super peculiar that when you tell men “What you think of as cold approaching strikes us as annoying and we’d rather you didn’t, and by the way don’t grope us either” they throw up their hands in disgust, wonder loudly how else people are supposed to find love, decide romance is dead and women are horrible creatures, and decide to never leave the house again. Like, get a grip, there’s a world of possibility in between those two bookends
Its one of those things where it’s only a bad thing if it doesn’t work. I respect guys that can do that cuz it’s not something I have had a lot of success in; it doesn’t really fit my personality.
Plus we all know that the negative interactions are the ones that go viral. Like a guy getting rejected then getting disrespectful afterwards.
Because of social media. Plenty of viral instances of women making fun of and belittling men they don’t know for showing an interest in a public setting. Pretty much the number one reason. That and because it’s less and less practiced, friends don’t go around bragging about it at a young age during development, sharing motivational strategies/success stories.
We are just losing the need / convention as a society to engage with strangers.
I’m always a bit flattered if someone approaches me or talks to me in particular, I might do terrible in the actual interaction or confused if they “maybe” flirt like wink at me but I still think it’s a nice thing to do. As long as they are pretty casual about it I think it’s fine. I’ve only ever had like one maybe two guys ever give me their number but I am pretty nerdy and don’t have the best social skills so I don’t think I’m on most people’s radar until they know me personally.