What’s something you used to put up with in dating that you’d never tolerate now?
July 19, 2025
What’s something you used to put up with in dating that you’d never tolerate now?
26 comments
Low emotional intelligence.
the silent treatment
People who “wear their hearts on their sleeves”. Both people who did this were emotionally unstable and emotionally volatile. I prefer people now who have a level of emotional regulation that keeps me feeling sane around them
Not being willing to bend, always doing things on his terms
Poor financial or business decisions
Insecurity. Anxious attachment. Never again.
Ignorance, apathy, and ego.
The arrogant person! And be skeptical at the time of the appointment!
Having to beg/fight for his attention and time
In high school I dated a lot of guys who would go days/weeks without texting or calling me, even on my birthday. Or who I’d only see once a month. Then I met my now-husband in college and he was actively excited to spend time with me and talk to me. Sure we have our individual hobbies and spend some time by ourselves, but we also genuinely enjoy being with each other.
Being criticized or judged for no good reason and a competitive partner
only contacting when needs help.
A partner who doesn’t see me as equal in the partnership.
If I am really a “dumb kid” because “women are just inferior” then it’s borderline creepy that you are attracted to me. Also, I just got tired of being talked down to.
Letting the “small” red flags of a persons character slide. When a guy makes snarky sarcastic comments, or is passive aggressive (whether to me or a server ect.) I used to try to give the benefit of the doubt, and laugh it off or ignore it. Only to find out later that the guy was holding back on those first few dates and really is an insecure sarcastic asshole. Now I have zero tolerance for that, and a red flag is a red flag no matter how small.
My partner watching porn.
Emotional outbursts
Binge drinking/constant drinking
Drinking problem, not being over their ex, being too old for me, doesn’t move onto his side when I tell him he’s snoring at night
Men who don’t take care of themselves physically.
Most of it boils down to low EQ. Poor communication, unwillingness to acknowledge and respect others’ perspectives, not being able to disagree or discuss issues without it devolving into verbal abuse, needing to be asked to fulfill the same bare minimum expectations or simple requests countless times, excessive defensiveness and reactivity, pettiness, etc.
Someone who is really insecure. My last two exs were like this. One of them constantly asked if I liked him while the other flirted with every girl he could.
The persecution complex. Every time I tried to talk out a conflict, he would implode with “so you think I’m a bad guy?” I will never tolerate that again. Either meet my concern with equal concern as a partner or go spill your insecurities to a therapist. I’m done comforting men that regularly hurt my feelings with their callousness.
Lack of effort.
Going through the list of lessons learned from every ex:
1. Cheating. Silent treatment.
2. Untreated mental illness. Shitty potential in-laws. Instability, both financially and emotionally (though that was probably a given). Bad housekeeping. Vaping. Poor boundary maintenance. Lack of friends outside of the relationship. He was a sweet guy and is a decent human being, but he had some serious issues that I was not equipped to handle. Never again.
3. Being an option, not a priority. Unbalanced effort and financial contributions. Weed. Bad oral hygiene. Schrodinger’s jokes, especially at my expense.
4. Lack of responsibility for himself and his actions (took two tries for this one to stick, but I finally got there). Conspiracy theories. Questionable hygiene in general (this also took longer than it should have). Lack of ambition/direction.
5. Lack of commitment.
Dishonesty, low effort
Smoking. Vaping.
Someone with depression who is unwilling to seek ways to manage it and thinks “that’s just who I am”. Someone who is hypercritical of things in general and has a negative attitude.
26 comments
Low emotional intelligence.
the silent treatment
People who “wear their hearts on their sleeves”. Both people who did this were emotionally unstable and emotionally volatile. I prefer people now who have a level of emotional regulation that keeps me feeling sane around them
Not being willing to bend, always doing things on his terms
Poor financial or business decisions
Insecurity. Anxious attachment. Never again.
Ignorance, apathy, and ego.
The arrogant person! And be skeptical at the time of the appointment!
Having to beg/fight for his attention and time
In high school I dated a lot of guys who would go days/weeks without texting or calling me, even on my birthday. Or who I’d only see once a month. Then I met my now-husband in college and he was actively excited to spend time with me and talk to me. Sure we have our individual hobbies and spend some time by ourselves, but we also genuinely enjoy being with each other.
Being criticized or judged for no good reason and a competitive partner
only contacting when needs help.
A partner who doesn’t see me as equal in the partnership.
If I am really a “dumb kid” because “women are just inferior” then it’s borderline creepy that you are attracted to me. Also, I just got tired of being talked down to.
Letting the “small” red flags of a persons character slide. When a guy makes snarky sarcastic comments, or is passive aggressive (whether to me or a server ect.) I used to try to give the benefit of the doubt, and laugh it off or ignore it. Only to find out later that the guy was holding back on those first few dates and really is an insecure sarcastic asshole. Now I have zero tolerance for that, and a red flag is a red flag no matter how small.
My partner watching porn.
Emotional outbursts
Binge drinking/constant drinking
Drinking problem, not being over their ex, being too old for me, doesn’t move onto his side when I tell him he’s snoring at night
Men who don’t take care of themselves physically.
Most of it boils down to low EQ. Poor communication, unwillingness to acknowledge and respect others’ perspectives, not being able to disagree or discuss issues without it devolving into verbal abuse, needing to be asked to fulfill the same bare minimum expectations or simple requests countless times, excessive defensiveness and reactivity, pettiness, etc.
Someone who is really insecure. My last two exs were like this. One of them constantly asked if I liked him while the other flirted with every girl he could.
The persecution complex. Every time I tried to talk out a conflict, he would implode with “so you think I’m a bad guy?” I will never tolerate that again. Either meet my concern with equal concern as a partner or go spill your insecurities to a therapist. I’m done comforting men that regularly hurt my feelings with their callousness.
Lack of effort.
Going through the list of lessons learned from every ex:
1. Cheating. Silent treatment.
2. Untreated mental illness. Shitty potential in-laws. Instability, both financially and emotionally (though that was probably a given). Bad housekeeping. Vaping. Poor boundary maintenance. Lack of friends outside of the relationship. He was a sweet guy and is a decent human being, but he had some serious issues that I was not equipped to handle. Never again.
3. Being an option, not a priority. Unbalanced effort and financial contributions. Weed. Bad oral hygiene. Schrodinger’s jokes, especially at my expense.
4. Lack of responsibility for himself and his actions (took two tries for this one to stick, but I finally got there). Conspiracy theories. Questionable hygiene in general (this also took longer than it should have). Lack of ambition/direction.
5. Lack of commitment.
Dishonesty, low effort
Smoking. Vaping.
Someone with depression who is unwilling to seek ways to manage it and thinks “that’s just who I am”. Someone who is hypercritical of things in general and has a negative attitude.