What’s something you used to think all women just silently put up with until one day you found out it’s actually not normal at all?
July 11, 2025
What’s something you used to think all women just silently put up with until one day you found out it’s actually not normal at all?
44 comments
Deep, terrible, abdominal pain and urination issues (not that I knew it was an issue).
Turned out it was internal abdominal adhesions / scarring leftover from IGM in toddler years.
Ohhh yeaaaaa💅
My friend just thought sex was supposed to hurt. Turns out she had a grapefruit sized cyst in her uterus. For decades. That multiple doctors somehow missed.
Parents who never apologize.
Husbands being mean to their wives and generally acting like they don’t like them.
Passing out during menstruation, from pain and bleeding 15-20 days every month.
I spent decades begging for a hysterectomy but was always told that I would “change my mind” about kids.
Finally, at 40, a doctor agreed to do the procedure. During pre-op testing, I was diagnosed with adenomyosi, fibroids, and (unrelated but would have gone undiagnosed without pre-op) cervical cancer.
Random pain in joints or muscles surrounding certain joints.
Turns out it’s due to hypermobility, and only about 1/10 people in the general population is hypermobile (some are asymptomatic), making it a very common but relatively unknown genetic condition.
Constantly seeing videos of husbands walking ahead of their wives even when they are pregnant – wives are recording and posting it as a joke, and comments make it seem like it’s normal.. it’s not normal at all, their husbands don’t seem to care about them/even like them
Endometriosis, I can’t believe it’s 2025 and doctors still can’t pinpoint it and expect us to go home take paracetamol and expect everything to be fine.
Nothing one has to _put up with_ is normal.
Sex without orgasm
[removed]
Having a significant other who is always angry or is Waking up and they are angry about nothing at all or something from the day prior or heck even 5 years prior so that then made your whole day and mood awful cause they took it out on you immediately verbally at least. I rarely achieved the goals and chores or felt very good.
I had dealt with the same from my mother so I didn’t think twice. I remember one time telling her to stop when she was staying at my house as an adult but it of course did not so when my significant other started it I just accepted it without thinking.
I hope yall don’t deal with it but if you do put an end to it now!
‘I dont love my wife’ jokes made by 40+ men
Dating men with multiple sex partners, not like a few, no, I’m talking they have more sex partners than the years they’ve been alive.
I have nothing against people who do date people like that at all, men and women both are sensual, but that doesn’t automatically mean I have to like or put up with it in my own personal life. Turns out a lot of women I’ve met also don’t like this, we’re just used to it.
Bad men
Women doing basically everything relevant to the home and family while the men get praised and excused for their shitty personalities and behavior because they have jobs and maaaaybe once in a while may cook a meal or two.
I used to get really quickly worn out and sometimes pass out when I did any exercise. My dad and several gym teachers made me think I was just being weak and lazy. Turns out I have pots.
Painful sex!
Depression
In my teens and twenties: getting in trouble at work for needing to take a day off each month due to menstrual pain and being treated as if I was slacking. Being told by the dr to take Panadol and never being offered anything more effective.
you don’t have to be nice when people are being misogynist to you, it was never ok and you dont have to grin and bear it so as to not cause trouble.
An extremely heavy period that was quite painful and lasted seven to ten days, sometimes more.
Constant worrying and thinking about 10 things at once. Turns out, those are symptoms of anxiety.
Sex being painful, uncomfortable, or in general not super enjoyable. This is unfortunately such a common experience—it’s so often taught and expected that sex is something men need and women are supposed to do for men, with little or no focus on the idea that it’s something that shouldn’t happen unless it’s wanted and enjoyed by everyone involved.
Also so many people don’t know that women typically need at least 20+ minutes of buildup and 20+ minutes of enjoyable foreplay and clitoral stimulation in order for her body to experience the physiological changes that prepare her body for penetration and make it far more likely to be comfortable and enjoyable. Or that the vast majority of women don’t climax from just penetration, and need substantial clitoral involvement.
[removed]
Miscarriages
Period pain that is debilitating
Period pain. I thought it was normal to be in this extreme pain every month because my mother and a close friend were in pain too. It turns out both me and my friend have endometriosis, and I have a suspicion my mother might have suffered from it too.
That mom’s always did all the child care
Cramps so bad they make you puke or pass out.
Thought it was just a “girl thing” until I found out that’s literally not normal and many women suffer in silence because they’re told it is.
Husband’s finally doing something after listening to an “expert” and forgetting that their wife has been saying it for years.
Uncomfortable sex.
Moms being mean and controlling to their daughters. The familiar joke that “girls are harder to raise.”
I used to think painful sex was just something women had to tolerate sometimes. Like, I genuinely believed it was normal to feel discomfort during penetration and that it was just part of being a woman. It wasn’t until I started learning about pelvic floor health and communication that I realized how wrong that was.
peyronies
Feeling like you’re playing a role in your relationship (and sometimes very well). Turns out I was gay.
I thought all women hated touching/kissing/fucking men. Cuz of all the sexless marriage jokes…. turns out I’m gay
Period pain
Doctors (and people in general) dismissing you. It’s so important to advocate for yourself
‼️ perimenopause symptoms ‼️ I mean, I realize all women go through it so it’s normal in that respect. But these symptoms CANNOT BE NORMAL Y’ALL. 🤯
Some of the delightful symtpoms I’ve been silently putting up with over the last year that may or may not be related to r/perimenopause
– Night sweats
– Heart palpations
– Increased frequency in migraines
– Underwhelming orgasms (libidio a-ok though)
– Anal itching (whhhyyyyy)
– Itchy underarms (I feel like an orangutan… 🦧)
– Itchy inner ears (just… so much itching y’all)
– Dry eyes
– Freezing cold hands/feet (I keep an electric heating pad in the floor for my feet at work)
– My husband says I’m snippy and no longer “listen to him”. 😑 I really don’t think my behavior has changed at all lol (ok, maybe I have a few fewer f**** to give, but I’m not sure that’s a bad thing). Maybe I haven’t noticed my own descent into madness though, idk. 😅
And like, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Symptoms can get SO MUCH WORSE!! Go look up clitoral atrophy! Your labia can freaking disappear?!
I’m only 39, but had a hysterectomy (kept ovaries) two years ago and I think it speed up my peri timeline. Had a telehealth apt with my doc today. Going in person at the end of the month for a follow up to probably get some vaginal estrogen & HRT. I feel good about our convo today… we shall see though!
Getting constant BV but only thinking its from her side. No… men are carriers of it too.
Men being selfish lovers.
In my youth, I was coerced into sex so many times. Sometimes they used phrases like “I’ll be fast!” Most times, sex was something whose goal was male orgasm, and if I didn’t have one, they seldom asked what they could do to get me off. It just seemed like a common perception was that sex was primarily to the benefit of the man.
I thought it was normal to have to walk on eggshells around mom, and wait for the next moment that she’ll guilt trip you and make you uncomfortable
I thought no one was actually attracted to men but women all pretended they were to be polite. I figured all women were attracted to other women, which is why sexualized actresses were used in advertising and media all the time. Didn’t make sense that was just for men, since women buy things and watch movies too.
44 comments
Deep, terrible, abdominal pain and urination issues (not that I knew it was an issue).
Turned out it was internal abdominal adhesions / scarring leftover from IGM in toddler years.
Ohhh yeaaaaa💅
My friend just thought sex was supposed to hurt. Turns out she had a grapefruit sized cyst in her uterus. For decades. That multiple doctors somehow missed.
Parents who never apologize.
Husbands being mean to their wives and generally acting like they don’t like them.
Passing out during menstruation, from pain and bleeding 15-20 days every month.
I spent decades begging for a hysterectomy but was always told that I would “change my mind” about kids.
Finally, at 40, a doctor agreed to do the procedure. During pre-op testing, I was diagnosed with adenomyosi, fibroids, and (unrelated but would have gone undiagnosed without pre-op) cervical cancer.
Random pain in joints or muscles surrounding certain joints.
Turns out it’s due to hypermobility, and only about 1/10 people in the general population is hypermobile (some are asymptomatic), making it a very common but relatively unknown genetic condition.
Constantly seeing videos of husbands walking ahead of their wives even when they are pregnant – wives are recording and posting it as a joke, and comments make it seem like it’s normal.. it’s not normal at all, their husbands don’t seem to care about them/even like them
Endometriosis, I can’t believe it’s 2025 and doctors still can’t pinpoint it and expect us to go home take paracetamol and expect everything to be fine.
Nothing one has to _put up with_ is normal.
Sex without orgasm
[removed]
Having a significant other who is always angry or is Waking up and they are angry about nothing at all or something from the day prior or heck even 5 years prior so that then made your whole day and mood awful cause they took it out on you immediately verbally at least. I rarely achieved the goals and chores or felt very good.
I had dealt with the same from my mother so I didn’t think twice. I remember one time telling her to stop when she was staying at my house as an adult but it of course did not so when my significant other started it I just accepted it without thinking.
I hope yall don’t deal with it but if you do put an end to it now!
‘I dont love my wife’ jokes made by 40+ men
Dating men with multiple sex partners, not like a few, no, I’m talking they have more sex partners than the years they’ve been alive.
I have nothing against people who do date people like that at all, men and women both are sensual, but that doesn’t automatically mean I have to like or put up with it in my own personal life. Turns out a lot of women I’ve met also don’t like this, we’re just used to it.
Bad men
Women doing basically everything relevant to the home and family while the men get praised and excused for their shitty personalities and behavior because they have jobs and maaaaybe once in a while may cook a meal or two.
I used to get really quickly worn out and sometimes pass out when I did any exercise. My dad and several gym teachers made me think I was just being weak and lazy. Turns out I have pots.
Painful sex!
Depression
In my teens and twenties: getting in trouble at work for needing to take a day off each month due to menstrual pain and being treated as if I was slacking. Being told by the dr to take Panadol and never being offered anything more effective.
you don’t have to be nice when people are being misogynist to you, it was never ok and you dont have to grin and bear it so as to not cause trouble.
An extremely heavy period that was quite painful and lasted seven to ten days, sometimes more.
Constant worrying and thinking about 10 things at once. Turns out, those are symptoms of anxiety.
Sex being painful, uncomfortable, or in general not super enjoyable. This is unfortunately such a common experience—it’s so often taught and expected that sex is something men need and women are supposed to do for men, with little or no focus on the idea that it’s something that shouldn’t happen unless it’s wanted and enjoyed by everyone involved.
Also so many people don’t know that women typically need at least 20+ minutes of buildup and 20+ minutes of enjoyable foreplay and clitoral stimulation in order for her body to experience the physiological changes that prepare her body for penetration and make it far more likely to be comfortable and enjoyable. Or that the vast majority of women don’t climax from just penetration, and need substantial clitoral involvement.
[removed]
Miscarriages
Period pain that is debilitating
Period pain. I thought it was normal to be in this extreme pain every month because my mother and a close friend were in pain too. It turns out both me and my friend have endometriosis, and I have a suspicion my mother might have suffered from it too.
That mom’s always did all the child care
Cramps so bad they make you puke or pass out.
Thought it was just a “girl thing” until I found out that’s literally not normal and many women suffer in silence because they’re told it is.
Husband’s finally doing something after listening to an “expert” and forgetting that their wife has been saying it for years.
Uncomfortable sex.
Moms being mean and controlling to their daughters. The familiar joke that “girls are harder to raise.”
I used to think painful sex was just something women had to tolerate sometimes. Like, I genuinely believed it was normal to feel discomfort during penetration and that it was just part of being a woman. It wasn’t until I started learning about pelvic floor health and communication that I realized how wrong that was.
peyronies
Feeling like you’re playing a role in your relationship (and sometimes very well). Turns out I was gay.
I thought all women hated touching/kissing/fucking men. Cuz of all the sexless marriage jokes…. turns out I’m gay
Period pain
Doctors (and people in general) dismissing you. It’s so important to advocate for yourself
‼️ perimenopause symptoms ‼️ I mean, I realize all women go through it so it’s normal in that respect. But these symptoms CANNOT BE NORMAL Y’ALL. 🤯
Some of the delightful symtpoms I’ve been silently putting up with over the last year that may or may not be related to r/perimenopause
– Night sweats
– Heart palpations
– Increased frequency in migraines
– Underwhelming orgasms (libidio a-ok though)
– Anal itching (whhhyyyyy)
– Itchy underarms (I feel like an orangutan… 🦧)
– Itchy inner ears (just… so much itching y’all)
– Dry eyes
– Freezing cold hands/feet (I keep an electric heating pad in the floor for my feet at work)
– My husband says I’m snippy and no longer “listen to him”. 😑 I really don’t think my behavior has changed at all lol (ok, maybe I have a few fewer f**** to give, but I’m not sure that’s a bad thing). Maybe I haven’t noticed my own descent into madness though, idk. 😅
And like, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Symptoms can get SO MUCH WORSE!! Go look up clitoral atrophy! Your labia can freaking disappear?!
I’m only 39, but had a hysterectomy (kept ovaries) two years ago and I think it speed up my peri timeline. Had a telehealth apt with my doc today. Going in person at the end of the month for a follow up to probably get some vaginal estrogen & HRT. I feel good about our convo today… we shall see though!
Getting constant BV but only thinking its from her side. No… men are carriers of it too.
Men being selfish lovers.
In my youth, I was coerced into sex so many times. Sometimes they used phrases like “I’ll be fast!” Most times, sex was something whose goal was male orgasm, and if I didn’t have one, they seldom asked what they could do to get me off. It just seemed like a common perception was that sex was primarily to the benefit of the man.
I thought it was normal to have to walk on eggshells around mom, and wait for the next moment that she’ll guilt trip you and make you uncomfortable
I thought no one was actually attracted to men but women all pretended they were to be polite. I figured all women were attracted to other women, which is why sexualized actresses were used in advertising and media all the time. Didn’t make sense that was just for men, since women buy things and watch movies too.
…yeah I’m stupid…and a lesbian.