How important is emotional intelligence and self awareness in a potential mate?
July 2, 2025
Is emotional depth underrated in attraction? Curious how much self-awareness and EQ shape real compatibility.
35 comments
It’s a baseline requirement for me, including ideally that someone has done a fair bit of therapy if they needed it/could access it.
It is extremely important. I cannot over state its importance. Nobody is perfect or done growing and having the ability and desire to independently explore that with introspection is *huge*. I’m not going to drag another man kicking into emotional maturity, that’s for damn sure.
It’s a cornerstone of any relationship with me. Self awareness was what initially drew me to go talk to my husband.
Critical for healthy relationships.
Non-negotiable
It’s a minimum requirement
Sometimes I think I can deal with someone not being emotionally intelligent. It never actually works out though 🤦♀️
Well, I didn’t think it was very important to me when I first got together with my partner in my early 20s. Now we’re in our late 20s and have had to do sooo much work just to hit a baseline level of healthy communication. It’s really difficult to be in a relationship with someone who struggles to empathize with you, take responsibility for their actions, or communicate about emotions. It can be learned and my partner has improved quite a bit, but after a couple years of difficulty and a decent amount of couple’s therapy.
It’s the most important.
Non-negotiable. My ex had no empathy and would never even attempt to understand my needs.
The most important. I’ve walked through the door crying and he just hugs me while I sob out the problem. We rarely fight and if we do it’s kind of a we aren’t respecting feelings/stress of the other. So it’s an easy to deal with issue because neither of us deny the others rights to such emotions.
I’ve dated guys in the past that have said I’m just making excuses for my feelings. Them not realizing I’ve done an analysis of my emotions and I recognize where issue is stemming from. Those relationships sucked
EQ is
Awareness of own’s emotions, and able to manage them
Awareness of others / the group’s emotions and able to manage them
This is from a course I took once upon a time. From this course, it isn’t ’emotional depth’
I’d say the first 2 (own’s) is critical
Extremely and it took me until now (age of 29) to learn so. Lack of self awareness and emotional intelligence comes with so frustration on our behalf and learning on the other person’s behalf. Instead of meeting me in a place I now expect them to be in, you are spending time teaching them how to be emotionally intelligent or self aware, if that makes sense. From here on out, it’s a non negotiable
Important enough to be weirded out by somebody calling it a “mate”.
No. 1. A long term healthy relationship cannot function without it.
I don’t see emotional intelligence and emotional depth as the same thing. My husband has low EQ and it can be annoying at times, but not a big deal and he definitely has emotional depth. He’s far more empathetic than me, but sometimes can’t even figure out what emotion he’s feeling, or why he is. So long as communication is good, it’s fine.
We actually had this conversation today – he sometimes needs me to help him figure out what is bothering him and why, and I can read his emotions better than he can at times.
We’re a unit. So if he lacks in one area I’m happy to pick it up. He does the same for me in other areas.
[removed]
The bare minimum. Dating someone with no EQ was draining and I felt like I had to beg for a scrap of understanding or empathy. I’ve been single by choice for several years because life is much more peaceful than trying to teach someone how to have basic skills in that area.
[removed]
Bare minimum requirement.
It would be a deal-breaker to not have them.
It’s very important for me.
I learned the hard way that I should have prioritized these things many years ago. Blinded by love. Live and learn.
For me, it’s now easily top 3. HUGELY important and non-negotiable. I’m not ever getting married again, but I won’t ever again spend any significant time or effort on a relationship with a man who cannot demonstrate these things right out of the gate.
You can’t ask for or demand that someone mature, or become self aware, or shift to internal locus of control. I’ve tried. It’s exhausting and it’s fruitless and it’s a complete waste of time and energy.
Very important – why wouldn’t they be? Don’t you want a partner who has some level of emotional intelligent and awareness???
The price of admission. I won’t consider anyone a future/potential partner without it
It’s a requirement. Dating people who aren’t self aware vs self aware has made an astronomically huge difference in the quality of my relationships. I’m also self aware, so..yeah. I need the other person to care about that and be that kind of person, too.
Try to do without it- communication breaks down and resentment builds.
Each person needs to be self aware enough and mature enough to be able to take feedback. Marriage is the world’s worst group project when you are the only one doing the work.
In. Both. Partners
[removed]
“Emotional depth” feels like a vague concept. I require someone who is kind, thoughtful, and mature. I don’t require someone who understands the subconscious motivations behind their actions, desires, feelings. But I do require that if someone isn’t as thoughtful or mature as I expect, that they would be willing to seek help and insights.
Super important. Looks fade but how someone handles emotions and understands you lasts. Emotional depth is underrated. It’s what makes real connection work long-term.
Very!
Paramount
I think self awareness is one component of emotional intelligence.
This is the baseline. For me, it is required and essential. I wouldn’t even consider someone who didn’t have these traits.
Verrrrry important for me. One of the most important things. Non-negotiable.
35 comments
It’s a baseline requirement for me, including ideally that someone has done a fair bit of therapy if they needed it/could access it.
It is extremely important. I cannot over state its importance. Nobody is perfect or done growing and having the ability and desire to independently explore that with introspection is *huge*. I’m not going to drag another man kicking into emotional maturity, that’s for damn sure.
It’s a cornerstone of any relationship with me. Self awareness was what initially drew me to go talk to my husband.
Critical for healthy relationships.
Non-negotiable
It’s a minimum requirement
Sometimes I think I can deal with someone not being emotionally intelligent. It never actually works out though 🤦♀️
Well, I didn’t think it was very important to me when I first got together with my partner in my early 20s. Now we’re in our late 20s and have had to do sooo much work just to hit a baseline level of healthy communication. It’s really difficult to be in a relationship with someone who struggles to empathize with you, take responsibility for their actions, or communicate about emotions. It can be learned and my partner has improved quite a bit, but after a couple years of difficulty and a decent amount of couple’s therapy.
It’s the most important.
Non-negotiable. My ex had no empathy and would never even attempt to understand my needs.
The most important. I’ve walked through the door crying and he just hugs me while I sob out the problem. We rarely fight and if we do it’s kind of a we aren’t respecting feelings/stress of the other. So it’s an easy to deal with issue because neither of us deny the others rights to such emotions.
I’ve dated guys in the past that have said I’m just making excuses for my feelings. Them not realizing I’ve done an analysis of my emotions and I recognize where issue is stemming from. Those relationships sucked
EQ is
Awareness of own’s emotions, and able to manage them
Awareness of others / the group’s emotions and able to manage them
This is from a course I took once upon a time. From this course, it isn’t ’emotional depth’
I’d say the first 2 (own’s) is critical
Extremely and it took me until now (age of 29) to learn so. Lack of self awareness and emotional intelligence comes with so frustration on our behalf and learning on the other person’s behalf. Instead of meeting me in a place I now expect them to be in, you are spending time teaching them how to be emotionally intelligent or self aware, if that makes sense. From here on out, it’s a non negotiable
Important enough to be weirded out by somebody calling it a “mate”.
No. 1. A long term healthy relationship cannot function without it.
I don’t see emotional intelligence and emotional depth as the same thing. My husband has low EQ and it can be annoying at times, but not a big deal and he definitely has emotional depth. He’s far more empathetic than me, but sometimes can’t even figure out what emotion he’s feeling, or why he is. So long as communication is good, it’s fine.
We actually had this conversation today – he sometimes needs me to help him figure out what is bothering him and why, and I can read his emotions better than he can at times.
We’re a unit. So if he lacks in one area I’m happy to pick it up. He does the same for me in other areas.
[removed]
The bare minimum. Dating someone with no EQ was draining and I felt like I had to beg for a scrap of understanding or empathy. I’ve been single by choice for several years because life is much more peaceful than trying to teach someone how to have basic skills in that area.
[removed]
Bare minimum requirement.
It would be a deal-breaker to not have them.
It’s very important for me.
I learned the hard way that I should have prioritized these things many years ago. Blinded by love. Live and learn.
For me, it’s now easily top 3. HUGELY important and non-negotiable. I’m not ever getting married again, but I won’t ever again spend any significant time or effort on a relationship with a man who cannot demonstrate these things right out of the gate.
You can’t ask for or demand that someone mature, or become self aware, or shift to internal locus of control. I’ve tried. It’s exhausting and it’s fruitless and it’s a complete waste of time and energy.
Very important – why wouldn’t they be? Don’t you want a partner who has some level of emotional intelligent and awareness???
The price of admission. I won’t consider anyone a future/potential partner without it
It’s a requirement. Dating people who aren’t self aware vs self aware has made an astronomically huge difference in the quality of my relationships. I’m also self aware, so..yeah. I need the other person to care about that and be that kind of person, too.
Try to do without it- communication breaks down and resentment builds.
Each person needs to be self aware enough and mature enough to be able to take feedback. Marriage is the world’s worst group project when you are the only one doing the work.
In. Both. Partners
[removed]
“Emotional depth” feels like a vague concept. I require someone who is kind, thoughtful, and mature. I don’t require someone who understands the subconscious motivations behind their actions, desires, feelings. But I do require that if someone isn’t as thoughtful or mature as I expect, that they would be willing to seek help and insights.
Super important. Looks fade but how someone handles emotions and understands you lasts. Emotional depth is underrated. It’s what makes real connection work long-term.
Very!
Paramount
I think self awareness is one component of emotional intelligence.
This is the baseline. For me, it is required and essential. I wouldn’t even consider someone who didn’t have these traits.
Verrrrry important for me. One of the most important things. Non-negotiable.