As opposed to the typical marriage? What if we still had like a party / event kind of like a wedding just without signing any contracts?
24 comments
My parents were common law for many years, it worked for them but I know there’s certain risks depending on the region.
Pretty good with it. We had a personal “ceremony “ with whisky, and an exchange of rings 25 years ago. But… make your wills and set up your finances to benefit one another. We don’t have kids, so that simplifies things.
Where I live there isnt a legal difference so meh.
its all fine by me, why?
It doesn’t exist in most states in the US.
People were like “your parents are common law married” and no. It is not a thing.
If it makes sense for them and the parties involved are truly happy and it’s what they want, then I’m happy for them.
I have dual citizenship. One recognises common law, the other doesn’t. My SO’s country doesn’t have it, and we live in a country that doesn’t have it, so it doesn’t make sense for us.
But like I said, people have their own preferences, situations, cultures, and whatnot. I’d be happy going to any type of celebration of a couple who are my friends as long as they are happy.
Why not just get married then? The paperwork to break up a real marriage AND the lack of paperwork to enjoy its benefits (if you die without a will, money goes to the other spouse; you are the decider on end of life decisions) is way easier than the paperwork to have a common law marriage (super complicated to break apart joint ownership of a house/other stuff unless parties can amicably agree on how, with NO courtroom judge available to break the tie; your money goes to your own parents if you die without a will; your spouse’s parents make your spouse’s end of life decisions, etc). Marriage makes lifelong partnership and potential breakup easier, not harder
I am against it. There are many reasons two adults (a couple) would choose to live together without getting married. Counting them as married just because they live together sounds like legal abuse.
If people want the legal rights of marriage; get a marriage license.
I think common law does not involve a party. We call it De Facto.
I think it is important that our laws reflect this. I think it is important that people have options and can do what suits them.
The only thing I don’t like about it is it can make some people complacent and settle because “we’re married anyway”.
I am common law married, I’d still like to be legally married to my partner one day. But because we are common law married and don’t want children there is no rush and no pressure.
I’m surprised the amount of loops people will jump to get married without actually getting married
If both are comfortable with the arrangement and can make it work, then no one else should have a say, let alone the government.
Do what works for you and your relationship. There’s no actual rules, just societal pressure! The only thing I can think of that might actually matter legally at some point is health insurance and covering your person if they’re going through it. But if shit hits the fan you could just get legally married then anyway. Otherwise… POA for everything else. I will say though, “common law” marriage where I’m at is just stating you are partnered with the person for life. It’s not.. anything. Which is totally fine for some relationships! Not totally fine for protections that marriage provides. I used to be of the mindset “if we are gonna be together for life then why not get married?” But I’m now more on the “why get married if we are gonna be together life?”. But I already had someone’s kids and been there and done that, so very biased in that regard. If you’re family planning it’s different, absolutely. It really is more than emotions tho… a lot of commitment comes with marriage that cannot be replicated, and “common law” doesn’t cover those things when it’s not recognized in a lot of places. If you want the protection of common law then why not actual marriage at that point? If you’re just trying to throw a party and scream from the rooftops how much you love your partner then common law is perfect.
Against regular belief, no, you do not need to be married for someone to make your end of life decisions on your behalf either. That is another POA. Financials?? POA. Pretty much everything can be solved with a POA. What do people think that people who never get married do??
I’m in one, except my country calls it De Facto Partnership. I don’t think I want to get married at this point, nor would I change my name. Been together 8 years.
An actual legal category of common law marriage with the same protections as regular marriage would satisfy most of my needs but that barely exists in the U.S., and not at all in my state. I would not be okay with being “common law married” in the sense of living as husband and wife and calling each other such but with no legal status.
I’ve learned through this sub that some countries do have protections for people cohabitating etc. and I think that’s excellent.
It doesn’t exist in the the UK the only protection you get is via marriage. However if you get married in 2025 but have been living together in that house since 2019, if you are married, the home contribution date will be moved back.
Love doesn’t need a license to be real.
Not a thing I remember I researched it when I was living with my now husband I was thinking once you’d lived together for 7 years it was classed as common law turned out no it wasn’t.
The question is why. My attitude will depend on the answer
I would not be with a man who would not be willing to marry me
I’ve been in Europe for the last two years pretty much and I’ve met men (very immature I must admit) who have no intention of or out and out refuse to marry a woman, even common law, because they “dont want the government in their business.” All of them have been weirdly antagonistic towards their government for what feels like really silly reasons that’s more stuff they’ve read then stuff they’ve experienced
I try to explain ok well if you marry a woman
1) you’re taxed as a single unit so if you have children it’s more beneficial, even without children it’s beneficial. The tax incentive isn’t the government trying to carrot on a rope you into telling them your business, birth rates are declining. It’s an incentivization.
2) if you care about the woman you’re with at all you will do it not for emotional reasons or security but because if/when you decide to have children, the child and the woman will be protected. If you just have kids with her and break up she does not get legal protection and she does not see alimony and I’m sorry but I refuse to entertain someone like “yes you gave up your career to raise our children and took a large financial hit and a massive hit to your savings because you are accumulating less and thus compounding less and I do not have the decency to thank you for this” I understand raising kids is not a business deal and it is horrible to think of it as one but it is ridiculous that I am forsaking earning while he progresses in his career because I am giving up time and in the end I lose what I was earning/have to cut into savings to stay afloat if we part
3) as I grow older the less I want to “be different” for the sake of it. There is emotional and sentimental value and security in someone proclaiming before all our friends and family that they won’t just up and leave, that they will actually put in effort towards the relationship. Maybe some of you do not need that reassurance but I do and I wouldn’t tolerate otherwise
Where I live there is no difference legally between common law marriage and actual marriage. So I am indifferent lol. Before we got married we were common law for years and nothing changed after our wedding other than I wear a ring now haha
It doesn’t exist in Australia. Australian law recognises de facto marriage, in which the partners have pretty much the same rights as a married couple. I’m not entirely sure what a common law marriage is. But I can’t imagine “feeling” any particular way about it; how people choose to live their lives doesn’t bother me at all, as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. It’s none of my business.
I’m not married, I never agreed to be lawfully bound to anyone, and just because I live with someone for a long time does not mean we are married.
No such thing in my country.
Not even sure why you’d bother – if you want to get married, get married. If you don’t, don’t.
Just make sure you are both agreed on, and if necessary, get legal agreements about the distribution of assets if something happens..
I’ve only met 2 couples who were common law married.
One couple has multiple children and have been together for over a decade. Seems to work for them.
The other couple…they don’t actually live like husband and wife. They live in the basement of a family member’s house. And they carry themselves like perpetual teenagers. Nothing serious or real about the relationship, no tangible commitment. They’ve been dating for about 6 years. She can’t give me an answer on when they considered themselves married.
So I personally don’t equate their relationship to a legal marriage in any way.
24 comments
My parents were common law for many years, it worked for them but I know there’s certain risks depending on the region.
Pretty good with it. We had a personal “ceremony “ with whisky, and an exchange of rings 25 years ago. But… make your wills and set up your finances to benefit one another. We don’t have kids, so that simplifies things.
Where I live there isnt a legal difference so meh.
its all fine by me, why?
It doesn’t exist in most states in the US.
People were like “your parents are common law married” and no. It is not a thing.
If it makes sense for them and the parties involved are truly happy and it’s what they want, then I’m happy for them.
I have dual citizenship. One recognises common law, the other doesn’t. My SO’s country doesn’t have it, and we live in a country that doesn’t have it, so it doesn’t make sense for us.
But like I said, people have their own preferences, situations, cultures, and whatnot. I’d be happy going to any type of celebration of a couple who are my friends as long as they are happy.
Why not just get married then? The paperwork to break up a real marriage AND the lack of paperwork to enjoy its benefits (if you die without a will, money goes to the other spouse; you are the decider on end of life decisions) is way easier than the paperwork to have a common law marriage (super complicated to break apart joint ownership of a house/other stuff unless parties can amicably agree on how, with NO courtroom judge available to break the tie; your money goes to your own parents if you die without a will; your spouse’s parents make your spouse’s end of life decisions, etc). Marriage makes lifelong partnership and potential breakup easier, not harder
I am against it. There are many reasons two adults (a couple) would choose to live together without getting married. Counting them as married just because they live together sounds like legal abuse.
If people want the legal rights of marriage; get a marriage license.
I think common law does not involve a party. We call it De Facto.
I think it is important that our laws reflect this. I think it is important that people have options and can do what suits them.
The only thing I don’t like about it is it can make some people complacent and settle because “we’re married anyway”.
I am common law married, I’d still like to be legally married to my partner one day. But because we are common law married and don’t want children there is no rush and no pressure.
I’m surprised the amount of loops people will jump to get married without actually getting married
If both are comfortable with the arrangement and can make it work, then no one else should have a say, let alone the government.
Do what works for you and your relationship. There’s no actual rules, just societal pressure! The only thing I can think of that might actually matter legally at some point is health insurance and covering your person if they’re going through it. But if shit hits the fan you could just get legally married then anyway. Otherwise… POA for everything else. I will say though, “common law” marriage where I’m at is just stating you are partnered with the person for life. It’s not.. anything. Which is totally fine for some relationships! Not totally fine for protections that marriage provides. I used to be of the mindset “if we are gonna be together for life then why not get married?” But I’m now more on the “why get married if we are gonna be together life?”. But I already had someone’s kids and been there and done that, so very biased in that regard. If you’re family planning it’s different, absolutely. It really is more than emotions tho… a lot of commitment comes with marriage that cannot be replicated, and “common law” doesn’t cover those things when it’s not recognized in a lot of places. If you want the protection of common law then why not actual marriage at that point? If you’re just trying to throw a party and scream from the rooftops how much you love your partner then common law is perfect.
Against regular belief, no, you do not need to be married for someone to make your end of life decisions on your behalf either. That is another POA. Financials?? POA. Pretty much everything can be solved with a POA. What do people think that people who never get married do??
I’m in one, except my country calls it De Facto Partnership. I don’t think I want to get married at this point, nor would I change my name. Been together 8 years.
An actual legal category of common law marriage with the same protections as regular marriage would satisfy most of my needs but that barely exists in the U.S., and not at all in my state. I would not be okay with being “common law married” in the sense of living as husband and wife and calling each other such but with no legal status.
I’ve learned through this sub that some countries do have protections for people cohabitating etc. and I think that’s excellent.
It doesn’t exist in the the UK the only protection you get is via marriage. However if you get married in 2025 but have been living together in that house since 2019, if you are married, the home contribution date will be moved back.
Love doesn’t need a license to be real.
Not a thing I remember I researched it when I was living with my now husband I was thinking once you’d lived together for 7 years it was classed as common law turned out no it wasn’t.
The question is why. My attitude will depend on the answer
I would not be with a man who would not be willing to marry me
I’ve been in Europe for the last two years pretty much and I’ve met men (very immature I must admit) who have no intention of or out and out refuse to marry a woman, even common law, because they “dont want the government in their business.” All of them have been weirdly antagonistic towards their government for what feels like really silly reasons that’s more stuff they’ve read then stuff they’ve experienced
I try to explain ok well if you marry a woman
1) you’re taxed as a single unit so if you have children it’s more beneficial, even without children it’s beneficial. The tax incentive isn’t the government trying to carrot on a rope you into telling them your business, birth rates are declining. It’s an incentivization.
2) if you care about the woman you’re with at all you will do it not for emotional reasons or security but because if/when you decide to have children, the child and the woman will be protected. If you just have kids with her and break up she does not get legal protection and she does not see alimony and I’m sorry but I refuse to entertain someone like “yes you gave up your career to raise our children and took a large financial hit and a massive hit to your savings because you are accumulating less and thus compounding less and I do not have the decency to thank you for this” I understand raising kids is not a business deal and it is horrible to think of it as one but it is ridiculous that I am forsaking earning while he progresses in his career because I am giving up time and in the end I lose what I was earning/have to cut into savings to stay afloat if we part
3) as I grow older the less I want to “be different” for the sake of it. There is emotional and sentimental value and security in someone proclaiming before all our friends and family that they won’t just up and leave, that they will actually put in effort towards the relationship. Maybe some of you do not need that reassurance but I do and I wouldn’t tolerate otherwise
Where I live there is no difference legally between common law marriage and actual marriage. So I am indifferent lol. Before we got married we were common law for years and nothing changed after our wedding other than I wear a ring now haha
It doesn’t exist in Australia. Australian law recognises de facto marriage, in which the partners have pretty much the same rights as a married couple. I’m not entirely sure what a common law marriage is. But I can’t imagine “feeling” any particular way about it; how people choose to live their lives doesn’t bother me at all, as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. It’s none of my business.
I’m not married, I never agreed to be lawfully bound to anyone, and just because I live with someone for a long time does not mean we are married.
No such thing in my country.
Not even sure why you’d bother – if you want to get married, get married. If you don’t, don’t.
Just make sure you are both agreed on, and if necessary, get legal agreements about the distribution of assets if something happens..
I’ve only met 2 couples who were common law married.
One couple has multiple children and have been together for over a decade. Seems to work for them.
The other couple…they don’t actually live like husband and wife. They live in the basement of a family member’s house. And they carry themselves like perpetual teenagers. Nothing serious or real about the relationship, no tangible commitment. They’ve been dating for about 6 years. She can’t give me an answer on when they considered themselves married.
So I personally don’t equate their relationship to a legal marriage in any way.
I think it depends on the details.