How do you feel about asking someone what they do for work upon meeting them?
May 26, 2025
It seems to be the very first thing that gets asked, at least in US culture
7 comments
I know a lot of people of whom I don’t know their job, yet I speak them every week.
Why would I care so much about their job? Does it define them? Is an estimation of their income make them more or less?
Sure the topic of work might come up, but it’s definitely not a standard talking point. I have friends of 20+ years and I couldn’t even tell you their profession, much less their current job / position. same applies to actual family and in laws who I see very regularly. the issue just doesn’t come up more than “do you have to work tomorrow?” or “we have to reschedule dinner, I have to work late that day”
I find that what people do for work is very often the least interesting thing about them, so I don’t ask at all – at some point it usually comes up.
But in general, if I am talking to someone, it’s not because I care what they do in the 8 hours they’re at work every day (well, okay, if they’re a beekeeper I’ll ask a ton of questions, because I think bees and thus beekepers are super cool).
It’s an uncool question to ask. But it’s not rude, like “do you have any kids?”.
It’s just there are hundreds of other questions to ask to get a conversation going.
I play football with a group of people I didn’t know for the last 6 months or so and I still have no idea what most of them do for work. Like at first contact? Feels a bit weird but later yeah it’s usually fine but we don’t usually talk about our jobs that much
It gets brought up when it’s relevant to the conversation. I know people whose jobs I don’t know. If somebody starts talking about some part of their work, it’s fine to ask, but it’s weird to lead with that.
It’s rude and often something people from privilaged backgrounds do to people who they believe are from a class beneath them.
This is how I believe London works for sure. In Dublin, where I’m from, less so.
7 comments
I know a lot of people of whom I don’t know their job, yet I speak them every week.
Why would I care so much about their job? Does it define them? Is an estimation of their income make them more or less?
Sure the topic of work might come up, but it’s definitely not a standard talking point. I have friends of 20+ years and I couldn’t even tell you their profession, much less their current job / position. same applies to actual family and in laws who I see very regularly. the issue just doesn’t come up more than “do you have to work tomorrow?” or “we have to reschedule dinner, I have to work late that day”
I find that what people do for work is very often the least interesting thing about them, so I don’t ask at all – at some point it usually comes up.
But in general, if I am talking to someone, it’s not because I care what they do in the 8 hours they’re at work every day (well, okay, if they’re a beekeeper I’ll ask a ton of questions, because I think bees and thus beekepers are super cool).
It’s an uncool question to ask. But it’s not rude, like “do you have any kids?”.
It’s just there are hundreds of other questions to ask to get a conversation going.
I play football with a group of people I didn’t know for the last 6 months or so and I still have no idea what most of them do for work. Like at first contact? Feels a bit weird but later yeah it’s usually fine but we don’t usually talk about our jobs that much
It gets brought up when it’s relevant to the conversation. I know people whose jobs I don’t know. If somebody starts talking about some part of their work, it’s fine to ask, but it’s weird to lead with that.
It’s rude and often something people from privilaged backgrounds do to people who they believe are from a class beneath them.
This is how I believe London works for sure. In Dublin, where I’m from, less so.