Someone asked on the French language subreddit about ways to ask someone out. Most people replied that, in France, people don’t ever ask each other out. They just assume they’re dating at some point.
I was wondering if this is true and how it goes in your region/country. I have never dated anyone but many people I know remember the date when they started dating, so I assume they do ask.
21 comments
It either [works like that](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6j-1QuzfH4Q)
Or [does not work at all](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KOUCOYVAos)
I always asked my partners to ‘be formal’, but I am relatively old (40+) so I can imagine things have changed.
I don’t really know how it is for others on this point, but I do not trust my own social skills to reliably recognise it. So, I would probably ask a few dates in, for clarification/verification if nothing else
Never experienced this in the UK, and the whole “will you be my bf/gf?” formal process seems very *American* to me.
You typically meet someone on a dating app, or in a bar/club, or are friends with someone through work or your social circles, you hang out, hook up, maybe go on some more formal dates and after a few weeks someone asks “so are we bf/gf now then?” and you agree and there you are.
The whole “lets date formally date for 3 months before a formal question confirming status” thing I’ve never seen nor experienced.
I think yes, I remember one serious boyfriend asking me if we are boyfriend and girlfriend now, back at university. There was also one guy introduced me around as his girlfriend, although things looked quite different from my point of view 🤣 But I guess it’s different for everyone. I think it is nice to just do the “are we in a relationship/exclusive” round to get misunderstandings out of the way. If one side is looking for a relationship and the other side wants to keep it casual or doesn’t want to be exclusive, it is nice to be open and honest about it.
Then again, I have been married for a long time, I don’t know how things are right now.
Nnno, you just hang out together under different pretexts, or you go on dates, until you start smooching spontaneously. By that point you kinda agree that you are dating exclusively. At least 20yo-me would.
If we went straight to coitus, I’d assume this is a casual thing until specified otherwise.
So yes, maybe it is asking, but it’s mostly in body language.
Husband and my “dating start” was our first kiss. It’s kinda like this: If you hat some sexual contact and keep talking afterwards, you’re dating. No explanations needed.
Maybe it depends on the person more than anything. Personally I want to be asked, it doesn’t need to be a big occasion but yes I want to be asked “will you be my girlfriend?” And I would not assume we are unless asked. Because I’ve assumed too many times only for the men to then say we aren’t when asked for clarification so I learned from that. Girlfriend benefits start only when asked…
I actually had a discussion with a Chilean friend of mine about this. He’d been “dating” a German girl for 2 months and he’d routinely cheat on her with random girls he met. I’m not one to stick my nose into other people’s business, but while talking I casually mentioned that he cheated on her a lot and he was like ???
So I found out that in Latin America it’s normal for adult couples to “officialize” their relationships. Basically, after a while they straight up ask each other “do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend?”. They’d never had “the talk” so he assumed they were just fuck buddies, despite spending every day together and doing all types of romantic stuff (including vacations together, just the two of them).
I feel like here in Italy (and to be honest I thought it was the same in most of Europe until this thread) that’s kind of a childish thing to ask. You start going out with someone, then after a while it’s implied that you’re in a relationship and you’re not seeing other people. I’ve never outright asked a girl to be my girlfriend, it just happened. The official start date is usually decided afterwards, like for example me and my ex used to celebrate our first date but if you’d asked us what we were at the time it would’ve been an awkward question
in Poland is the same as in your french example.
You ask each other out in elementary school or formally in the form of engagement.
Yes, I need to know if we’re on the same level and if they have the intention to exclusively be with *me* and no one else. Like, if I’m their girlfriend or just someone they’re dating while still dating other people lol. That has to be talked about at some point.
Thankfully I’ve never had to do it so far because the respective men took that matter off my hands, but yeah otherwise I would ask at some point if we’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months
I remember when I was in high school that there was this girl who posted on her FB photos of her boyfriend asking her if he wanted to date her and I kid you not he was on his knees offering her a ring.
That’s certainly an outlier, but over here I think it depends on the couple. Some people ask directly, whereas others spend enough time together that there’s no need to ask.
Disclaimer: Before my current relationship, I hadn’t been in one since my primary school “relationship” (which ended with a note lol), so I have very little idea. So my experiences are my own and what I know from my close friends.
I actually asked my gf to make it official 2 months into dating. We were exclusive from the get go since we connected so incredibly well and we both liked to focus on 1 person only.
My best friend also asked his ex multiple times even though they were dating exclusively for months but she kept saying no and broke up with him in the end. He also asked his current girlfriend like 2 months in and she said you can call me your gf if you want but I’m not ready to reciprocate yet. But by now they’re very much official and going strong.
My other best friend never actually asked his girlfriend but it was extremely implied when she moved to Europe from Mexico and moved in with him lol.
Don’t know what’s customary, I’m too autistic to not have clear instructions (and I also interact with many different cultures) so I will ask directly. That way I can’t go wrong
It’s implicit and kind of an unwritten rule. If you continue to see each other after kissing or any kind of sexual contact, if you for more it is kind of assumed pretty soon that you are together aka gf/bf. I don’t care about labels but seeing other people in the same time would not be acceptable unless agreed upon. Maybe it’s changed for GenZ but I see it that way as a 30+ french dude.
I did ask my now-wife, who is British. She finds it hilarious / endearing to this day, but I’ve never seen myself in a relationship unless it’s explicitly stated as such. Looking back that might explain a few awkward things in my past….
I would. But I think there’s a big difference between different generations here.
1. Going on dates, meeting each others’ families and friends, spending most of the nights at each other’s homes = single, if not any other agreement or discussion on “what are we & are we official”. You can keep dating other people and you don’t need to talk about your other partners to your partner.
2. Doing the same as mentioned above but having had a discussion whether you’re exclusive or not.
– if you decide that you’re exclusive, you’re exclusively dating so you’re not dating other people at the same time, but you’re not in a relationship and the boundaries of cheating etc are different than in a relationship. Typically not strong ties to each other like shared apartment or bank account.
– if you don’t want to be exclusive, you might still continue dating while knowing you both can date other people as well or you might decide to be friends with benefits etc
3. Doing the same thing as described above but you’ve had a discussion and decided to be in a relationship. = you’re in a relationship.
There’s a big difference between 1-3 when it comes to dating other people at the same time & how to end it. 1 can be ended without announcing it to each other/by ghosting, 2 probably requires having a talk with the other person and 3 requires breaking up with them, sort of officially ending a relationship and becoming single.
I think it’s nice to actually ask/discuss things so both of you are in the same boat and don’t end up accidentally hurting each other. All of these options are good.
My wife is Latin American and after a couple of months of relationship she was like: hey you never asked me to be your girlfriend.
I was surprised because we were already living together
Apparently it is a cultural thing. For me is more about the actions than the words. If we behave like a couple we are a couple
Depends. Goes without saying sometimes. It is good to discuss exclusivity at some point though, or go for the upside-down-pineapple somewhere in the house.
In student culture there is a whole cycle you have to go through:
Scharrel – just messing around
Kwarrel – messing around but also spending some quality time
Eventuela – just dating but you see potential in it
Prela – dating and intending to go towards a relationship
Exclusief – not dating other people
Rela – relationship
Every stage needs to be talked about and determined, and goes along with a type of wine that you have to drink to celebrate (usually a whole bottle of it at once). It differs a bit per city. It’s ridiculous.
Germans don’t ask questions if the answer is obvious, so “the talk” doesn’t happen. You spend a lot of time together and fuck , you might feel like being in a relationship