My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. This happened after we had sex for the first time, and I had been really nervous, because I didn’t want him to think I was doing anything wrong. I had never had penetrative sex before, so it made me a bit scared. It ended up being fine, not that good, but he seemed happy enough.
But then he said to me afterwards that he had never seen a woman’s chest have such visible veins, and it was a bit of a turn off. I’ve always been insecure about that. I have a very small chest, and because I’m quite fair because of where I’m from, the veins are quite visible. They don’t stick out, but it’s like how you can see the veins on your wrist. I don’t tend to wear anything low cut because of it, and only ever wear swimsuits when I’m on holiday with my friends and it’s very hot there. I just find it a bit embarrassing. So I wanted to cry when he said that. He then told me to stop ‘pulling that face’ and that it’s not a big deal, he can get over it. And then added that I was nice and tight so that made up for it, which made me feel really weird.
I just didn’t know what to think. I never thought he’d say something like that to me, about something like that. He had said little things before, like that my hair was too light and that girls with brown hair were hotter. I had tried to let them go, but they bothered me a little because I like my hair. But this is so much worse. It makes me want to cry thinking about it, because I really do hate my chest and now him saying it as well has made it worse. If he really liked me, I feel like he wouldn’t be that concerned with my body. I know it’s weird, and it doesn’t look good, but I had sort of hoped that I could make up for it by being a nice person. But I don’t think it’s been enough and I don’t know what to do. I’m far too scared to have sex with him again, but I don’t want to be unfair either. I don’t want to take the fact that I’m self conscious out on him, but it really did hurt me.