I’m grappling with overwhelming thoughts as I face the pivotal decision of marrying and committing to my significant other. I have been dating for 9 years and dated him since I was 17 years old. Though my mind is flooded with concerns, I find it challenging to structure them clearly. Reflecting on our relationship, I’ve noticed several troubling signs that I’m finding difficult to overlook:
1. **Family Dynamics**: His family, including his mother, may present challenges. She makes comments and gossips about others that don’t sit well with me and is basically not a warm or welcoming person in general. How can we handle these potential conflicts? What steps can we take to ensure our relationship thrives amidst these dynamics? Is it possible for us to set firm boundaries to shield our relationship from negative influences?
2. **Behavioral Concerns**: His impatience is troubling. He tends to raise his voice and becomes easily frustrated during disagreements, which hampers our communication. I’m uncertain about how to resolve conflicts and build a genuine partnership under these conditions.
3. **Social Awareness**: He seems oblivious to social cues. His lack of public affection and the rarity of personal compliments or special gestures make me feel unappreciated and neglected.
4. **Home Maintenance**: Since moving into our house three years ago, we’ve failed to establish a cleaning routine, leaving me to manage the chores alone. This imbalance in household responsibilities is a constant source of stress.
5. **Conflict Resolution**: His approach to arguments is passive; he waits for me to initiate reconciliation. This pattern prevents us from addressing and resolving issues promptly and effectively.When we argue he is never the person to come up to me to make things better. He always waits for me to speak to him and resolve our issues.
These issues are causing me significant concern as I contemplate the future of our relationship. I am not sure what to think about all of this and If these are even major concerns to have..thoughts?
I often remind myself that he possesses commendable qualities as well. He is hardworking and proficient in his role as an engineer, which enables him to provide a financially stable life for us. He is generous, often paying for dinners, ordering items I might need, and covering all expenses related to our dogs, as well as our property taxes and utility bills. I am certain that deep down, he truly loves me. However, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by his inability to follow through on tasks I have asked of him. He tends to be introverted, which makes it challenging for him to express and communicate his feelings without becoming defensive. Additionally, we fully trust each other and grant one another the freedom to pursue our individual interests and spend time apart whenever necessary, which is easier since we don’t have children. His loyalty is unwavering; he is deeply committed to his work and has never shown interest in pursuing relationships with other women. This commitment to his profession and to our relationship provides a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect.Having been together for 10 years, we have watched each other grow; it’s hard to imagine finding someone else with whom I could share such a profound and extensive connection.