We have been together for going on 4 years next week. We have a 2 year old child and have been engaged since 2021. We have both been trying to plan the wedding as much as possible but we found out she was pregnant shortly after the engagement. Everything in my eyes seemed like it was going great and “normal” we have been friends for 7 years so it’s tough to hide when things are bad. Just last Saturday (one week ago) we had gotten back from a vacation together, we went to a family get together and she was speaking to my grandma very highly of our relationship and telling her she wants another child this year. (Just insight of how things were going)
The next day, Sunday, she told me she was going out with her friend that is town. Completely fine, no worries. Monday she goes out with a different friend and comes home around 2am. Fine again. Tuesday she tells me she’s going to Apple bees for Margaritas with a co worker. I asked to talk about it because our finances are not ok right now and this would be the 3rd night she’s gone out in a row. We were both “broke” after our vacation and bills and just reckless spending. She agreed and said she would stay home she just doesn’t want to argue. As soon as she gets home she starts making small jabs about me throwing a fit. After a little argument she leaves to Applebees and text me “I love you be home later” completely ghost me after that and didn’t answer her phone till 7:30am when I had to leave for work but has our son. She became apologetic and after work said “I get I messed up I’m sorry I don’t have energy to argue.”
Wednesday she stays home. Thursdays she goes out and comes home around 4. Friday she asks if I’m okay if she goes out again. I felt like we were in a crappy place and asked to just talk before she leaves. She then “invited me” to go out with her. We made a couple drinks at home and had a conversation that went left. She stated she’s not sure if she’s happy anymore but it’s not me it’s her and she would like a break to figure it out. I proceeded to ask if she was seeing someone else as none of this really makes sense as it was all so sudden. She swore up and down there isn’t, she just doesn’t know what’s going on but thinks it is just a low low. (She has been diagnosed to potentially be Manic or have BPD.)
We go out together and she was happy for about ten minutes before something triggered her and she has an attitude all night. Woke up in the morning and she was fine and “lovey”. She went to work and began texting me telling me she’s sorry for treating me bad and she just wants to come home and rest and ask me to come visit her at work. I go there and she’s hugging me telling me don’t worry she’s not going anywhere she wouldn’t leave me. Later that night she tells me she’s going out with the same coworker and she will communicate this time if she’s coming home and such, which she did. Get’s home around 5:30-6am. Sunday we have a great morning and later in the day I catch her looking for 1 bedroom apartments and sparks a conversation on how she doesn’t really plan on leaving she’s just going through it and needs space. Stays home that night. Yesterday (Monday) I called into work as I’m mentally drained. She brings our son to the zoo so I can finally get a break. She comes home and we converse again about what’s going on and she states she wants to move out next month at the end our lease and we need a break to come back stronger. I ask if we’re still exclusive and just working on us and she states that she is not talking to anyone currently or thinking about doing anything yet but no promises because we’re not together. After an hour or so I told her I’m going to check into a hotel for a bout a week to clear my mind and feel better. She got very upset and said I can’t leave her and that wasn’t part of the plan. She continued to go out to the basketball game last night and came home around 2. When she got home I left her in the room with our son and slept on the couch where she woke me up upset I was out there. I left to work without kissing her bye and she called me upset about that.
I feel like I’m stuck in a complete mind f***.
What do I do? Is this a normal BPD episode that will pass over a week or so?
We have been in a similar situation the past two years as well that start almost the same exact day each year.
tl;dr: Fiance of 4 years was doing great then out of nowhere started staying out every night and hit me with the “it’s not you it’s me” then apologizes and says she’s not going any where then gets distant and says she’s not happy. When I tried to give her space and get a hotel for a week she said I can’t leave and gets upset if I don’t kiss her before leaving for work..