I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 months now (officially), but before that we dated for about a month, and we had been friends for about 6. So I’ve known her for a while now. She’s my first girlfriend, so I’m still learning about relationships in general, but overall her and I are doing great. I genuinely consider her my best friend, and she considers me as her best friend. Although we hangout almost everyday, we never get tired of each other.
She also took my virginity, and because it was a big deal to me, I still remember the day it happened. It was around Christmas time, and even though we had sex a couple of times during the week of Christmas and new years, she still seemed a little distant. What I mean by that is she wouldn’t text me first (most of the time), wouldn’t really set up dates, and in general we just didn’t text much. I remember things felt weird during this time, something felt off and I still sometime wonder why it went the way it went.
Once we officially started dating, she started to be more lovey dovey, and maybe 2 weeks in she finally started to treat me much different. The change was pretty noticeable, but it was gradual.
Around the beginning of our relationship I asked her if she still talked to her ex. She told me she hasn’t texted him since winter break, and it was because he reached out for closure. I thought it was weird she still had him as a contact, but she reassured me that she doesn’t talk to him anymore.
Last night while we were sleeping I needed to use the restroom. I needed a flash, and my phone was dead so I asked my girlfriend if she can hand me hers for a flash. I didn’t even notice it until I got the bathroom.
I guess I got curious about who she texts, and read a couple of messages. She’s part of a club in school, and I saw a conversation she had with another guy in the club. From the texts I could tell he was the president of the club. What I thought was weird is that she mentioned me and referred to me as a friend.
I scroll even more down and I found another guy. Reading the first message, I could tell it was her ex. It was a text from him saying something like “I know things didn’t end the way I wanted them to. Take care.”, my girlfriend left him on read. The message was sent around new years. I scroll deeper, and I saw that he’d send her selfies, and she’d compliment him, he’d also ask to hangout, and although my girlfriend was dating me unofficially, she’d agreed to it. It was obvious he still liked her, and it was obvious he implied dates.
What got me even more upset is that she stopped by his house to drop off Christmas gifts, and he also gave her some gifts. It really upsets me because I remember texting her if she wanted to celebrate Christmas with me and she told she was too busy around that time.
On new years she also texted him happy new years, but what’s weird is she didn’t text me happy new years that night. She actually left me on delivered for a couple of days during that time.
I also found other instances where he’d ask her if she wanted to go watch a movie, dinners, hangout. Although she didn’t agree to all of them, she’d offer up other days.
I didn’t read anymore because I was in the bathroom and didn’t want to make her think something was suspicious. The texts between him and her go way back, and I simply didn’t have time to read them.
About 2 weeks before we became official is when they last texted. From what she told me, they broke up last February.
I’m really upset and confused. I know she loves me a lot, and even wants to move in with me soon. She’s like my best friend. How can I move forward? I don’t even know if I should bring this up.
TLDR:
I (25m) found my girlfriend (21f) texting her ex boyfriend. This all happened a couple of weeks before her and I became official. I feel really upset and don’t know how to confront her about this.