TL;DR 23M & 22F Getting equal? But claiming that isn’t why they bring it up when it clearly is? It’s like I open the floor everytime I bring up an issue. It makes me fearful to even speak on my emotions.
To make this quick and short (I tried) A big issue has always been, when I bring up something that bothers me, he hears me (barely, he is growing bc he actually used to completely ignore me and just counter argue). But then he brings something up that he “thinks” is the same, but it’s not, right after and it always feels like he is trying to get even. Which he has expressed like don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. Which just seems childish to me. The things I bring up are actual issues that affect me and the shit he brings up is stuff that I would do for him with no complaints.
I’m fighting between, yes I need to be able to hear him out and understand my wrongs, BUT like that little ass shit really? That’s not the same.
I have now been able to recognize this fear I have of not being able to just bring stuff up to him when I have a concern, I shake, I cry, my anxiety is through the ROOF, because I am fearful of the things he will bring up, how he will react, and I have been told by him that I am too much before. I also expressed bc he said this, it will take time for me to be able to figure out what is worth saying and what isn’t.
I want to preface all of this by saying: we are a healthy couple, 5 years strong and military, this is literally the only issue we have here and there, he is sweet, he is an introvert and doesn’t go out, but he just lacks emotional intelligence I think?
I am seeking advice on what I can do to not feel like I have to defend myself everytime he does this, or what to say to have him realize that doing this, does not make me want to express how I feel! This is over something I needed him to do vs something that I could’ve gotten to later and he never complains about it…. Knit-picking!