My neice, who was 18 at the time, moved in with me and my partner last October (2023). She was having mental health problems and my sister couldn’t handle her & begged me to take her on, so I did. My neice couldn’t find a job, so for the first 4 months, we paid for all her expenses. When I asked my sister & her husband for some help financially, my sister started screaming at me, saying my neice needs to find a job and that it’s not her responsibility to pay her expenses anymore. My sister has severe mental problems and my neice has special needs, so I just dropped it. I care about my neice a lot more than my sister, who is an extremely toxic person.
My neice has been doing great with us since last year. She’s almost done upgrading high school and getting her diploma. My mom & I got her set up with funding which has helped with her expenses since February. I got her in driving school and she’ll be able to take her driving test next month. I got her in therapy and her mental health has improved substantially. I also got her to see a gyno to help with a variety of menstrual issues she was having. Everyone in the family has seen the positive changes but my sister and her husband are demanding she returns home to live with them. It seems they don’t like how well she’s doing in my care & it makes them feel like bad parents (which tbh, they are).
I told my neice she can stay with us, but when she’s done school we expect her to get a job and pay $800/month, which will be inclusive of everything including food. We currently spend around $500/month on food for her, so the extra costs would be for the utilities and adding her to our car insurance (I’ll let her drive my car which I rarely use because I work from home.)
We think this is a fair deal, but unfortunately, her toxic parents are telling her that we are greedy to expect her to pay that much and that she should only be expected to pay for her food. She is now 19 years old and I’m not sure how coddling her will benefit her or prepare her for adulthood. My partner and I are doing well financially, which is partly why my sister thinks I’m being greedy, but I don’t believe I should have to take financial responsibility for my adult neices and nephews because I made good financial decisions. I also now have 10 niblings, and I can’t do for one and not for the rest. Imagine thinking I should financially support 10 neices and nephews….
Anyway, writing this out has made me really see how ridiculous my sister is being. I guess I could use some advice on how to deal with her? Or maybe a reminder that I’m not crazy and I’m dealing with a weirdo?
Edit: I live in Canada, in a big city. It seems some Americans are responding and are shocked by what things cost here lol. Minimum wage where I live is $15/hr. Since Covid, groceries are extremely expensive. $500 for one person in a month is actually cheap here. All expenses since she has moved in with us have been calculated, I’m not adding anything or making anything up.
Tl;Dr: I’m doing well financially but I still think my neice should pay rent to live with me. Her parents think I’m being greedy for that. What do you all think?