TLDR; Should I leave my marriage even touch my husband hasn’t cheated yet?
Looking for some guidance and support regarding a challenging situation in my life. I’m a 29F currently married to my husband, 28M. We’ve been married for three years and are expecting our second child; I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant. We have a 2 year old son. However, I’m facing some significant issues in my marriage that are causing me a great deal of distress.
My husband is currently deployed overseas and is set to return home in a few weeks. Recently, he’s expressed some troubling sentiments about our marriage and his beliefs about monogamy. He’s shared with me that he doesn’t see himself as being married and has expressed a desire for an open marriage, citing his reluctance to be committed to one person. This has deeply hurt me, as I value trust and commitment in a relationship.
While my husband claims to be open to the idea of me seeing other people, I don’t believe this to be genuine based on past experiences where he became upset over my interactions with other men. This was when I broke up with him years ago and I was casually dating/ seeing other people.
Despite not having evidence of infidelity, I can’t shake the feeling that he may have intentions to pursue other relationships outside of our marriage. I know he hasn’t cheated on me…yet. He is in the military (officer) and he works a lot. We share locations and I have checked his phone and found nothing. He also doesn’t have any social medias. But I have a gut feeling that he’s bringing this up now because he already has someone he wants to pursue something with. But because he knows he could get in trouble with his command for infidelity and I would divorce him and get a lawyers involved to get as much money as possible he’s trying to find a way to have his cake and eat it too.
Considering these factors, I’m grappling with the decision of whether to stay in the marriage or pursue separation. I have certain values that I’m unwilling to compromise on, and I’m concerned about the impact this dynamic could have on our children, especially given my husband’s demanding military career ( btw he’s an officer)
I have a supportive family and career opportunities in my home state, which would provide stability for myself and my children if I were to leave the marriage. However, I’m conflicted about the potential consequences of depriving my children of a relationship with their father due to his military obligations. My biggest is truly my kids not growing up around their dad. My 1st already isn’t attached to him because on his demanding career. He has missed so many significant days because of training, duty, etc.
Do I leave my marriage even though he hasn’t cheated but has intentions or thoughts about it?
I understand that this is a complex situation, and I would greatly appreciate any insights and guidance as I navigate this challenging decision.
Thank you for your time and assistance