I’ll provide some background because we have an unusual living arrangement and live 35 minutes apart.
I rent a smaller apartment with my twin daughters (in high school). Both are allergic to dogs. Our apartment is walking distance to their school. They will both go to university in 2 years.
He rents a bigger condo 35 mins away for himself and his 2 big dogs.
My apartment is smaller and less comfortable for guests, so he rarely comes over. I usually end up going over to his place for the weekends (my daughters go to their dad’s on the weekends…he can’t come and stay during that time because his dogs can’t come over and he can’t leave them alone for the weekend).
This is a source of contention for him because he feels I should stay at his place for a minimum of 3 nights per week. However, I work and he tends to be very nocturnal and every time I stay there I end up sleep deprived, so I’ve said I can stay over Friday and Saturday nights, but not on a night when I work the next day.
He’s currently getting his Masters while also working a remote job. He has ADHD (and maybe other things that are not diagnosed) but when he gets stressed out/overwhelmed, he shuts down. Unless I’m there. And I’m very willing to help, but it can be hard to work all day, drive to his place and sit beside him for 5 hours then drive back home. I can do that a couple of nights but I have stuff to do as well.
He’s really annoyed with me because he says he needs me there every day for the next 2 weeks until he gets through exams. My issue is he didn’t pre-plan this….and I have said I’ll go twice through the week but he says that’s being short-sighted and selfish because I should be willing to just do whatever it takes to help him get through his exams.
I’m so torn. On the one hand, maybe he’s right? On the other hand, I find it so frustrating (even though I know it’s real because I see it all the time with him) that he can’t just work. That he needs me sitting there to “body double”. I don’t experience this issue at all and I know I should be more empathetic but it drives me crazy.
But since it’s important (exams) and it’s short lived (about 2 weeks) shouldn’t I just suck it up and do it? Does the fact that I’m so annoyed by it mean we truly just aren’t compatible? We do have plans to live together in about 2 years once the girls are off to Uni, but I’m honestly not even sure anymore because of this (this is an ongoing issue with work/errands/school work with him, but in this circumstance it’s more pronounced because it’s more important).
Does anyone with ADHD have any advice?
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tldr: partner wants me to sit beside him so he can focus on work/exams but I told him I’ll only do it 2 days during the week and on weekends….he’s mad.