My boyfriend is NOT a partner and really lately has just felt like more of a burden on my to-do/chore list.
I’ve been sick several times this year with pretty bad Covid or other kinds of illnesses, and shocker, I’m sick again right now. For context I own my apartment (he stays here), we both have good jobs, and I have 2 dogs, we have been together for 2+ years.
This morning I woke up after sleeping for 12 hours as my ass got kicked last night by whatever has infected me this time. It was 11:00am and my dogs had not been out since 11:30pm the night before (they are big dogs and can hold it for this amount of time overnight just fine, but should go out sooner than later). So despite being sick and feeling like shit, I obviously got up and was getting my dogs ready to go out.
He gets up off the couch where he was sitting watching TV and takes one dog and goes outside with me. While outside I said, “it would be nice if you’d give me a break and just taken the dogs out for me”. He responded saying he’d have done it eventually and if I had asked.
It pissed me off because… #1 he knew the dogs hadn’t been out in almost 12 hours, and #2 why do I need to ask you? You know I’m sick and you know the dogs need to pee. Why do I need to be the adult of the two of us and tell him what to do?
We came back inside and I made myself some food and went back to bed to lay down. He asked if I wanted anything. I said sure, some vitamin water (powder mix in little packets). He makes it and gives it to me.
A few hours later I get up because wse I need to feed my dogs (they only eat once per day due to special diets). Come to find he’s still sitting on the couch, hasn’t done any of the dishes, and of course did not even think that the dogs who are living and breathing animals may need to eat.
So again, I start doing it myself. He says “I could’ve done that”. But again, he didn’t. So I complete the task on my own and wash the dishes in the sink, and I throw out the vitamin packets and wash the spoon he left from making my vitamin water. This triggers me because my thoughts are “I can’t even ask him to do something for me while I’m sick because he makes more work for me in the end”.
I’m going insane. If I mention these things to him he just gaslights me by saying it’s not that big of a deal and I should just ask him. But why?! I might as well do it myself if I need to ask.
He becomes such a dick and acts like I’m some nagging bitch whenever I try to tell him how I feel. I’m sick of being with someone who does no chores, is a manchild and gaslights me. I’m truly at my wits end. I don’t want to have to end the relationship but I don’t think I’ll ever get through to him. Can they ever change?
TLDR: Can man-children ever change or am I screwed?