I don’t know if my concerns are justified or not about my boyfriend.
For background we met at work and have been together for the last 7 months. We both live with our parents. I (21/f) am struggling to decide if I should be more accepting of his (22/m).
When we began the relationship I knew he had some sort of germaphobia as I was told by some coworkers that he would not share drinks or food with individuals even his current girlfriend at the time. It was not until about 4-6 months down the line I realized how deeply rooted these fears impact you.
Now my issue is that I am unsure if these concerns I have are rational and if this someone I should stay with despite the fact that I love them.
So I won’t go into detail with the whole timeline but I will include a few examples. I really struggle with his fear of vomiting as it is more extreme than anyone I have ever met. He will not eat chicken because of the fear of contracting salmonella and becoming sick even if it were cooked properly. Also he overcooks the majority of his food by not only cooking the item longer than recommend times as well as raising the temperature higher. We always cook different things when we are together which bums me out because I am trying to eat healthier and he mainly eats tortillas, cheese beans, rice, corn dogs ( other foods like this), and pretty much the only meat he will consume is beef. From what I understand he does not eat fruits or veggies because so many people are touching them. He checks the dates of food items and checks the seal of each item. He is constantly on edge he is going to get sick and vomit. It is a struggle because I feel nervous cooking with him and his diet is very poor. I know I should be more accepting of his fear because it is diagnosed (Emetophobia). There was a time I was making frozen orange chicken on the stove and it wasn’t cooking evenly so he temped the chicken and it was not reaching 165 ( I was starving at this point) so by the time it reached 165 degrees it was practically burnt. He asked me not to eat it until it was fully cooked which I know was the right thing to do, but he made a huge deal of it because I am going to get him sick. I am just not use to being so careful and it impacts how he lives his daily life. I am not allowed in his bed unless im showered hair included. I have been in his bedroom maybe 7 times or so since we have been together. Is that normal? I really struggle to adjust to being constantly careful and him worrying all the time about anything could possibly make him sick even if it is not likely too. I have no idea what it would truly look like to live with him in the future.
Another concern I have is that as mentioned he is 22 lives at home and has a curfew of 12:00 pm and often can not come to my house because of drunk drivers or unsafe conditions. He can not come over to my family holidays because of that mentioned above or some sort of reason, but I am always invited to spend time with his family instead. I went to spend Christmas Eve with his family and I asked if he could spend Christmas night ( 9 or 10pm) so we could exchange gifts, but he said his mom said that it was too dangerous to drive to my house (30 minuet drive). He is not allowed to do a lot of things because his mother takes complete care of him financially besides when we go out and spend money. He was practically unemployed for the last 6 months uncertain of what he wanted to do with his future constantly starting new ideas for work and never following up. I understand what an influence not being financially free from your parents can be as I finally moved into my fathers home when I was 16 because I was treated like a child. He has talked about moving out since before we began dating and I know it is a long process, but it seems he is always back and forth on the topic. He’s going from paying no bills, no gas, no phone bills, to everything. That is a large jump in my opinion. I pay for everything besides rent and because he does not have these expenses he was able to save a good amount of money which I think is great. However, my issue with this topic is that he seems like he is treated like a child and not allowed to make his own mistakes and learn at home. I understand I live at home, however I am free to do as I please while Im finishing my education and working. I get that it is her house and her rules so I understand why he listens to her. It sometimes feels as if I am not in an adult relationship. I respect his mo and think she is wonderful, but I also value that as adult we are allowed to make mistakes in order to learn how life really works, just as my dad allowed me to do. There’s more to it but I don’t want to make this post any longer.
In summary I don’t know if these are normal things I would just need to adapt to or If this isn’t what an adult relationship should be like? I have recently brought up all these concerns to him and he said he would work on it and layed out a plan. Essentially for the last 5 months all I have heard is half cooked plans and there are some things that may not change because he can’t. My s/o said that my concerns were valid. He really loves me and I do not want to break his heart, but when incidents like those mentioned above occur it really bothers me.