Tl;dr: How do i manage my relationship anxiety and not emotionally drain my partner
My partner/boyfriend (m19) and I (f18) have been together for almost a month now. It’s still a very fresh relationship, but we both agreed we wanted this to be long-term/eventually move in with each other and possibly have kids. We frequently do emotional check-ups on each other and have conversations about what’s bothering each other if something comes up. He’s been wonderful, we’re polar opposites in a lot of ways but as he likes to say, “opposites attract.”
I love him dearly and honestly really want this to work out, but the thing is, I’ve been noticing that i have pretty controlling habits. I always peek at his phone when he’s on it (he’s grown up on the internet so it’s sorta his thing) and when I’ve expressed my nervousness w/ not knowing what he’s doing he lets me in the know and will show me/tell me what he’s doing. That’s great! Except it makes me feel bad that I made him do that.
Or when he says he’ll do one thing that wouldn’t take that long but then being left alone for many minutes longer. I always ask him what took him forever rather than just leaving it be.
Another thing is (but I’ve lately chilled a little more on it) he’s still friends/talks to at least two of his exes, both guys (he’s pansexual nonbinary but he told me he doesn’t mind going by boyfriend/he/him) and i got to shortly meet one of them. Whereas another I remember having a heart emoji infront of his name on SC when his notification popped up before he swiped it away. Never got to ask about that.
He has a friend who, both times I’ve decided to hang w/, “flirts” with my boyfriend in front of me. Like anytime i touch my partner (ruffle his hair, pat his back) the friend will do the same thing immediately after, or like last time i saw him, he’d show my boyfriend something gay when my boyfriend would try to show me something that relates to us.
Another thing is i easily stress over how long he takes to get back to me since he always has his phone on him, he is a student but for the most part he only has two hour-two hour classes most days. I try not to take it personally but having general anxiety definitely doesn’t help. That or if i ask a question he won’t answer it, like “how are you doing?” N such.
He’s reassured me time and time again that he only wants to be with me and that’s he’s not interested in any of his friends/tells me he sees his friends as being worse than me since i listen and take an interest in his things.
He is everything i want, all of his faults and pros. But he has admitted to me (when i asked) that my emotions are overwhelming to deal w/, but understands it’s from trauma. I don’t want him to keep putting up w/ it, so how can i manage my insecurities/controlling habits? I just want to be able to trust him and stop overreacting to every small thing that upsets me that otherwise doesn’t really matter. I don’t want to sabotage this relationship.
I understand all of this probably stems from insecurity and jealousy, so any and all tips would be greatly appreciated.
And no, i cannot afford therapy unfortunately, no insurance and no free/cheap therapy in my area that i can sign up for :/